Please smack some sense into me...

JemmaWRX

I am so tempted to go anonymous on this because I'm embarrassed... I think I'm being totally neurotic.  But I figured I'd get some outside perspectives on this.

My husband is out of state for business for 2 weeks.  I went down this past weekend to visit him.  We went to a bar the other night and when we went up to order drinks, the bartender (an attractive young girl) entusiastically yelled out his name.  I knew he had went to this place the other night.  He told me about it and even mentioned the conversation he had with the girl... nothing fishy or anything.  But I got really pissed!  I'm thinking "How does she remember your name?"  It's one thing to remember the face... but his name?  I asked him if she was flirtacious and he assured me she wasn't (not outside the typical bartender banter anyway).  He also said he talked to her about me, mentioned I was visiting and was excited to see me.  So why am I so annoyed?

I trust him.  He's such a good guy and a great husband.  And I know that should be enough.  Maybe I'm extra sensitive given the situation as a whole.  We've never been apart this long and it's been a tough week as it is.  Then I go to the bar and this bartender is so excited over him.  UGH.  Tell me... am I overreacting?  Give it to me straight ladies, I need it right now.

horsevaulter

Its ok to feel a little jealous and insecure sometimes. Being apart really makes those insecurities rise to the surface! My DH is in the ARMY and when we are apart things are definitely the hardest. Just try  to remember that you married him for a reason and to trust him. GL!!

ROFL ATTACK

A good bartender always remembers a good tipper, and a good customer. They are in the business of remembering *** to get better tips

jnjmommy0609

Some people are awesome at remembering names. This has nothing to do with your personal situation just science..but I am reading this book called how to make a good brain great and it talks about memory and different parts of the brain blah blah and it talks about how certain parts of your brain work really well. Memory of names and being super outgoing is a part of that. That's why it takes a special type of personality to be a really good bartender. 

 

 

But either way random babble aside she sounds like a typical bartender and yes you are totally over-reacting. 

doglove

Have there been signs in the past that lead you to believe your husband could be untrustworthy or do you think it is just the situation that he is away that is making you feel insecure? What exactly are you insecure about if that is the case?

ZeroOrchestra

jnjmommy0609:

 

But either way random babble aside she sounds like a typical bartender and yes you are totally over-reacting. 

 

Agree. Especially if he was just in there the other night, that's completely normal.  I used to bartend and usually remember people I had conversations with. It may have been slow the night he was in and it sounds like they talked at least a little bit at length if he was telling her you were coming in and all that. 

I wouldn't worry about it at all, and I wouldn't question it any further, IMO.

JemmaWRX

doglove:

Have there been signs in the past that lead you to believe your husband could be untrustworthy or do you think it is just the situation that he is away that is making you feel insecure? What exactly are you insecure about if that is the case?

Regarding the bolded... I had to laugh when I asked myself that because the answer is "Nope, never."  I've never even caught him looking at another woman!

I've always battled with insecurity, anxiety, etc.  Typically I can reason with myself though and put nasty thoughts out of my mind.  Plus he has always been patient and understanding and is always more than willing to talk through it with me if need be.  He's really a great guy.  So, I'm basically just being a twat.  Ha!

I think a lot of things have contributed to this... first, my innate propensity for anxiety.  My anxiety makes me read way too far into things.  My gut reaction was he spent the majority of his night talking to the girl, her flirting, and him having fun, etc.  Which simply didn't happen.  Second, I plain old miss him!  I'm just bummed out and want him to come home, I want our life back to normal.  We've never dealt with this before in 8 years together and it's hard.  But, both of us are looking at it glass half full... like it's good to experience to work through and ultimately mature in our relationship.  Finally - I'll admit I was jealous (it's a bad look, isn't it?).  I'm home alone, bored, lonely... and he's out chatting it up with a cute bartender.  Again... clearly I'm being a twat!

Anyway, thanks for the sound advice!

EastCoastBride

ROFL ATTACK:

A good bartender always remembers a good tipper, and a good customer. They are in the business of remembering *** to get better tips

This was what I was going to say!  And a part of this is remembering names.  I don't find it odd at all that she remembered his name.