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need advice!!
I feel like I have made a mistake and upset my husband, but don't know how to fix it and it kills me. It is about his ex-girlfriend.
When we started dating she would always say that I would never love him as much as she does and lots of things like that. And when he told her that I was pregnant she said it should be her baby. Saying something like that takes you some place where it is so hard to get out of. I don't trust her now and I don't like it when she holds my daughter now. I always get this feeling that she is trying to take her away from me and take my spot even though I know that it isn't possible and she could never take my spot. Today he went to help her with her math homework and because I was at school our daughter had to go with. She took pictures with Adalynn, my daughter, and in one of them she was giving her a kiss. It hurt so much and I hated it. I know that my husband hates to see me stress over her so I went into the bedroom to calm down so that it wouldn't affect me or get him upset. I tried dealing with it without involving him in it. Well... he came in to see what was wrong and sat down next to me. I told him what I was doing and he got upset. I was going to talk to him about it to explain that it is me that needs to get through it so that it won't affect us, but it is hard and hurts a lot, but he doesn't want to talk about it.
I don't know what to do. I love him so much and I hate seeing him mad at me; it is the worst feeling in the entire world. I do trust him completely, I just don't trust her.
Re: need advice!!
You need not feel bad for being upset with the situation. Your territory is being invaded by someone who is obviously trying to stir up trouble. Why is she so involved in your life? Does he know that she talks this way to you? His alliance should be with you & your daughter.
Granted you can't make people change but you can change the way you respond to the way she acts. It's not easy but it makes life better for you when others can no longer push your buttons.
I would suggest at a time when you are in a calm emotional state as well as him, to just start a conversation that lets him know you trust in him but do trust her & that you would prefer her to not be so involved in your lives.
Best Wishes!
fromtheheart.labellabaskets.com
I'm fine with exes being in the picture when they act appropriately. Acting appropriately means being COMPLETELY over the other person, supportive of the new relationship, and polite and respectful of the new relationship. If someone is missing ANY of those, it's not time for them to be part of you or your sweetie's life. Period. If they grow up and start acting like an adult, that may be open to change, but the couple should decide together if that's the case.
Don't put up with ANY woman talking smack about you, about your relationship, or about how much she pines for your husband. It's not OK. You have to sit him down and explain to him how much that hurts you, how disrespectful it is, and how it isn't OK at all.
And seriously, he needs to go over and help her with her math homework and you need to come? Are we still in high school???
Ditto. WHY!? Why is the ex-girlfriend still in the picture? She should be looooooong gone.
If your husband can't end it with her, you should end it with him.
She is making comments that are not appropriate. And for that reason, he needs to cut her off and make sure she stays out of contact with him.
Let her get a math tutor or get the teacher to cough up extra help. Possibly the only figures they are studying together are each other's. Sorry to be a bearer of bad news.
You don't trust her?
The trust problem is with your H -- he's the one with the trust problem.
He needs to end this "friendship" with her and do it now.
And if he won't, very bad news. You're in for quite the battle royale.
Are you or are you not legally wed to him?
Your bio says the wedding date is next year -- maybe you are one of these ladies who refers to a SO as "the husband" --- IF you are not his legal wife, you've got your work cut out for you: you cannot trust him, this other chick is still in the picture and his contact with her is much much too close for comfort.
I suggest you leave him if you are not married to him. Something is funky here with him and this alleged exgirlfriend and he's not over her at all. He's still in contact with her too because he likes the drama that it entails and it's quite the little macho egoboost for him.
And if you are legally wed to him?
Show him the door.
This is a very inappropriate friendship. That's the bottom line --- he has no business having inappropriate contact with her.
How the heck old are all of you? you all sound like you're about 19 or 20 years of age.
Why on earth is this girl around SO much?? That makes no sense.
And math homework/ school. Are you all in high school?
And what were you doing that upset him? And why isn't he upset that his ex is upsetting YOU????
Oy. I don't know if I really wnat to know the answers and I actually hope this is MUD.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
So they are playing the happy family with your daughter over homework? Yes I think this should be the hill you should die on or your relationship with your H or whatever he is.
I have no idea why they are having a relationship of any kind. It's nice that you are trying to keep him from seeing you upset. Not. I'm dripping with sarcasm if you can't tell.
You need to sit him down and tell him to choose. You and his child or his ex. This isn't something that should be hard for him. He has a child with you and supposedly a relationship with you. Why is he over at her house doing "homework"? How old are you people?!?
She has made her intentions clear here. WTF are you not in his face screaming and throwing one hell of a fit?!?
I am going with MUD.
On the off chance that this is real life... I hope reality smacks you in the face really hard.
You shouldn't be ok with your H taking your child to an ex's house FOR ANY REASON. If he had half of a brain cell, he would know that was wrong.
School? Do either of you have a HS Diploma? ...No Seriously.
Why
What
Huh
There is no reason for him to still be in contact with her except if they had a child together. No reason especially considering how she treated you.
You guys, I don't think this is MUD. This guy has a history of being a complete waste of space as a partner. A previous post of hers:
"Every time I have talked to my husband about being there when the baby is born he says that he will be on vacation so he won't be there. After that he avoided any other talk about being there. I always thought that he was just kidding.
Tonight when we were talking about it he still said that he wasn't going to be there. I really wanted a series answer, but he kept changing the subject so I started to get mad. I started to cry and even though he was trying to comfort me, the tears became more and more uncontrollable. It means so much for him to be there and this is our first baby so I really need him to be there to support me. I know that before he has said that he hates seeing me in pain and wouldn't be able to bear it. How he wouldn't be much help because the doctors and nurses would be attending to him more.... but it means so much to me, ya know?
Well eventually he said that he would be there. It still doesn't seem like he meant it; more like he was trying to get me to stop crying. Did/does anyone else have this problem? What did you do?"
I read that too. He didn't want ot be there for the birth of his own child. Maybe because he didn't want to upset his girlfriend on the side. IT is so sad that he is choosing to upset the OP as opposed to upsetting the ex ( which she probably isn't an ex).
Yikes. If you are legally married, google "divorce lawyers" and then your zip code. 1-800-UHAUL <-Call that number because you are going to need one really soon.
WTF??
It seems we know what kind of homework they are really doing. I refuse to believe the OP is really this stupid. OP you are making women look dumb.
I keep thinking you must be a really really your newlywed... because this kind of behavior... how absolutely inappropriate and wrong it is... would be even a little it obvious to most people...
ON VACATION!?!?!?!?!!?!?! wtf. i would kick that man into oblivion. Your grown enough to make a baby... but not enough to support your WIFE or see it born??
Its difficult enough for divorced parents to deal with their children meeting the new significant others of their parents... why should a child of a married couple be meeting exes? especially one who was so hostile to you?
I can tell how much this hurts you and you just need to be strong. maybe seeing what an intelligent and self-sufficient WOMAN you can be will remind you that you dont need a scumbag like this in your life.
You don't want your daughter to grow up and think she deserves to be treated this way.