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Well at least you're married...
Need to vent a little. This might not be the appropriate board but wasn't sure where else to post it.
I've found that when talking to a few of my non-married girlfriends and I mention something that DH does that annoys me slightly (such as not rinsing the sink after shaving) the response is always "well at least you're married". I feel like I can't say anything negative without being chastised about it. I'm not talking about our marital issues or any arguments, just mentioning a pet peeve that I may have when it is relevant to the conversation. These are the same types of things that they say about their boyfriends but since I'm married I am no longer allowed to complain.
Has anyone else experienced this and if you have how did you handle it? I feel like my only option is to just not say anything.
Re: Well at least you're married...
How old are you?
My friends do the same thing. I'm the only married one. I didn't understand it at first but now I do. My friends really want to be married so for me to "complain" about something they want, they don't really want to hear it.
I really want to have a baby and when I hear moms complain/vent about their babies, I think to myself that at least you have a baby to complain about and I wish I just had a baby. Not saying it's right, but that's just how I feel sometimes.
TTC since September 2012
Can't say any of my friends or close family are rude enough to say anything like that. To me it DOES sound like a back handed comment and any true friend of mine would never make a back handed comment like that.
I would just say married or not everyone has complaints.
I would try talking to the about it one on one, shortly after a person has said it ( a day or 2) and say, "you know when you say 'at least you're married' it makes me feel like you are telling me my feelings aren't valid."
See what she says. Personally, I would distance myself from people who couldn't allow me to vent my feelings once and awhile, if I had given them an opportunity to remedy the situation.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I think your friends are being unfair and ridiculous. My goodness how would they feel if someone who was single told them they had no right to complain since they at least had boyfriends. Just because you are married, that doesn't mean you don't have a right to vent and be frustrated. Marriage can be difficult and frustrating and you have just as much right to complain as anyone.
This is so completely icky of these women. It's not just that they're invalidating your feelings, it's that they're so desperate to be married. Eww.
No, I don't know anyone like this.
This is the case for me, too. The difference is that I would never make a friend feel badly or belittle their situation. One day (hopefully) I will have a child and I know I will have a day where I will be in the same situation and need a friend. I try to be supportive.
I'm sorry your friends are acting this way. I think it's the "the grass is always greener on the other side" mentality. They think married life is the best because of the happily ever after. The reality is that being married is wonderful, but it takes work, which is why so many people get divorced. They realize it isn't always the fun people make it out to be... even if you're totally in love. GL!!!
I think you shouldn't be complaining about your husband to your friends.
I'm sure they don't want to know about his unappealing habits anyways.