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Very long but important
We have been struggling w/ Julie's older brother, and his wife. They are mormon. . . need I continue. They came to the wedding stayed for five minutes, said hello to julie looked her in the eye then just brushed right by me. We were standing RIGHT next to each other. They wrote me a nasty email, right after Prop 8 passed. This was my reply. To harsh? I know back story may be needed, but this is all I've got to give right now.
B, and ML,
What I write to you comes from everything I have. It's not a peice of trash to be thrown away, it's honest, and I will leave it up to you. You can take it or leave it.
I will apologize if my actions have come off as brash, but I need you to know that, I honestly gave it my best. I knew from the minute you saw Julie and I together that you saw Julie and I together you were being judgemental. It hurt. I was honestly giving it my all to get to know you. I had never met you before, I wasn't going to be one to judge you. I was trying, but you guys had that " Oh my god gay people" vibe. It stung. I was like these two are soon to be my family, and have a wall up because I'm gay. I didn't understand. I probably never will, but I hope that you will understand something. Being gay isn't something that Julie and I woke up deciding to do one day. We would never choose to walk this path of life, that is often misunderstood, and quickly judged. It's not something that we view as fun. It's difficult. We get looks. We get stares. We get called queers when walk down the street, I could go on forever. But on the flip side we would never pretend to be straight either. Being gay is not something you wake up one morning deciding to do, just how you don't wake up and decide to be black, asian, mexican, or straight. It's the way you are, and I know one day that science will prove this, but untill then I hope that you will not let religion shape your view on this, but that you will take my honest word on it. Julie and I are together for the same reason you and Brian are because you love each other, and want to be together. Regardless of my age, I am capable of the same things you are, evoking the same feelings, and having the same thoughts. I am not a presumptious teenage girl that doesn't understand reality, and I feel as though thats what you think of me, but I do hope that you will understand, and not expect Julie and I to change our behavior in front of you. We are who we are.
I feel as though you've taken my sarcasim, and turned into something it's not. I give everybody a hard time. I wouldn't take it personal. I never meant to make you feel seculded,isolated, or even judged. I was trying to get to know you. I was joking around with you, offering you to play a game, talking about our wedding with you because I was trying to find common ground, and I thought it was going well, and then I got you email. I can honestly say that it came as a blow. I felt as though every wall I was trying to break down, had just been built up ten times higher, and now today I feel as though I am one girl responisble for busting down the Trade Towers. I don't know how I'm going to do that. I tried being myself, and that failed. So who do you want me to be?
I can honestly say to you two that I had never once been fake. I like debating politics, actually I live for it. So if I counter act what you say, it's only because I want to know more, I want you to back up why your voting for so and so. I want to know why you think his platfom is great. It may not be my opinion but I will listen, and I will probably try to find a way to counter act, it. To prove you wrong. It's nothing personal. I do that with every one, my grandma, my sister, Rachel, Kathy, my dad, everyone. I want to know why your political views are the way they are. I want you to back them up, and if it comes out harsh, it's just because I am passionate about them.
I never meant for it to come off as though I didn't like you, or that I was irritated by you. In actuality I was thinking the opposite. I was beginning to feel as though I had a relationship with you. That I knew more than just your first name. It was rough for me. I feel as though I was never given a shot by Brian. I would try to develope conversation over small things, like video games, and all I would get was " it's cool". I tried to convience myself that he was just shy, but I knew that wasn't the case. I still tried.
And if I ever did come across as irritated it was because, we had just spent forever waiting for you to come over, or you had given us the run around. The perfect example for me is the morning when Julie called and invited you over for spaghetti for her birthday. We didn't want it turn into a big deal. Just a small something so she could, have her siblings together. She was hoping for a straight answer, but we didn't get one untill 5minutes before we ate. It was frustrating because, we called multiple times, and never heard. So I went out and got enough stuff for all of us, and then you didn't show. That was frustrating. I get frustrated by the constant go around, not you individually. I never didn't like you for you. I just hated the constant will call you back. Sometimes we all just want to 'get on with it'.
I hope as though you continue to get to know that you will realize that I put my heart and soul into everything, not just this or that. If I do it, I go for it full force. I'm assuming you want examples. I decided to work, so I figured if I was going to work, I better work as hard as I can. School, I decided to go to school, so I am going to work my hardest to get the best grade possible. Moving, we decided to move to Portland so that I could go to school, and once I got here, I have worked my hardest to make sure we have everything we need.
As far as Facebook goes. I never meant to make you feel 'secluded or uncool'. It was kinda like throwing you bait, and hoping you'd bite. I was searching for something that we could have in common. I was hoping that maybe it would be a way for us to get to know you better, and you to get to know us. I was just trying to find another level we could connect on, and it failed. I didn't mean for you to feel secluded.
Furthermore, if youd like to watch a specific movie just ask, bring it over. You may think that we will roll our eyes and sigh. But thats not the case. There have been many nights when we watch clean movies, and just laugh. There have been nights when we have just played games, and laughed. If you would to do something other than the norm, just ask. We will happily oblige. We could go bowling. Take a trip to Seattle. We could go to the waterfalls. Go to dinner. Do anything. Honestly there are times we too get bored, and would like to do anything other than watch a movie, but we sometimes struggle with 'what to do'.
Your religion is hard to deal with. Actually for the four of us every religion is hard. We feel as though every religion is actually in some way judging every step we take, so we do with out it. We are happy the way we are. We have all had religion spoon fed down our throats. Rachel, Jesse, and Julie with school. Me with going to church 2+ times a week. We all took our shot at it, and it's not for us. We find our peace/harmony in other ways. I know that I can speak for all of us when I say that. We are happy that you have a support system for you two. Something to help guide you. Actually I can say that I admire that you put that much faith into something. Everything that I have around me, is something that I want to be able to touch, see, smell, etc. We are all happy, we all know that god wants us to be happy, and we are. Therefore we must be doing something right. As long as you both are happy with your religion we will butt out.
To wrap it all up, I want you to know that I am honestly pouring my heart out. The risk envolves scares me. I am afraid you will squash like last time. I truly never was fake with you. I was never something I wasn't. I was never against you. I was just giving it my all, and began to get frustrated when I was receiving nothing back. I guess that is the way the cookie crumbles, but I hope you know. It's honest, and that my feelings are truth.
Re: Very long but important
Like you said we don't know the back story. Did you get a random ugly email after Prop 8? Like a 'hahahha' type email? I don't think anything you wrote is harsh and it would be hard to misinterpret anything.
I'm sorry you're dealing with family drama but 1) it seems like your taking a mature path and 2) it seems like there is a real chance of having a connection with them. Even if things haven't been perfect, at least Julie's brother has been willing to come over and has interacted with you. It's a starting point and that's something many of us don't get.
Yea, for the most part it was a hateful, hahaha prop 8 email. I nearly puked.
but like I said Brian, hasn't even held a conversation w/ me, and I've lost count of how many times I've seen them. It's just a bit old. The hardest part is that he was completely okay w/ Julie and I until he married his mormon wife. It's just a bit hard to swallow, kind of like 'your not good enough for me now'.
I'm really sorry you have to deal with family drama. It's never any fun and always causes so much hurt.
Like Two*True said, nothing seemed harsh or difficult to understand. I hope you are able to work things out and find some common ground. ((hugs))