Just married & living with my parents--

MLE2010 · August 2013

FFS, then leave. No need to post to try and "shame" us. It doesn't work.

Kimbus22 · August 2013

MLE2010 said:

OP the reason why you are getting the advice you've gotten is because it's the truth. No, after being married I never lived with parents. I'd rather live under the I-90 bridge than do that. You also have to understand that you and your H are guests in your parents home. He doesn't get to be upset that they aren't keeping the house silent so he can sleep during the day. It's not his house, they can do what they want. They are HELPING you two out. Respect that, tell your H to respect that and buy a very nice thank you gift for them. When you have people living in your house everything goes up in price, water bill, electric bill, food etc. So make sure you show them how thankful you are for the help they have given. Geez, the entailment attitude is going around.

Yep. All of this. And I work overnights so I know how hard it is to sleep during the day. That's why there is Tylenol PM, white noise machines, ear plugs etc. If you're not willing to move to a hotel until you close on your house, your only option is to keep your mouth shut because you have a free place to live.

pinkbury · August 2013

I can't believe how harsh people are in these comments. It's not easy to buy a first home now-a-days. I know this because we are getting married next fall and we can't afford the downpayment right just yet. We are saving, but what is really going to help is that my mom is giving us $20,000 after we get married as a wedding gift. We have looked at houses online and know where we want to look, but will actually start looking around spring 2014. I have worried to myself that we would have to live at one of our parent's houses after we get married while in the process of buying a home because we don't want to live apart while married, THAT is silly. But if it came down to it, I would tell him we would rent an apartment for a few months (even though he is highly against paying rent) because I don't want what's happening to you guys to happen. I think you should talk to your husband and discuss renting an apartment for a few months if you can. If he agrees, then sit down with him and your family and explain to them all calmly what is going on and why you feel the need to move, because it is taking a toll on your relationshiop with you family and your newly wed relationship. You should be enjoying this time, not stressing! Maybe you have already moved out by now tho.

pinkbury · August 2013

pinkbury · August 2013

doglove said:

MagA35:

I have never been one to ever go on a website and post my thoughts or
opinions, however, I am going to make an exception today. I am stunned at how you all talk to one another. This young woman is posting her thoughts and asking for advice from other women, who she is assuming has some knowlegde that you can help her with.

We are giving helpful advice. We are not telling her what she wants to hear and coddling her.

You are not giving helpful advice, you are attacking her. You all need to grow up and learn how to not be such snobby bitches.

MLE2010 · August 2013

pinkbury said:

doglove said:

MagA35:

I have never been one to ever go on a website and post my thoughts or
opinions, however, I am going to make an exception today. I am stunned at how you all talk to one another. This young woman is posting her thoughts and asking for advice from other women, who she is assuming has some knowlegde that you can help her with.

We are giving helpful advice. We are not telling her what she wants to hear and coddling her.

You are not giving helpful advice, you are attacking her. You all
need to grow up and learn how to not be such snobby bitches.

Oh, I'm sorry!!! We are snobby bitches because the idea of leeching off people and then bitching about it makes us mean. Are you Fing kidding me?!?

You don't have to buy a house, renting is not a single person thing. You are ridiculous and your H sounds like a snob. I'm sure the 20,000 from your Mom doesn't even make him bat an eye. Grow up.

Leftie22 · August 2013

I don't think it's "snobby" or "harsh" to tell someone to look again at their situation - living for free with mom and dad to save for a house, after having a wedding and honeymoon - and to stop complaining about it. If you chose to live somewhere for FREE just so you could save for a house faster, then you don't get to complain about it. It's ungrateful and childish. I think people need to learn how to "make do" and stop expecting to have it all without paying for it or sacrificing anything. If you really want a house/wedding/honeymoon, you do what you need to do to afford it. You don't expect mom and dad to pay for part of it, or to financially support you so you can save. It's just not fair to your parents. I don't see how that's rude or harsh. To me, expecting your family to pay your way is much more rude.

