Married Life
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Love endures all things?
Since there was an interesting post about wives submitting to their husbands (see post below), it got me thinking about 1 Corinthians 13:7 (end of the verse) where it says, "Love...endures all things."
Should love endure all? I am thinking about this in terms of marriage, although these verses certainly can apply to all relationships. In marriage, does "enduring" necessarily mean remaining married in a tough marriage?
Your thoughts?
Re: Love endures all things?
Just from my own perspective, to endure means to be persistent. Thus, even in a tough marriage, both must endure. However, if there is no love to begin with, then there is nothing to endure. When it comes to marriage though, I don't see why anyone would marry another person unless they love them. Therefore, just because things seem tough and maybe one person thinks they have fallen out of love, doesn't mean the love is not there. When things get really bad, it's easy for the negatives to cloud over our positive emotions, including the love for our spouse. As sinners we easily fall to weakness, and only by looking to God for guidance and strength can we overcome this.
The link below (sorry if it doesn't work) answers the question, and it gives more detail to what it means to endure in love.
http://www.gotquestions.org/love-always-perseveres.html
I can only imagine that the argument against this would be "what if a person is in an abusive situation". If you're looking at this strictly from a biblical perspective, divorce is only "allowed" for adultery and abandonment. I put this in quotations because God abhors divorce no matter what the situation, but we were given these circumstances because of our weak and sinful nature. God would rather we try to forgive, reconcile, and restore our marriages, including in an abusive situation. However, that doesn't mean that the victim can not seperate themselves from their abuser. I think to not seperate yourself, particularly in physically abusive situations, would be very unwise. The goal and ideal should be to first try to achieve reconciliation in the marriage rather than jump straight to divorce. If a husband is abusing his wife, then he is sinning against her and must be brought to repentance, and possibly even church discipline.
I don't think love can endure all things; in fact, I know that it doesn't. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has loved a previous boyfriend.
The fact that it doesn't endure everything is good, IMO. It makes past experience more of a benefit than a burden.
i don't know if this question even makes sense. real love DOES endure all things. human beings are sometimes capable of that kind of love in a romantic sense, but they must make a conscious decision, over and over, to continue loving their spouses. think, (instead) for example, of the kind of love a parent has for a child. does the parent endure all things and continue to fiercely love the child, no matter what? most do. the child can be rude, and misbehave, and disappoint the parent to no end, but the parent continues to love that child no matter what. that's what real love is. it's the kind of love God has for His children. this passage in the bible is explaining what real love is.
it's difficult to ask, then, if marriage "should endure" through difficult circumstances. love is a verb and, in part, a decision and a hard choice. we choose to love people. sometimes these people are difficult to love, but we do it anyway. love is not a feeling, a fuzzy warmth that we get when we see someone. if it were only that, what good would it be? that goes away. it comes back periodically, certainly, but relying on how we feel is a terrible barometer for a lifelong relationship.
My perspective on the whole issue is that the word "submit" should be swapped out for the word "support". When women learn to support their husbands, instead of nagging and dragging him down, amazing things start to happen.
As far as love enduring, I've found that when I'm actively supporting my DH, my love is naturally more enduring.
In my opinion, marriage is something that requires constant attention and improvement. A successful marriage is built over time like a successful career. If you ever stopped trying to succeed at your job, you would lose your sense of purpose and drive, and you'd find yourself looking at other options whether you liked it or not.
My view is that I will work at least as hard on my relationship with my husband as I will on my career. Because we are both worth it.
ETA: On the other hand, relationships are a 2-way street. Abuse comes in many forms, and is never acceptable. I could still love my husband through abuse, but I I wouldn't stay with him because it wouldn't be healthy. For me or him.
The abuse often comes from a hurt deep inside the abuser, and it needs to be healed before a real relationship can every be considered healthy.
Thumbs up.
Don't have a child yet but I totally agree with this !
Personally, I think love enduring all things means remaining in a tough marriage, but not an abusive or an unfaithful one.
Scripture says you can divorce due to infidelity. And, while it doesn't specifically say you can divorce for any other reason, verses about husbands loving their wives as Christ so loves the Church - comparing human marriage to Christ as the groom and His Church as His bride, make many Christians see that a man who is abusive to his wife, isn't loving her as Christ would, can be a grounds for divorce also.
To me, cheating and abuse (both emotional and physical) are absolute deal breakers. Beyond that, I think there is also a level of...I guess I'll call it neglect or callousness that I also feel is a deal breaker. If your partner doesn't respect you or care about your feelings and just does what he wants, that is not a real marriage.
Other than that, if my DH is in it, I'm in it. If we ever reach that point, I will go to counseling and try new methods. But if your partner isn't in it, it's not going to work.
From a Christian perspective, as humans, we are not capable of love in that context. The only one who can love like that is God.
In Christianity, yes, marriage is meant to be a permanent institution. God allows divorce, but hates it. My husband and I take that very seriously. We entered into marriage prepared to remain in it through any situation, even infidelity or addiction... though if something like that ever happened, I have no idea how I would heal from it. I just pray that we will not encounter problems like that.
I thank God that marriage is permanent. If I didn't enter into a binding covenant with my husband, I probably would have left him. Things were pretty bad for a month or so. I've left boyfriends, even long term ones, over much less. But, we worked through it, and we're stronger because of it. The unpleasant reality of marriage is that worldly lust and butterflies type love does fade, and rather quickly. In this culture, that feeling is often equated to the success of our marriage. That's a major reason for divorce, that "I married the wrong person." But not once does the Bible say anything about marrying the wrong person. Sometimes, my husband seems like some evil man and why did I put myself through this, but he's not. It's my own flawed, ungodly thinking, mixed with his.
Now in extreme cases, I don't feel comfortable talking about. Clearly, I would not want to see ANYONE subjected to physical abuse or anything of that level, regardless of marital status. God hates divorce, but allows and forgives it because we humans are not truly capable of love.
But the "we grew apart" thing? I don't believe it's grounds for divorce from a Christian marriage. The beauty in marriage is that we LEARN true love, the kind that endures all things, but that is a lifelong process. An older gentleman in my church said it took him 40 years to learn how to love his wife. Now, they have a beautiful marriage that is an inspiration to their children and grandchildren.