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I more or less outed somebody who is fooling around on a gf...
Some of you will say This is Bad. Some of you will say "Too bad on him" and some of you will say "You should have said nothing at all."
So I more or less outed my brother...
And guess what...I don't care!
According to bro, "The saying is 'never rat on your family.'" Duh, I have never seen Goodfellas. So bully to you, bro.
NOPE...The quote is "All's fair in love and war."
The saga with bro and
one of the fillies in his stable goes on.
Before I begin the story, here are the cast members
Me
A (one of bro's gfs)
S (bros exFI)
M (S's daughter)
Some backstory: Bro is still involved with his exFI S. It is now 8 years since she's broken up his engagement to bro.
He cheated on her; she ended the engagement and moved out...but she and bro did not end the relationship.
He's also dating 3 or 4 other people; A, one of them. She's been seeing him nearly 4 years.
A "knows" and has known for a very long time, that bro is still seeing S. but she has ignored the signs: he still has S's photos in his apartment, A has found a photo (recent one) of S's 10 year old dd and him; it was in his wallet and he's replaced A's photos with photos of S.
Bro and A have argued constantly over the presence of S's photos.
So as you see, she "knows" but won't come to terms with it.
Here's what happened...
2 weeks ago on a Saturday somewhere around 7;30pm, I
see a compact grey car parked halfway in my driveway and halfway onto the
sidewalk. It was dark; I couldn't tell whose car it was.
I see bro's car backing down the street.
I hear the grey
car start its engine and then I see it pull into the driveway and pull up onto
the side of it, onto the grass, next to my car.
The person gets out of the car; it's S --
this is the former FI that bro is still seeing, the one with the 10 1/2 yo
daughter.
S gets into bro's car and they leave.
Wait a minute, I
said to myself...is S going to leave that car here ?? There is the winter
break next week --- she is a teacher -- and 2 years ago, he let her leave her
car here wihile she was on vacation -- and he did NOT ask me if it was okay. I
gave him hell them, simply because 2 people own this home, not one. Bro lives in the apartment upstairs from me.
He
said "Oh okay I will never do anybody a favor again." That was 2011 he said this...hahahaha...great.
Back to the present...
About 2 hours
later, bro and S return and this time they have M the daughter with them. I was
going to ask her if she was planning on leaving that car there but I figured
maybe I was wrong and she'll be leaving.
Nope...she did indeed leave the
car here for winter break.
She and M slept upstairs for a few hours and
then somewhere around 5:30 he drove them to the airport.
Later on that
day (this is Sunday, 2 weeks ago) I gave him hell -- again he did not ask me was
it okay for S to leave her car here --- and we had a huge fight.
I called A. to tell her I was pissed
at him but I wasn't going to say over what.
She was not there; i got her
phone and left a message.
10 minutes later, my phone rings. It's Bro,
wanting to know "What do you want from A?"
I said, "She asked you to call
me?" He goes yeah. I said "Why in the world would she do that? Why didn't she
call me herself? (I am kind of pissed at that myself; I am very friendly with A.)
"I don't know; A
wants to know what you wanted; she asked me to find out."
I did not call
her back and she did not call me, either -- and I am kind of pissed that she
"went through" him to see what was up with me.
On Thursday S returns --
she picked the car up and left.
Last Tuesday, I called A to ask her did
she really call him and ask him to call me.
She said "yeah, he said you
and he had an argument. He said he was kind of concerned and worried about
you."
HA HA. Really, bro? You were worried....about me...
I said, "Would you like to know what the argument was over?"
She
said yeah and I said "S's car was here last week --"
That is ALL I
said.
She then said something to the effect of "I am having a problem
with that." or "I'll see about this" -- I don't know; it all happened so
fast.
I said "Don't tell him I told you" -- and I was GOING to explain
the rest -- that I was pissed he gave her permission to use the driveway -- and
the line went dead.
I called A's phone; she isn't picking up. I tried an
hour later; same thing.
I have not been on speaking terms with bro since
the day after S left the car here, when we had the argument about S using the
driveway.
