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corporate to housewife...
I have been married for 2 years and am 25 years old. I have been working throughout our 10 year relationship and have always been motivated to have a career.
I recently lost my job and have been doing the stay-at-home wife thing (no kids). I have really been loving it. I have been keeping the house up, making dinners esc...
My question is; am I to young to be happy staying at home? Money is not an issue and I feel like all of my desires to succeed in business have been shifted to make the most successful marriage.
I feel like this is not how I should be thinking at 25... but I cant help it. It always appears, to me at least, that most women are not happy with this in the long run. From those who have been there before, should I push myself and get back into a career? In a world where women are expected to do it all, is it faux pa to want to stay at home?
Thanks!
Re: corporate to housewife...
I don't necessarily think it's wrong. You say money isn't an issue, and that's good. But, the other side is you could be working and building a nest egg for yourselves.
Also, the job loss was recent. The luxury of staying home could wear off.
Ultimately though, if you and your husband are on board, I don't see a problem.
I guess that depends on where in the socioeconomic world you fall. There are LOTS of women married to rich husbands who have no intention of ever having a career and are perfectly happy to serve on charity boards, raise kids (or hire help to raise their kids), etc. That's a sector of society. They attend colleges known as "finishing schools" and "get their MRS. degree".
Most people who grow up middle-class or lower-class don't have much world view that involves those people. That doesn't make them bad or wrong, it just doesn't seem at all related to the life most of us are living (where we have to have jobs and support ourselves).
Does it make you happy? If so, who cares?
Are you bored to death? If so, I'd start thinking of things to do that might involve volunteer work or might involve a job.
Is it pathetic and worthy of judgement? who cares? I think given the choice LOTS of people would love to stay home all day. It's just not feasible for most of us!
This info is about 50 years too late.:)
There are no more finishing schools. That went out with the cotillion and the debutante balls.
Not necessarily. I've not heard of finishing schools, but I can tell you that we more than certainly have debs in our area. it's not the big deal it used to be, but those with money enough put their girls through a debutant program. I've seen them at operas and ballets before. Had a few friends in high school who were debs.
I think choosing not to work outside the home when you are young, able-bodied, and have no children is incredibly stupid. You have no idea what the future will bring- your husband could lose his job, one of you could get injured or become seriously ill, one of you could die, or you could get divorced. You might not have any trouble paying your monthly bills, but what about an emergency fund and retirement savings? If you don't need the added income to support your current lifestyle, you could use the money to pay off your mortgage early, do home improvement projects, or save a downpayment for your next home. If you plan to have children in the future, why wouldn't you work as much as possible now to save up money for their expenses- daycare, braces, piano lessons, college, etc?
I just don't see having an immaculate house all the time as a sufficient reason to put your long-term financial comfort and stability in doubt. And I find that as a woman, having a healthy work/life balance is very easy when you have a partner who does his fair share of the housework. Maybe working part-time would be a good solution for you? That way, you could save your income as a cushion and still have plenty of time to take care of your home.
I agree w/ renegade. I think you are very young and have an entire life ahead of you to explore and learn about yourself and your surroundings. I don't know how you can feel fulfilled deep down inside with keeping a tidy house all the time. I just don't understand.
To many people this is a matter of choice. Many people will have an opinion. Mine has nothing to do with what you want to do, or whether you are adjusting, or what your husband thinks. It's based more on financial issues.
I became an adult during the "Women's Lib" era, in the 1970's. Growing up I thought I'd be just like my mom, a housewife and mother, not work outside the home. But that didn't happen for me, so I worked. And continued to improve my skills, and get promoted and make more money. I had long term relationships, and 2 children when I was 31 and 39 years of age (failed birth control). I didn't get the "Prince Charming" moment until I married my husband in August 2011.
What I'm trying to say is we never get the life we planned for. Crap happens, both good and bad. However, as a "women's libber", I knew I could never depend on a man to do for me what I could do for myself. I never have, and still don't.
