BNOTB
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Back and Forth
My husband and I have decided to start TTC in August. Sometimes I get so excited, thinking I can hardly wait until August. But other times I get totally freaked out and think that there's no way I'll be ready by then.
H and I have both agreed that once August comes, if we are not ready, we will wait, but I go back and forth so much that I am scared that when the time comes I won't know if I'm ready or not!
Is this normal?
Re: Back and Forth
I feel the exact same way. My husband and I just bought our first house and both have very stable jobs. Even though he is also going to school, based on our schedules and our age (30's), we are thinking we might want to start trying soon.
But it is a roller coaster, emotionally. I'm super excited and ready and feel prepared and then suddenly it's like "am I ready to be a mom?".
I am in the EXACT same place. My husband and I were planning to try to conceive in August of this year, but this week we had this whole shakeup where we thought--should we really have kids? Are we READY to have kids? And we both always thought we wanted children; we'd even made lists of potential names. But we read some harrowing comments from parents who regretted having children. We know that having children changes your life, and we're frightened that it might be mainly for the worse. But I'm about to turn 30 (yes, I know I still have time before I reach "advanced maternal age," but what if we want two kids?), and the clock is starting to present itself.
I think the thing that scares me most is that I might become a stay-at-home mom by default. I'm a writer just about finished with my first book, but just because I usually work from home doesn't mean I want to be home all day with a baby. (I don't mean to denigrate anyone who DOES want that--more power to them; it's just something I've always known--that I don't want to be a SAHM). And I've read all kinds of testimonials from women who said that they and their spouses meant to go at things 50-50, but that after a baby they just sort of slipped into traditional roles without meaning to. That's my nightmare. I don't want to lose my identity in having children, and all the media frenzy about perfect, self-sacrificing moms out there (and those mommy calling cards you see on Etsy that say "Sally Smith, mother to Jacob and Suzie") isn't helping.
On the other hand, I experience occasional bouts of "baby fever," and I do find myself enviously eyeing parents with toddlers. And trust me, plenty of people online are really on the fence about having a first baby or an additional child. And there's the fact that I LOVE my own huge family (4 siblings and I), and when I think of myself in my fifties and sixties and seventies, I imagine celebrating holidays in a house filled with people and laughter and, yes, grandkids. (No way of skipping straight to grandparenthood, I suppose?) And I can see myself filled with regret if I never had children.
In short: torn. It's tough. But I think doubts are normal, even if you are future happy parent. If you don't have fears and doubts about having kids, I don't think you've really thought about it.
This is exactly how I feel! I am glad I'm not the only one. It's crazy how I seriously go from one extreme to the other.
I am so glad to read this...there is some days where I am lets make babies...other days are NO WAY NEVER!
I have some medical issues we dealing with now so that gives us no choice but not to for now, but I am 30 in 25 days and getting kinda freaked out that we should sooner than later.
Other times I'm like "OMG May is 2 months away! Should I really be doing this?!"
... but then I bought OPKs on Amazon and that made things exciting, even though I won't be using them until May, and I'll be using them for TTA.
I think it's normal to feel unsure! It's a big life change. For those of you who commented about hearing horror stories and such, a baby does change your life but it isn't a harrowing or horrible experience. It's just different and so wonderful.
We are one and done, so we had alot of the same feelings when we were trying to decide to grow our family by adding #2.
In our case the reasons we stopped at one were valid to us and the topic was always (and still is) open for conversation. Also, I belive that a child should be wholeheartedly wanted by both parents if it is a planned pg. DD was a surprise and we wouldn't have it any other way, but what I'm saying is if you are planning to bring a child into this world make sure it's for the right reasons.
GL to you all if and when you're ready.
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