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Miscarriage and not wanting kids anymore
Not sure if its the right forum but here's the scoop:
I have a beautiful healthy 3 1/2 year old son that I absolutely adore. My hubbs and I were finally in the right mind frame and thought we'd give it another go at having a second child. Long sad story short, I had a miscarriage last week. Went in for a D&C which was no joke and now I'm still suffering through all the aftermath (both physically and emotionally).
Here's my issue: I know its not my fault that I lost the baby and I am very sad about it. Yet, a part of me feels guilty b/c I don't think I was truly ready for a second child due to stressing out about financials, my fitness career and remembering how hard/scary those early months with a new infant can be.
I feel terrible for even thinking this way but sometimes I wonder if I want another child at all. The one main reason is that I would like to give my son a sister or brother but going through a miscarriage and D&C has made me look at things differently. My hubbs is very supportive but I'm afraid that I will never want another child and he will not understand. Just venting but if you have any words of wisdom, advice or have been through something similar then please comment. Thanks so much girls
Re: Miscarriage and not wanting kids anymore
First, I'm sorry for your loss.
Don't feel guilty. None of those feelings had the slightest impact on your pregnancy or your loss. If you were still pregnant, you'd still be having those feelings - they'd all work out by the end, I'm sure, but you'd still be worrying about finances and your career even if you were pregnant right this very minute. Those aren't unique concerns - if thoughts like that led to pregnancy loss, like 90% of pregnancies would end.
All that happened was you received clarity after the fact. If the baby had survived, you would have worked it out and loved it. But with a loss, you don't have the luxury of seeing that unfold, so you're stuck with the uncertain feelings. And that's okay. If this clarified that you want to be one-and-done - or at least one-for-now - it's okay. It doesn't mean that you gave the lost baby any less of yourself or any less love.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Focus on the love around you and healing. Talk to a therapist if you feel it doesn't subside on its own.
For what it's worth, I am an only child and I was very happy to be one. Do what's right for you. Time will tell.