Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
HELP! Trouble adjusting to our new life
My husband and I got married exactly 6 months ago, and I love him more each and every single day. The thing I don't love is the fact we moved 1,000 miles away from our friends and families 5 weeks after getting married.
Here's the story:
About a month before we moved, my husband started having really bad heartburn and headaches before he would go into work and was miserable. We talked it over and agreed it would be best for him if he decided to move companies, so he interviewed at three great companies and on our honeymoon got three phone calls with job offers. We ended up deciding to pick the job that brought us to where we live now, it was a huge pay increase, a promotion to just under plant manager, and he has the ability to make his own schedule. It's a great family owned company that is actually based out of our home state (they have 4 locations there, plus one here, and one in another state) but the job was for the plant here. We decided since we are both young, and have no kids that this would be the perfect time to move.
Everything seemed great, the move was easy, we even found our beautiful home the very next day after getting into town. We have been here for 5 months, and I absolutely hate it. We don't have a lot of friends, most of the people here go to the high school sporting events Friday nights and go to the bars Saturday nights (we don't drink often and are both college graduates who have done the bar scene every weekend). I have my firefighter license, and my emt and my STNA license all back in our home state, none of them transfer to where we currently live. So basically if I want to work in the fields I am trained in, I would have to spend thousands of dollars to go back through the classes and take the exams. I've applied for other jobs, but haven't had any luck in getting one. I just don't know what to do, I am miserable, and afraid I will start taking it out on my husband and our marriage will suffer because of it. I have told him I am miserable, and he does everything he can to make me feel better but it doesn't work. He keeps reminding me one of the reasons we decided to move out here is because it would allow us to become debt free within 2 years (we'll be debt free minus our student loans next month), and to give our marriage the foundation of it being just us.
If anyone has any advice I would love to hear it. I am so sorry for the rambling post, and am sure I sound like a baby, but I just don't know what to do about this situation.
Re: HELP! Trouble adjusting to our new life
What have you been doing with your five months of free time? Have you gotten involved in any sort of volunteer or groups in the area? It would provide you with a social network that is beyond football and the bar scene.
It is definitely harder to make friends in a new area once you're out of school, but it's certainly possible.
You also need to identify what specifically is upsetting you about living in the area and make the plans to change it. If being a firefighter will make you happier, then pay the money and get licensed. It will be money well spent. If you want a group of friends who do things you like, look into things you like in the area and seek people out.
How does your husband feel about the area and his job? Is he settling in easier than you?
Moves are stressful, very stressful. Have you joined a Church? They offer tons of social events, charities you can work with and nice people to meet. Also, I have found meetup.com to be a great source of things in my new area to get involved with.
If you want to get back into your field go for it. But it sounds like the money is going to pay down existing debt. If so then you may need to wait to find a job, having contacts within the community may up your chances. It's hard to leave what you've known and loved for something new. But 5 months is a really short time, hope this works out.
One thing that helped me when I moved out on my own (before I was even with DH) was pushing myself to get out there and try new things and meet people. Join some groups, take a fun class. For example, I took a sewing class and met a couple cool people. And honestly, it is most likely worth it to go get certified there, if only for your sanity.
I've joined some book clubs, and have looked into volunteering at the hospital in town since I live just three blocks from it. We moved into our home on a Saturday and my husband started his job that Monday so for the first month we were here, I basically spent all that time unpacking and setting our house up lol.
My husband loves his job, but he does agree that the area is lacking in a lot of things. (Put it this way, our doctor actually told us the only reason he is here is because his medical school loans were forgiven since it's such an economically depressed area) I appreciate your help!
Try the fire department, hospitals, after school program for kids.
Get a hobby --- what do you like to do --- or what would you like to do? Then go from there; there's tons of adult school classes where you could learn something new.
I'd be depressed and unhappy if I spent the last 5 months unpacking and sitting around the house by myself too.
Do whatever it takes to get your licenses in that state, and then look for employment. Then you'll 1) meet people and 2) have things to do.
I'm taking online classes, since we are traveling often this year and next online classes seemed the way to go. I'm hoping I can meet friends through that.
My sister is in a similar situ. Her husband is an army officer, and they've moved 3x in 3 years.
She had previous experience as a domestic violence counselor and life skills trainer. So she has gotten certified to teach classes through some sort of installation on their new base, she volunteers 20 hours a week at a domestic violence shelter, and she has joined a support group for army spouses.
I think you need to look to create your own identity in your new home. Join a house of worship, go to events at the local library, volunteer for an organization, take a class or get your certification in something, join a group on meetup.com, take this time to investigate a new hobby.
The world is your oyster! Make the most of this exciting opportunity. GL
Check out meetup.com
Its a great way to meet new people who have similar interests. Through meetup.com I found a group of SAHMs that i became aquainted with, and have since found some really great friendships through that group.
I also think you should go back to school and do what will make you happy.