Today he finally speaks up: "You ratted on me. Don't you have
any more phone calls to make?" then he goes "'Never snitch
on your family' as they said in Goodfellas. Now, GET OUT OF MY
HOUSE!!!!"
Haha.
I said, "I told you 61/2 months ago after Dixie
died that I was no longer going to cover for you. This is your Frankenstein
monster; YOUR lookout and not mine. I refuse to enable you." (when his dog was critically ill, it was S and M he called to be with him at the vet's; he did NOT call A. Very telling in that right there)
I kept
getting "Get out of my house."
Haha. How is it "yours" when TWO people own it???
A never ever called me back.
Not even to ask me while she was on the line with me "are you sure it is her car?" or "what in the world would her
car be doing there? she'd need it for work, right?" or "Tell me what you know"
-- maybe I was wrong and this was somebody else's car!
Look: She KNEW
what was what with S, did A:
S's photos are all over the house and he refuses to take
them down. A found a photo in bro's wallet of him and the daughter -- and a very
recent one; this happened in September. (he left his wallet behind and she
called to tell him it was there and while she was at it, she looked through the
wallet and there was the photo of him and S's daughter.
If all of these
signs are there, hey: if it walks like a duck then it's a damn fucken
duck!
So that's where this is at.
A never called me
back.
She's got a number of my items; she borrowed several DVDs and 2 of
my boxed Mad Men DVD sets; she also borrowed $50 from me and I haven't seen
that, either.
I am hesitant to even call and ask for what she borrowed
and for her to return it.
Do I feel guilty about saying anything about
that car?
Not really and I don't give a rat's ass what he thinks, either.
I very kindly reminded him what I said back in mid-August -- This was after the
incident with the vet: as you will recall, S and the daughter were there with
bro and I more or less had to talk A out of driving over there and into the eye
of the storm.
Many of you said "you should have gotten a bag of popcorn
and sat back and watched the show." Maybe I should have. ** it.
I've
got a whole canyon full of things on my plate and he doesn't even ask me about
them. That's another story and again, this is his problem, not mine. He's been
leading her on, anyway --- she hardly even sees him anymore; he finds ways
around it and she gladly falls for it hook line and sinker -- and a long time
ago, he told me A was still married. (A told me she is
divorced)
Really?
So why, then, is she getting her nose out of
joint over S and bro
Not for nothin but both of
them ARE SINGLE.Kinda odd, if you ask me.
So now he's got his BVDs in a
twist over me. Get out of "MY HOUSE" infucken deed.
He has said a million
times that he doesn't care if A finds out. So what's he bitching over, then?
Last August I told him that I was no longer going to enable him and "Manage his expectations," so to speak. he fully expected me to cover his ass for him while S came and went. I told him that this is his Frankenstein monster from here on in and that was that.
I guess he did not remember what I said. Pity.
He isn't pissed A found out; he's pissed that S's cloak of confidentiality has been ruptured: THAT is why he is so mad. I can't figure out what all the protectionalism is about with S. He doesn't even care about A and he's repeatedly said "I don't care if she finds out."
Re: I more or less outed somebody who is fooling around on a gf...
I would say less. It was something that could have been innocent but sounded odd to her because of all the other things that happened. It sounds like the girl just finally had enough. They all sound like a weird bunch.
It's funny how he is putting all the blame on you when he did all of this himself.
And he is only pissed because the big cloak of protection he put around S is now demolished.
This is all about protecting S, not "oh sh!t A found out."
It is weird...my brother and I grew up minus a father and bro has never married. I think he sees S &M as a family and this is why he will never break up with her. In 3 more months it will be 10 whole years he is involved with her.
And this is effed up for the kid, too: her whole life she's KNOWN this guy??? Her entire life and he's been hanging around? Mommy is this a boyfriend? Mommy why aren't you and DaddyE married?
Weird for the kid. Very strange arrangement.
I can't believe you never saw Goodfellas! Such a good movie!
And as far the brother goes, whatever!
haha. Yeah, he was worried, all right...that he was going to be exposed.
