Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Romance dead?
My Hubby and I have been married for about 4 months and it has been a dry 4 months. There is no romance or sex in this relationship. I don't know if we are in a funk or what. When we do get around to fooling around, it's almost like a chore and not that enjoyable together anymore. There is no kissing or making out any more. No foreplay. There is plenty of going out and having tons of fun together, but no sexual or romantic gestures. What to do to get out of this dry spell?
Re: Romance dead?
If so, what were things like? Were they a lot different or were they the same as they are now?
If they are the same as they are now, you and he need to work on your sex life and do it together.
Have you and he sat down to discuss your sex life?
If not, you'd better -- as I always say, communication is key. It's a must.
What I also suggest:
You and he pick out some couples-only sex manuals. Amazon sells them, as do mainstream bookstores. It's not just a "how to" -- it's positions and other topics that you and he will find helpful.
If you don't know the basic whys and wherefores of sex, anatomy and physiology, try Woman's Body: Owner's Manual and Man's body: Owner's Manual. There's also the oldies but goodies like The Joy Of Sex.
I can sympathize with your situation. Seems like ever since we got engaged, sex has completely gone away. Maybe once every 3 weeks but that's about it. I think stress and lack of sleep are the culprits for us.
I agree with annsett's comments about talking to him about it and thinking about what has changed. You guys got married and that's a HUGE life change. Perhaps you are still adjusting to that. I would say sit down and talk about it and go from there.
Why don't you make the move. He may perhaps be letting you be. Weddings can be pretty stressful and maybe right before there wasn't much sex and romance since there was so much else goin on. But hey, why don't you go for it. It is actually a nice surprise for our men when we make the move.
How long have you been together? Was your sex life great before you were married? Did sex decline because of stressful wedding planning and never picked back up? Do you initiate? Does he? These are all things to think about.
First thing to is figure out what you mean by sexual and romantic gestures. You say you go out and have tons of fun together, but in what way? What do you consider romantic? Expensive night out? Dinner and a movie? Or maybe just "going out and having tons of fun together"? It all boils down to: What are you looking for?
As for the sex problem, what you need to do is talk to your husband-and not while you're in bed. If he doesn't initiate, ask him what's wrong. If it's you that's not feeling it, figure out what you're waiting for and talk to him about it.
You're married now, you're going to go through more awkward things that this, there shouldn't be anything you can't talk about. Communication is key