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Helllllp !!!
Ok my husband and I been married for 7months and he a mama boy and I hate it because this valentines was are first as a married couple I was so excited that it was going to be me and him. But it turn out he invited his mom and I was so mad cause I thought it was going to be me and him and there was a lot couples and they just look at us funny cause we were with his mom and even on our honeymoon we were with his aunt and uncle and his cousin but we didn't know how to get to Houston but it was our honeymoon and they even went to look around town with us and even to eat at different restaurant they didn't even let us enjoy our honeymoon by ourself. Anyways they point is his mom still go with us everywhere even to the mall were never by ourself were always with the family the only day we were by our self was our first date but he always listen to what his mom say and when I tell him he doesn't listen to me only his mom and she always calling him and when he got a new job she went with him on the interview and when he got his first pay check guess who he took to dinner me and his mom and even when we go out he ask his mom to come even to the movies I just want it to be a lone time with just me and him as a newlywed but we never have by ourself how can I change him not to be a mamas boy but to grow up and be a man cause he married now and needs to grow up please help me !!!!!!!
Re: Helllllp !!!
Yeah, this. But I have to ask. Did he get the job where his mom went with him on the interview?!? Because I would have laughed him out of my office.
Uh huh. Sure.
He invited her to Valentine's Day? And she went w/ him on his interview?
O.k.- MAYBE I could buy the Valentine's Day part of it. I've read enough here to know that unfortunately, there may really be men THAT entwined w /their mom's emotionally that this could happen.
But the job interview?
I find it hard that a man THIS reliant on his mom would actually attract a woman long enough to actually make it to marriage.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I totally missed that he had his mommy accompany him on his job interview. That's hilarious!
flowergirl, have you asked your husband what he would like to change about you, now that you're married?
Do you live in the same house as her?
How old are you?
Does she pay your bills?
I definitely agree - you knew this all along..did you think it would change when you got married?
I'm also curious if he got the job where his mommy went on the interview with. That's hilarious!
TTC since June 2012
Good point - because I do feel I wasted a couple minutes of my day trying to figure out what she was saying. And I'm sorry, couldn't she have figured him out when they never had a date with just the two of them (minus the first date)?? Red flag for sure!!!
TTC since June 2012
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Holy running stream of consciousness batman! I feel out of breath after just reading this.
Well I'm assuming he was like this with his Mommy BEFORE you went ahead and got married. Hate to break it to you, but marriage doesn't magically turn little boys into full fledged men. He is the same man he was before you said your vows. Not sure why you thought it would suddenly be different.
I don't have much advice for you other than to be honest with him - communicate your expectations, insist he esablish firm boundaries with his Mom, etc. Although I honesty don't believe it's going to do you any good now. I think - you made your bed...
Seriously LOL. This post deserves a heartfelt WTF.
If this isn't MUD...
Get a divorce. This situation will not change. After you separate, get some therapy so you can figure out why in the world you would marry a man like this. Then you should go out and look for a life partner whose scrotum has descended and whose testes are all his own.
The OP is either very young and/or English is not her first language.
Holy two's company three's a crowd, Batman....didn't you get to spend any time alone with him YET????
Ugh.
This is a mess all around.
YOU are his priority. Not anybody else.
And you are also his family. Not anybody else.
I hate to say it but here goes....
You don't have to step outside to know it's raining and you sure don't need the roof to fall in on ya for you to realize it's broken.
Going into your serious relationship -- and early on in your dating relationship, before it got serious -- you knew what he was.
When you saw what he was, you needed to say goodbye and look for a full grown man.
Willing to bet that you thought his family would move to the back burner once the rice was thrown after your ceremony: as you can see, that's not going to be happening anytime soon.
You cannot get him to grow up.
The only thing I can suggest is that you demand counseling for his problem -- he needs to learn how to cut apron strings -- but if he refuses to go, the problem will be there forever.
You can then demand that he put YOU first and put them on a back burner but doubtful if he will go for that.