We had no father growing up. Maybe this is why he is the way he is. I don't know.
I'm not going to feel sorry for your brother, because yeah that situation is all kinds of messed up. But I do think you need to take a step back.
It seems like you consider his new Gf a friend, and you think she deserves better than how she is being treated. Which is true. But here's the thing. She knows what's going on. You know she knows. She knows that you know that she knows. But for whatever reason, she's not that bothered by this, or at least not bothered enough to break up with him. It sucks, but I don't really think anything you tell her is going to make her see the light if it hasn't already.
It sounds like you can't live with their choices because you're too close to the middle and its stressing you out feeling like you're a part of something you don't agree with. You don't want to or can't afford to move, so instead you're trying to change the people around you. You've seen how well that's working.
She isn't a *new* gf. She was involved with him years ago and about 4 or 5 years back she called him and they got back together. So this bit with A has been going on for 4 entire years.
She won't break up with him because of low self esteem. She's complained to me he's been rude to her, he calls her names and blah blah blah --- yet it's the same old story. She stays with him because she more or less *can't find anything better.*
And if it didn't work the first time years ago what made yu think that it will magically and seamlessly work if you start seeing him again? Not going to happen.
This is where I stopped reading. What were you hoping to accomplish by bringing A into a situation that had nothing to do with her?
Seems like a d!ck move to me.
Are your brother and mine long lost brothers? This sounds all too familiar.
But I would've just let A figure it out. All she had to do was drive by the house and see S's car there. If she had called and asked me if it was A's car, I would've confirmed but that is it.
Things will always play themselves out in the end.
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Here is the thing: she lives a good 60 miles from here. So she isn't in the neck of the woods often enough. If she was very local to him, she'd probably have found out herself earlier on what was what.
A does not see bro that often. Since August he has been putting her off with "I still feel bad about the dog...so I need time alone." Hot sh!t. She buys this hook line and sinker. (and meanwhile he is up to his tricks; he pulled this same kind of fastball on somebody else a long time ago -- as you see he has a pattern.)
He is not a kid. This is a full grown man who should know better than this -- he's got more than a few decades under his belt.
You know what, she's a full-grown woman too. She should also know better than this, but for some reason it's "poor her, my brother is completely at fault for treating her this way!"
You said yourself she knows what's going on, that he's still seeing this other woman. It's not your brother's fault she's choosing to turn a blind eye to his shenanigans. Unless you neglected to mention in that TL;DR that she's clinically retarded and has the reasoning ability of a second grader, she is just as much to blame as he is. Hell, she's more to blame since she knows what's happening and chooses to do nothing about it and chooses to stay with him. Why on earth would he stop behaving this way when it gets him what he wants -- two pieces of ass?
I know this might be a hard concept for you to understand, but sometimes it's not all the man's fault. She doesn't want to DTMFA. That's on her, not him.
An update:
I called A. yesterday to ask her toplease return the several boxed sets of DVDs that she borrowed from me in early fall; she also owes me about $20 and I'd really like to see that money returned.
She did NOT call me back. And I know she is up and about on FB, too.
So I guess it's fook the messenger, too...ha. Ya can at least call me and say "yes, the tapes will be given back; give me a couple of days" or if she lost them or damaged them, she needs to replace them.
This ain't right. She needs to return those tapes.
There is a great great deal more to this than 2 women in the picture. Lots of highly personal stuff that's girl talk beween A. and myself.
And other shenanegans that he is partaking in (he cosigned 3 car loans for S. -- she makes a great deal more money than he does and has had that job for the last 6 years; why in tarnation does she need another car loan???? Get yourself a fucken beater, pay for it out of your pocket and ride around IN THAT! you work about 3 miles down the block from your home; a bus will drop you off at the school you teach at...)
When she saw the photo, she could have confronted bro herself! she had the evidence; she was too ch!ckensh!t to do it.
The only thing in this entire thread that concerns you is the DVD boxed set and the $20 you're owed.
You really need a life, Tarpon. You are fast approaching the deep end.
Exactly. Congratulations on acting like a petulant little child OP.