Kimbus22 · August 2013

pinkbury said:

I can't believe how harsh people are in these comments. It's not easy to buy a first home now-a-days. I know this because we are getting married next fall and we can't afford the downpayment right just yet. We are saving, but what is really going to help is that my mom is giving us $20,000 after we get married as a wedding gift. We have looked at houses online and know where we want to look, but will actually start looking around spring 2014. I have worried to myself that we would have to live at one of our parent's houses after we get married while in the process of buying a home because we don't want to live apart while married, THAT is silly. But if it came down to it, I would tell him we would rent an apartment for a few months (even though he is highly against paying rent) because I don't want what's happening to you guys to happen. I think you should talk to your husband and discuss renting an apartment for a few months if you can. If he agrees, then sit down with him and your family and explain to them all calmly what is going on and why you feel the need to move, because it is taking a toll on your relationshiop with you family and your newly wed relationship. You should be enjoying this time, not stressing! Maybe you have already moved out by now tho.

I find it hilarious that your DH is okay mooching off your mother but it against paying rent. He sounds awesome.

SapphireCounselor · August 2013

I will totally agree with everyone who said they wouldn't move in with their parents again after marriage. Dh and I just wouldn't do it barring some kind of disaster. (Maybe we would if some natural disaster destroyed everything we owned or we had some break the bank medical emergency, etc.) Saving for a house doesn't qualify. We made an adult decision to get married, so we pay rent like adults even if that means it will be tough to save for a house.

SapphireCounselor · August 2013

Keep in mind that we all understand how tough it is to get started in life. We are all dealing with that ourselves. If it were just you living with your parents we wouldn't bat an eye. But getting married, aka making a very adult decision to start your life with someone else, changes the ball game. Many of us waited to get married until we KNEW we were financially stable enough not to move back home.

SapphireCounselor · August 2013

MLE2010 said:

pinkbury said:

doglove said:

MagA35:

I have never been one to ever go on a website and post my thoughts or
opinions, however, I am going to make an exception today. I am stunned at how you all talk to one another. This young woman is posting her thoughts and asking for advice from other women, who she is assuming has some knowlegde that you can help her with.

We are giving helpful advice. We are not telling her what she wants to hear and coddling her.

You are not giving helpful advice, you are attacking her. You all
need to grow up and learn how to not be such snobby bitches.

Oh, I'm sorry!!! We are snobby bitches because the idea of leeching off people and then bitching about it makes us mean. Are you Fing kidding me?!?

You don't have to buy a house, renting is not a single person thing. You are ridiculous and your H sounds like a snob. I'm sure the 20,000 from your Mom doesn't even make him bat an eye. Grow up.

This exactly!

SmithMcFarlane · August 2013

I'm shocked at the way that people are talking on here. I haven't been on in a while, but to put someone down like that is just crazy. That being said, don't I agree with the reason that you moved in with your parents, but I also live with my husband and my mother and her husband. Now, there are multiple reasons for this. One, my husband lost his job and we were having trouble making rent on our place. We couldn't find a roommate and we were told we had 2 choices when we went to our landlord regarding the job loss: Eviction or move out...Basically the same thing, LOL My mother lost her job (for health reasons) around the same time, so us living with them, short term seemed like a great idea. And to be perfectly honest, we have had moments where we are like AAAAHHH get me out of here, but all in all, it's not that bad.
You need to remember that it is your parents house and they are doing YOU a favor. If it really is an issue, sit down and talk to your parents without your husband around and say things like "It really hurts me when this happens" or things like that. Don't place blame. Then afterwards, talk to your husband and remind him that it is not your house. While I can't wait to leave my mothers house, and I can sort of sympathize with you, I have also found it isn't THAT bad. Remember, it is only temporary! You are almost out of there!

SmithMcFarlane · August 2013

Leftie22 said:

I don't think it's "snobby" or "harsh" to tell someone to look again at their situation - living for free with mom and dad to save for a house, after having a wedding and honeymoon - and to stop complaining about it. If you chose to live somewhere for FREE just so you could save for a house faster, then you don't get to complain about it. It's ungrateful and childish. I think people need to learn how to "make do" and stop expecting to have it all without paying for it or sacrificing anything. If you really want a house/wedding/honeymoon, you do what you need to do to afford it. You don't expect mom and dad to pay for part of it, or to financially support you so you can save. It's just not fair to your parents. I don't see how that's rude or harsh. To me, expecting your family to pay your way is much more rude.