If he won't cut them off --- and put YOU first --- I don't see any hope for your marriage. You'll wind up saying goodbye sooner or later...or maybe he will.
You might as well send him packing and get this thing annulled.
If this is cultural, very bad news. You cannot fix that.
Holy wow --- how OLD is this fellow -- sounds like a rather peculiar chap -- and huh? come again??? There are maps and mapquest!
even on our honeymoon we were with his aunt and uncle and his cousin but we didn't know how to get to Houston but it was our honeymoon
This guy sounds like he is about 10 years of age.
ECB: they call this a "helicopter parent." Don't laugh -- there are parents that go on interviews with their kids and who call their kid's bosses when stuff happens on the job.
She went with him to do what -- to make sure he voided in the little jar??
Dude, that is weird with a capital W.
UGH. Please tell me it gives you the creepy crawlies as much as it gives us the creepy crawlies.
He is strange and his mother is stranger! What have we got here -- Norman Bates and his mother???
No, honey --- they do not change. Not at all. What you see is what you get, and if I may be a bit blunt as a pimple on an asscheek:
You chose your poison. And you've drunk it. Ya made your bed and now you're sleeping in it.
This is strange....this entire relationship he has with his mother.
Very strange. To the point where it is unhealthy and just plain abnormal.
He is not *just* a mama's boy: there is something erattically wrong with his thought process and the way he relates to a woman not related to him.
I strongly advise you to get yourself to an attorney tomorrow. You are married less than one year. You can get this marriage annulled in a civil court and with probably no difficulty at all.
Don't even tell him you're going to dissolve the marriage. An annulled marriage means that the record of the marriage legally no longer exists. It's drummed out and voided.
Your husband has more than a few screws loose in his head and it would be best for you to just leave him and get it annulled.
Has he got a learning disability, too -- or has he got mental problems? If he's got mental problems, that would explain most of the abnormalities in the relationship with his mother, and also with you.
Get yourself out of there. Tomorrow.
And be more sophisticated; you are 24 years of age. The proper term is "drug test by urinalysis" not "pee test." Really.
I'm curious as to why you thought this behavior would change once you got married? How does a piece of paper change ones history of behavior?
You shouldn't marry someone expecting them to change. It doesn't work like that. Marriage is great, but it isn't going to transform who you are as a person.
What did he say when you told him "hey honey, could we celebrate our Valentines with just us two?" Or "we need to have alone time on our honeymoon." Don't get me wrong, these things are common sense, but I'm wondering if he thinks you are cool with it because you haven't objected. Because I would have had lots to say to my H about this.
Just a thought, can you talk to his mom directly? Depends on the type of person she is. Just mention that you want some alone time, since my guess is if you asked for anything more she would freak out. A couple date alone-don't threaten her power and she may side with you.
Seriously, good luck. This seems like a huge mess.
No, no no no no NO!
And even if she spoke to his mother, the discussion will go over with his mother like a fart in a crowded elevator.
This is a lost cause.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Let me clarify-this is the last ditch effort of the last ditch for someone who just plain will not let go. The relationship described in the op is one I can't comprehend, but I think it's been well covered how she should run and never look back.
Have you thought about getting a job -- three states away?!?
Seriously, you need to sit down with your new husband and have a LONG talk about your expectations inside of this marriage. Change is going to be hard on him, but boundaries need to be established NOW (OK, probably 6 1/2 years ago -- Yikes!) Explain that you married him, not his mother. It's great that they have a close relationship, but this is over the top. Don't ask him to stop being a mamma's boy cold turkey -- it won't work, but see if he is willing to start setting aside some couple time, and then slowly increase it. Maybe suggest that he take mom on a "date" (without you) once a month so he doesn't get the feeling you are trying to shut her out of his life.
Is this real life?!?
OP you have a H who is attached to his mother. Deal with it or get a divorce.
I'm serious.
Run the hell away from his family. AND HIM.