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being melodramatic-talk some sense into me please...
Hello ladies,
I need either a kick in the tush or some sound impartial reasoning. (Warning: this might be a bit long)
I'm 28 and DH and I have been married for 5 yrs and until about a year ago I've been in grad school so we were very much trying not to get pregnant. Now I'm finally done and DH and I both have good jobs and we're happy.We both want kids and when we see a couple our age with a baby or a toddler we'll say "soon we'll have one of those".
So here's the problem.
I'm absolutely terrified. I can't stop thinking that by having a baby, that all the work I've done in the past eight years in college and grad school is for nothing. I realize that having a baby doesn't automatically make me a stay-at-home-mom, and obviously you can be a good parent(s) working full time but that's not what is in the front of my brain when I think about babies. I'm a chemist and I'm afraid that I may not be able to work if I'm pregnant or nursing because of the nature of chemicals that I work with. I've talked to DH, but he isn't the one that will carry it so I don't think he really gets my fear. I've talked to family but all I ever hear from them is "so any babies yet?" and my friends are either single or just now getting married so they don't have any ideas either.
Has anyone gone through something similar? I know I can't be the only one to freak out about this. Any ideas about how to calm myself down would be very much appreciated.
TIA!
Re: being melodramatic-talk some sense into me please...
In my honest opinion anything you do in life that is a goal or life changing in a good way is not for nothing. That fear your having is 100 percent normal and it's fine. Talking to your husband will not do you any good. He is a good shoulder to lean on I'm guessing but if he isn't in that field then he wouldn't be able to say if you can work around the chemicals or not.
If you are THAT afraid of being pregnant while in that type of field then why not talk to someone who might know or do some research.
It's very simple: if you're feeling that way, you are not ready for a family.
from here on in, don't discuss how yu feel with family. They're going to be on the baby bandwagon and they will expect you to do the same.
Put TTC and family on a back burner for another year, then see how you feel. You may be ready to have a family, you may decide Kids in 2 more years or you may decide We wish not to have kids at all.
This is up to you and your H. GL.
Not sure if I wrote what I was thinking correctly. After I re-read it it came out wrong. I do not mean it won't do you any good to talk to your husband at all. You should always confide in him. What I meant was I don't think you will get a solid answer if it's safe or not.
Are you currently working in your field? Either way, I'm sure there is someone out there who has worked in this environment and had a baby. Reach out to someone who has gone through the experience.
If you are working your field now, talk to HR about your concerns. I can't imagine a company can suspend you without pay for the length of your pregnancy! You may want to consider bottle feeding once baby is born (may not be ideal but sometimes you do what you gotta do!).
Thank you all for your responses.
To those of you who suggested it, you're right about talking to HR or others who have had children in this field. I will most definitely do that.
Tarpon: you're right about my family too. I know they mean well, but all they're doing is stressing me out more.
My concern isn't about risking my job, it is about inadvertently putting myself or my child at risk because of inhalation of chemical fumes, dust, etc. or accidentally having something absorb through my skin because of a spill and causing harm to the child.
So thank you all again.
-Britt
-Britt
In my opinion, it is near impossible to have a career and kids, and be able to do both at 100%. Either you will be at work thinking about kids, or with kids thinking about/busy with work.
If you decide to do both, ask yourself: would I be comfortable having someone else raise my child? (Whether it be a daycare center, MIL, mom, sister, ect...)
Know that having a career and kids, you will probably miss out on big moments in your kids' lives. Or you may miss out on a big promotion at your job.
It may be best to wait a year or so. Work in your field for a few years and re-evaluate about what you really want out of life.
Good luck!