You are pretty young, so not sure you get the annual report from the Social Security Administration showing what you've made each year in your life. I get one, and I can see my income going up from about $4000 a year back in 1974 when I started working full time, until now. I can see what I made each year, and know what my monthly benefit will be when I retire. Your Social Security benefit, if it's around when you retire, is based on your highest 35 years of income. If your income goes up every year, it's a good thing. If you have no income, then your monthly benefit will be diluted by the lower earning years.
These are financial considerations, because as someone said, you could divorce, your husband could lose his job, one of you could become seriously ill and not be able to work.........a lot of bad stuff happens in life, in spite of the fact we don't want it to. Most people are only a few months away from foreclosure or bankruptcy due to poor saving habits. Your 20's are when you should be discovering your passion in a job and learning. If you don't want to work, go to school to learn better skills for a better job that you can keep, or fall back on if something should happen creating a situation where you have to work.
I won't pass judgment on you because I'm not the type. But I will say I don't see this as a wise use of your talent, youth, or time.
Sorry to sound like an old lady, but I am
Well, if you say so then it must be true.
Except that it's not.
i have always been fascinated with the feminist movement of the late 60's and early 70's, but i think you're carrying over one of its failings...the idea that women are only as good as men if they are equal financially. women and men should be equal because of their intrinsic value as human beings, not because women are "worth" as much as men. keeping women in jobs they don't want for the sake of keeping them professionally competitive with men is, IMO, just as oppressive.
While you may be happy for a little while I look at it like this: I didn't go to college, work my @$$ off for 4 years and land my dream job so I could eventually be a SAHW/M and do duties for my H. I look at it as chores will get done despite us both working, dinner will be cooked, time will be spent together, and we will be happy without my having to become a housewife. H can have career and I can have mine and we can BOTH be happy in what we've accomplished. I won't have regrets or wonder what could have been. I went through a period between undergrad and my current job where I was a "housewife" and I hated every second of feeling like I had to rely on someone else.
As a PP mentioned, I did not enter this world to serve a man and I view myself as equal in our relationship--not because of my paychecks but because of my happiness and my independence. Yes, I am happily married yet independent. I refuse to allow someone else to support me simply because they can or we can afford it. A man has 2 hands and can contribute just as much to the daily duties of being a "housewife" as a woman can and I will not allow gender be a way for him to get out of those tasks.
Sweetheart, NO!
You are NOT too young. You see, the sad thing is this--it isn't really true that women regret staying home in the long run. If a woman finds that staying home does not work for her in the long run (unless she is the selfish snobby type who loathes homemakers as being "stupid" or "unliberated"), she often looks back at the time she stayed home as being GOOD, for the time, but could not last.
And--while it is less common with our generation (I'm 28, so we are kind of in the same boat!), far less common in fact, ladies of older generations often view staying at home as neither a luxury nor a burden but a blessing. My mother in law always says how when she had to return to work when my hubby was 4, how she cried and cried for days and days. Fortunately she's very good about housekeeping and has taught me much in diligence and persistence in homemaking, but she says she wishes she could have stayed home.
I spent quite a while as a stay at home fiance/wife before getting a job at a maid service company. My hours are better now but I still come home exhausted and drained and wishing I could have been cleaning my OWN home, in the clothes I prefer, without anxieties about nasty coworkers or vindictive customers. Every day I wish I were able to stay at home again.
My advice is this, dear: Savour it! Try new recipes. Decorate your home with warmth and joy. Bring home cut flowers and place them in a vase. Enjoy it and make your house an abode of warmth, happiness, love, and comfort. If the job market improves and you can find work, that is fine. But if not, and as long as you have some savings, and/or as long as your husband has steady employment, enjoy this time and make it count.
Above all: you can find another job, in the long run. The economy will, eventually, improve. But your marriage is unique, in all the world. Whatsoever strengthens it and builds it up will last far, far longer than most jobs.
Hope I have been able to be a blessing.