Am I being selfish, or is this a bit unfair.

jenningz

So, we're not exactly swimming in cash but we get by just fine and always make it till the end of each month. Now, my birthday is in March, and DH's sister's is also in March, a few days after mine. We've got a bit of extra cash coming in but not a huge amount. DH basically said "Oh I feel bad that I can't get you anything for your birthday this year because we have other things to pay out for" What are those things? Oh. His sister's birthday. Now, I'm not one for extravagant gifts, I already told him I'd be happy if he baked me a cake, but he said we can't afford the extras. 

 Bit of background, basically his sister detested me when we first got together, eventually we shook hands and now we get on. She still refused to come to our wedding though, and doesn't bother speaking to us. We saw her over Christmas for about 30 minutes, so yeah.

I'm not sure if I'm just being unreasonable, or whether I should be allowed to be a little bit p****d that he's happy to fork out money for his sister's birthday, who he never sees and doesn't really get on with, but frankly and plainly told me he can't get me anything. I'd be happy with a cake or a sentimental card, but no. We have to spend money on HER.

So am I being nasty or is it a bit unfair? 

annmarie714

Talk to him.  Tell him how you feel. You're not being nasty or unfair, you're not communicating with your H.

doglove

What does "paying for" his sister's birthday mean? Is there going to be a party? Buying a gift? 

It's clear that you and your DH are not on the same page as far as this woman goes though. I'd talk to him.  

EastCoastBride

doglove:

What does "paying for" his sister's birthday mean? Is there going to be a party? Buying a gift?

This is what I'm wondering too.

But - from what you say, I'd be pissed.  This woman didn't come to your wedding and you all have hardly anything to do w her, but he feels he has to spend what little extra money you all have on HER?   AND at the expense of you? 

Yeah.... we'd be having a talk about that.  

Golden42

Yes I'd be pissed. No small gift or even a cake for you because he needs to buy his sister a gift after all she's done? Um no.

MLE2010

 We've got a bit of extra cash coming in but not a huge amount. DH basically said "Oh I feel bad that I can't get you anything for your birthday this year because we have other things to pay out for" What are those things? Oh. His sister's birthday

 

Yes I'd be pissed. It's not only about you not getting a birthday gift in this situation. He is telling you, without asking or talking with you how extra money will be spent. This is not good for your married future. He does not get to announce how extra money will be spent.

 

However, when is your birthday? Do you think he maybe saying this but actually planning to get you a gift? This could be what he is really doing. Even if it is you two have to get on the same page about how extra money is spent or saved. He cannot go around making his own choice as to joint money.  

jo4janet

Your'e not being nasty. This is definitely wrong on your DH's part. If you had any money to begin with, you are not obligated to buy his sister a birthday gift whether or not she was civil to you. But, especially because of how she has treated you, you owe her absolutely NOTHING and your DH needs to know how you're feeling regarding this situation.

ReturnOfKuus

Um, no, I would be f*cking irate at this.  And it would be no secret.

aggiecyd

doglove:

What does "paying for" his sister's birthday mean? Is there going to be a party? Buying a gift? 

It's clear that you and your DH are not on the same page as far as this woman goes though. I'd talk to him.  

This.  You're not being unreasonable at all.  You need to talk to him, but your relationship should be the priority.

jnjmommy0609

ReturnOfKuus:

Um, no, I would be f*cking irate at this.  And it would be no secret.

This...yea I would have made it known the second I found out.  

emricmacy

You are NOT being selfish of unfair! I would be absolutely p*ssed!

He could at least get you a card or something small! 

I would talk to him about it. What is he planning on buying for his sister?

R.Wilsonny

The fact that you are his WIFE and it is YOUR birthday he should be putting YOU first. If he wants to do something for his sister's birthday, that's fine, but it should be the other way around - he should be getting YOU the gift and if anything, give her a card. F-that shizzzz.....you should be coming first. No ifs ands or buts about it. Your H definitely does not have his priorities in order and I would be saying something to him about that if I were you.....

Jayceestar27

Exactly, I'd be very mad! Why didn't you marry your sister then? Obvisiouly she is more important! Thats how I would feel anyway.

KayCee85

I don't care how much money your H has or does not have, he can shell out a few dollars on a card. If he has to skip lunch one day, then so be it. Your his wife and you deserve a card. There's no excuse! And as an FYI, you can buy some cheap cake mix and icing at the dollar store. You should get your cake too!!

lisa2008boo

You should be honest with him. As his wife you come first now over family. And if he doesn't start seeing it that way and very soon you could have issues come up in your marriage that are much bigger than this. Just sit down and tell him how you feel and that your needs should come first now.

jenningz

Thanks guys! :-) I have spoken to him and he said 'of course you'll get something'... so um, not sure what he was waffling on about before. Maybe he realised he was being an idiot!