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alternatives to BC due to NO libido!- Long
like ZERO! I have been on the nuvaring for about 8 years and have never had this issue before, but then again, before I met my FI, I wasnt having regular sex. Once we moved in together I started using the Nuvaring back to back and skipping my period. I hate my period, and we were having such awesome sex, I didnt want to waste a week by having my period! Since then, Its plummeted. I thought maybe it was just me adjusting to my new life, Ive never lived with someone until we moved in together. I thought maybe I was depressed, tried wellbutrin (something ive never taken, but have been on zoloft off and on for years). That didnt work. Tried talking myself into it, that didnt work. Tried faking it to make it, figured the more I had sex the more I would want it, that didnt work. . nothing is working!
Besides this issue, we are wonderful. We love each other SO much, and get along great. He is very supportive but he does get frustrated, and I feel so terrible by asking him to be patient. How long can you ask someone to be patient when nothing is changing?
When I would occasionally take out the nuvaring to get my period, I noticed the week without the ring I felt more in the mood. But I wasnt sure If that was my mind playing tricks on itself, and it really didnt matter if I was in the mood or not, because I am irrationally paranoid about getting pregnant, so I wouldnt want to have sex on a week without the BC.
Last month I went to my gyno, and she told me my low libido was most likely due to the BC and not having a period, and to take it out and just deal with a monthly period. She also told me to fake it to make it, the more sex I have the more ill start wanting it. She also sent me for a blood test for my hormones testosterone and thyroid which all came back normal. I should also mention, my older sister had the same issue with low libido when she was younger, but she never took birth control. Her doctor ended up giving her a testosterone pill
I took out y nuvaring a few weeks ago and was SO in the mood one night...I made a move on my FI and then of course....my stomach started hurting, i needed a bathroom and the mood was killed. The week after I put it back in we ended up having awesome sex.
My family doctor recently prescribed me vyvance, a ADHD medication and since Ive been taking it, ive been feeling great in every aspect in life, except the sex department, I was reading online last night that ADHD meds can cause an increase in libido! But not for me!! (im on the lowest dose) he also wanted me to take zoloft in combination with the vyvance, but I stopped taking it because I know it can cause low libido from past expeirience. The last thing I need is something taking away my libido when im trying to hard to get it back. I have an appointment with my family doctor tomorrow and am going to bring up the libido issue with him because.....
I talked with a counselor last week and she made a lot of sense when she told me it may be an anxiety thing. that i am probably worrying myself so much constantly, about my lack of sex that im inadvertantly pshycing myself out of it. That made a lot of sense to me considering almost every night when we go to bed Im thinking "omg he is going to want to have sex and I am just so not into it". I am constantly googling something about low libido trying to find and answer and i KNOW im stressing myself out. My family doctor also gave me xanax a few years back after I had a terrible car accident and was suffering from PTSD which was causing me to have major panic attacks. I did not take the xanax often at all. He gave me 15 pills and I finished them all after two years. I never went back for a refill.
Last night, we went thru a box of cards and love letters we wrote to each other and I came across a letter I wrote him over a year ago apologizing for my low sex drive and excusing it by saying we were having so much stress at the time. At the time I wrote that, i honestly believed thats what was the problem. And this was around the same time these issues started. This letter made me so sad I didnt even want to finish going thru the box. for the next couple of hours, my chest was so heavy and I just wasnt breathing very well. I ended having a full blown panic attack, like needing to breath into a paper bag and everything. When FI asked me whats wrong I told him the letter upset me, he started asking me about what it was about sex I didnt like etc etc. All I could tell him was the obviously I am the one with the problem, and I need to get on his level by wanting as much sex as him because its not fair for me to ask him to turn off his feelings for me. We ended up arguing because he took it as me attacking him and acting like he is some animal with his sexual urges which isnt what I was saying at all, I was just saying that I should want more sex because apparently, everyone is having more sex than us.
I dont want to be on a million different medications to try to fix this problem, and after reading thru the forums from other women with this issue, BC seemed to play a major role. I really do not want to stop taking BC. I am terrified of getting pregnant by mistake, and feel like I will constantly be stressing myself out thinking im pregnant because Im not on BC. The counselour suggested we started using condoms. neither one of us want to do that at all. Like we want to avoid it at all costs, but I dont know what other options there are!! Ive heard of the rhythm method, avoiding sex during your ovulation period. I know some older women who swear by this, but again, im paranoid, and I have no clue when I ovulate, ive never actually wrote it down and paid attention.
Considering its only been one month, and ive only removed my nuvaring one time, can I hope this will get better soon? Or should I seriously consider stopping BC? We get married in April, and I am so sad and freaking out that we go on our honeymoon, and I told want to do what honeymooners do....have tons of sex. and then Im terrified that if i DO end the BC, ill end up like everyone says I will....getting pregnant on my honeymoon.
I want to enjoy marriage for awhile before we have a baby and I really dont want a surprise child. I like being in control of my life, and I want to be in control of when I get pregnant.
I feel like I am losing my mind. please help!
I will add, his family is INSANE. they have caused so much stress and drama in our life in the last year, but FI has ended up cutting them out of his life and things have been great, so I dont feel like this is a source of stress in our relationship anymore. I feel like the ONLY source of stress is this sex issue!
Re: alternatives to BC due to NO libido!- Long
Why won't you consider something non hormonal: diaphragm and/or condom, sponge, vaginal foam, vaginal film, to name a few?
I do not like the IUD. I think they're contrary to nature.
Bottom line:
If sex is important to you and getting in the mood and being in the mood is imporant to you, consider something non hormonal.
