May 2012 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
trying to forgive (edited)
Bottom line- a job reference of mine got recruited for a job I'd been applying for. He accepted it and emailed to let me know in a reply to another email of mine (we normally did phone calls for important things)
My feelings were hurt. I can respect his decision.
I removed the subscriptions I had to keep up with all the happenings in his life but didn't block/unfriend/etc. I didn't reply to the email.
Re: trying to forgive (edited)
Well, that really sucks that you didn't get the job.
However, it doesn't sound like he snatched it out from under you or went behind your back - he probably was seriously not looking to apply for this job, but if other people put his name forward, what was he going to do? If they contacted HIM and tried to talk him into it because other people thought he would be good for the position, I'm sure they were very persuasive. Honestly, a promotion and a raise? Who wouldn't turn that down?
And honestly, in a competitive job market, there are going to be a lot of equally qualified candidates. That leaves hiring based on experience, personality, and gut instinct. IMO (as someone semi-involved with hiring), I'd rather promote from within than hire someone new ANY day of the week. You know what you are getting because that person already works for you, which is better than any reference. And sometimes we do take a lesser qualified candidate, if they come across as trainable, have a great personality, and we think that they will fit in well with the team we already have. I want to hire someone that enhances our well-oiled machine, not someone who is going to be a wrench in it. Unfortunately, those are the things you can't plan for when applying somewhere new.
And it sounds like he did the right thing by letting you know. Are you mad because he emailed you instead of called you or something?
I'm not trying to be mean or anything, and I understand that in some situations you can help but be irrationally angry/upset. I'd just try and focus some of that anger at the position/hiring people themselves, not at him.
And since he got promoted, who is doing his old job?...Just saying, it isn't worth burning any bridges by acting childish (unfollowing him on Twitter). He might be able to make it up to you someday!
I feel like this is a much nicer way to put what I was thinking.
You don't know the whole situation and from the sounds of it, you probably wouldn't hear him out anyway. I was actually surprised to hear you went as far as unfollowing him from Twitter & FB. That's an immature response to very grown-up circumstances.
I'm sorry you didn't get the job you had your heart set on, that really does suck. I hope you're able to work something out soon!
My BFP Chart Danger Love Blog
I agree with Aurora and she put it much better than what I was going to tell you. Be careful about burning bridges, you really can't undo this process very easily, if at all, and it could really be awful. It's hard to see any other point of view when you are this upset. I guess I would have just let this person know you feel a little upset by it and that you would like to talk or maybe you even just need some time before you start communicating. I would be careful about "unfriending" someone. Big step.
I had a similar situation happen when I was the "pick" for the job. The school was actually processing everything and doing background checks and so on and so on. When out of the blue the person that I had been interning with at another school put in her application (after the deadline) and they ended up hiring her simply because she had had the position once before. Utter betrayal and I was so upset. I felt slightly vindicated when she "retired" the very next year.
Life is a series of disappointments and achievements. We have to learn how to deal with the disappointments as much as we celebrate the achievements.
Updated on another post...
Just wanted to type here that I didn't unfriend or burn any bridges. I simply did not respond to the email I was sent and hid his feeds. The person who emailed me (we have always called for important things) referred me to other people to help.
We are linked professionally and personally about 10 ways. We will work together again. Basically I can sum this up as I lost a friend but will continue to have a colleague.