I didn't think about it being a free place before. I think you are absolutely right, if you are getting a free ride, you shouldn't complain about it.

kss20 · September 2013

Hey! Just be grateful that you have your parents' house when you're in need. My parents told me flat out that there is no way once I got married that they would let us live with them. Not that I blame them, but YEESH!

And wow! people. Chill out. Her situation isn't permanent. Why are you crucifying her? You all are acting like jerks. I hope people tear you apart if you ever post a serious question looking for support.

Kimbus22 · September 2013

kss20 said:

Hey! Just be grateful that you have your parents' house when you're in need. My parents told me flat out that there is no way once I got married that they would let us live with them. Not that I blame them, but YEESH!

And wow! people. Chill out. Her situation isn't permanent. Why are you crucifying her? You all are acting like jerks. I hope people tear you apart if you ever post a serious question looking for support.

Are we supposed to commiserate about how horrible her family is for letting them have a free place to stay? There's that whole "don't bite the hand that feeds you" thing. If you are a married adult unhappy with living with your parents, DON'T live with your parents. Get a month to month rental, get a hotel, whatever. This isn't something you should need the internet to tell you. This is like "Doctor, it hurts when I do this!" Ummm...so stop doing it. Problem solved.

CaliforniaDream87 · September 2013

NurseRobinson said:
bnk2012:
I am kind of surprised at the response. I am sure that I am not the only person who has moved in with their parents while they get a house and I doubt it is easy for anyone so I guess I was just expecting more of a "it sucks now but you'll get through it" reaction.

No, you're not the only person who moves in with parents, but it's still not a smart move. If you're adult enough to get married, then you should be adult enough to live on your own. You and your husband created this problem, so now you have to deal with it. At least you only have 6 more weeks.

I have to agree. This wasn't a good decision at all.

November42 · September 2013

tabs1015, I agree with the majority of what you just said (I'm also new to this site).

I'm in a similar situation to you only my husband and I are living with his parents. We should be out in about 5 months or so, but it is difficult I know - especially with an over bearing mum in law! I get on great with his family and enjoy being around them, but it's got to the point where it's wearing a bit thin living with them. All I can say is, stick it out and have some time out to chat (and moan if you like!) to a close friend/someone who's not involved. Remember the reasons you did it, and don't forget it's not forever. It's important you and your husband don't lose sight of each other, maybe if your family are out one night you guys could stay in and have a date night, or if you don't mind spending a bit extra, you could go out together and see a movie or something. Try to make time for each other once a week (at our busiest times that's sometimes all my other half and I manage) or more.

Good luck, you're not alone on this one!

kittie8709 · December 2013

My husband and I live with my mother and the situation works out great. We don't live for free (we chip in with the expenses of living) and we all look out for one another. My husband works full time while I am a full-time student. I'm grateful that my mother is willing to help us out, but we do work things out as a family. She's glad to have us with her because she forgets things at times and doesn't drive. Just remember the saying, "This will pass". I wish you all the best and while normally people move out after they get married, sometimes circumstances are different for different people.

ClaryPax · December 2013

Its never really a good idea to have roommates or live with family as a married couple. I guess you have know learned this lesson and probably won't go down that path again. Everyone makes mistakes in judgment. You just have to learn from it. Hold on its only 6 weeks and in the scope of life not really all that much time. You guys will be fine. Just keep going day by day and work on not letting everyone's complaints get to you.

chiualover · December 2013

Nice wedding, nice honeymoon. No money for a house. Nice, real mature.

Maybride2 · December 2013

I'm kind of flabbergasted and disgusted that so many beebee brides think that they are entitled to a house by virtue of getting married. News flash - not everyone can afford a house. Having a marriage certificate in no way changes that fact. If "money is too tight" to afford rent, you are a total moron for trying to buy a house. If you think that being married somehow makes you above renting, you are an idiot. And if your husband would rather take a handout than be an adult and pay his own way - well, I'm happy for him that he found someone dumb enough to marry his stupid childishass. Yeah, we've all lived through tough times and made tough decisions. That's why we can say that choosing to live with your mommy and daddy and then complaining about it makes you a dumbass. Complain about living paycheck to paycheck while supporting yourselves in your studio apartment, and you've got my sympathy. Complain that mommy and daddy aren't being quiet enough in THEIR house for you to sleep during the day, and I'll tell you to grow up.