You can fit a diaphragm into foreplay or just insert it before the time you know you'll probably be having sex. (Even if you insert it and you don't have sex, it's a 'nothing ventured nothing gained' kind of thing and all you'll do is remove it.:) ) Use it with a spermicide.
It wouldn't hurt to try the diaphragm or any one of the other suggested non hormonal birth control methods I suggested. And I don't think a condom is a mood killer -- if you were single and unattached and sexually active, you'd be using a condom, anyway, to protect against STDs, right?
Make the condom part of foreplay. You put it on him. He can't go wrong with that at all.:)
Wishing you luck.
In regard to this:
When FI asked me whats wrong I told him the letter upset me, he started asking me about what it was about sex I didnt like etc etc. All I could tell him was the obviously I am the one with the problem, and I need to get on his level by wanting as much sex as him because its not fair for me to ask him to turn off his feelings for me. We ended up arguing because he took it as me attacking him and acting like he is some animal with his sexual urges which isnt what I was saying at all, I was just saying that I should want more sex because apparently, everyone is having more sex than us.
He blew this waaay out of proportion. Let this blow over for about a week and you sit down with him and you tell him why you got upset --- this was a "you" thing and you direly want things to be the way they are; you are not usurping his manhood or anything like that.
Get another gyn. This ain't 1955 and you're not June Cleaver. That''s advice that should have gone out with Eisenhower, fins on cars and the DA.:)
My concern with a spremidcide is that I have a "non healing wound" inside my vagina. My last gyno told me it was all in my head and i went on in pain for months...after sex one night we got a mirror and looked and saw a cut on the inside! something about my hymen never fully detatched or something. Anyway, the gyno i have now told me to try this estrogen cream to heal it. she doesnt think itll work but it is worth a shot. I will most likely end up needing surgery to repair it which involves them recutting the tear and stitching it back up. This has to be done before I start having children. I am afraid that the spermicide will end up burning this tiny cut. ugh,,,,, i have so many issues. lol
Im going to try it anyway and see what happens. I do NOT want an implant, that freaks me out so much. We would rather not use condoms just because they are uncomfortable for both of us but will do whatever we have to do. it that means suck it up and use a condom then we will. But again, me and my paranoid self...i know id be like "did it come off? did it leak? did it rip?" The diaphram sounds ideal because like you said it can be incorporated into foreplay
It's custom fitted. A gyn measures you and you take the script to your drugstore.
If you gain or lose 15 pounds it's suggested you get refitted for a new one.
They're usually made of rubber. It's got like a wire rim around it; it's easy to insert and remove once you get the knack of it.
Spermicides are usually inserted in such a way so that they cover the cervix.
And there'e surgery for a partially detached hymen; a doc can do it in office. Life's too short to live with something like an open unhealed cut so see what you think about the surgery.
I had the Nuvaring for about 2 years and had a similar problem. I loved it at first, but after a while I started noticing that the week that I didn't have it I felt normal, but the 3 weeks I had it in I felt terrible. No sex drive at all, exhausted, sleeping most of the day. I finally got sick of it and stopped taking it. It took quite a while for my body to re-regulate itself after that but once it did, the sex drive was back in full force
.
I was going to suggest condoms or if you don't want kids for a while a non-hormonal IUD. I have that now and love love love it. But if you're not comfortable with that then I second PP about a diaphragm or sponges. GL
How long does it take the get the diaphram back from the pharmacy?
im really bummed that the nuvaring may be the cause of all of this. ive been on it for such a long time and have been so happy with it. Considering its a hormonal BC, im afraid to try anything else because i dont want to run into the same issues. it was good while it lasted i guess. My older sister around my age had a lot of problems with BC and just ended up not being able to take it I guess im spoiled because the ring is just SO easy, but no amount of convenience is worth all of this. that panic attack last night was the icing on the cake.
In the last year i have put on 20 pounds and have been extremely lethargic, im thinking the hormonal birth control may be the cause if this all. Also, my PMS has been out of control which was never an issue with me before. now, PMS is like the end of the world.
My only concern with an IUD is that because I dont have any children, i dont want to have any complications when I do decide to get pregnant. Plus, I dont want to have one put in just to decide in a year that Im ready for a baby. The plan was to start trying to get pregnant at the end of this year, or early next year, depending on our situation with buying a house, finances etc. it would be silly to get an IUD just to turn around and have it taken out in a year
True. And it is true that there is a possibility of problems with the IUD. But I don't have kids yet either. I won't lie, it hurt like a mofo when it was inserted, but the next day or so just felt like regular tolerable menstrual cramps. And since there are no hormones as soon as it is removed you should be immediately back to fertile. But it is expensive so if you really want kids within the year or so it may not be worth it. If it is something you want to consider, go to paragard.com and just look around.
I hope that you find something that will help you whether it be the IUD, or a diaphragm or whatever. GL
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Probably a week or so.
The sponge is available on line through on line drugstores. drugstore.com sells them.
It is a good thing you are proactively working on this problem. You know by experience that sex is one of the big issues a couple will argue over.
You know, Tarpon, the OP is going to be on TIP in a year complaining about her marriage and all the fights they have over sex and you'll say something like:
"You dated this guy and when you found out you were sexually incompatible --- that's what the problem is: you are sexually imcompatible --- you should have said goodbye right there and moved on.
If sex is important to you (him), you should have found a guy (woman) who liked sex as much as you (he) did."
OP, I'd seriously consider postponing the wedding. Get rid of the nuvaring, get outside or to the gym for an hour a day and produce a true sweat. Make a commitment to yourself to continue to see the counselor you spoke with and start working through whatever it is that has gotten you so anxiety-ridden.