Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Am I being difficult?
As you may or may not know, we are moving sometime in April. We are extremely excited and just waiting on BIL & his family to move out so we can move in. MIL is also excited for whatever reason. Which is fine. She had offered H and I a set of dressers she received from a client, stating she has too many dressers (fact). I have not formally accepted them because I have no idea what they look like/how big they are. She has also been mentioning to me for awhile about some area rugs another client gave her that she just knows we will need because of the hardwood floors in the new place. She showed me a similar carpet and I don't like it. At all. So I have not accepted them or declined, just left that one alone.
Yesterday when she came to watch the kiddo, she asked how we were going to move everything. I mentioned a few ideas I had and then she started going on about how "we" could do this and "we" could do that", that she had a dolly and conveniently slipped in "oh and we have to get the dressers from my house too, my neighbors can help with their truck". I didn't say anything because i didn't know if H had told her we would take them or something, I just deflected and went to work.
I asked him this morning over text and he said that he did commit to one dresser. So after an initial annoyance, I asked him if it's ok of me to ask to see them before committing to both. I told him I just didn't want to be pressured to take stuff. This has happened in the past with MIL. It's not that I'm at all ungrateful, she's just so aggressive and I'm more of a doormat, admittedly.
Also, I don't want to be stuck with the fallout of when I go to get rid of the stuff that she gives us. One of her clients gave us a new mattress and box spring so I made plans to sell our old set. Little did I know, MIL appeared to feel entitled to our old set (which I purchased before I ever even met H) and promised it to a friend before ever asking me. She was none too pleased when I said I was selling it. I can only imagine how she would act about something that she gave us.
I also found out (SIL told me) recently that after I got rid of something she had purchased for the kiddo when he was a baby (read: he didn't use it any longer), he was playing at his cousin's house where they had one of the same and she told him "you used to have one of those but Mommy got rid of it".That is so not ok.
I just.....I want stuff that I like. I know we can't afford all brand new stuff, but I also don't want to take stuff just because it's available. Not to mention, the kiddo already has a dresser, which my parents bought him. That's a whole other can of worms. My mom is going to be a little put off if we get rid of it to use something that came from MIL. I can't win between those two.Grandma games.
Am I being difficult by wanting to check the furniture out first? For wanting to choose my own things? It's not like we're moving from a studio to a mansion. The square footage is not that much bigger, the layout is just way better. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.
I think a lot of it is her amount of involvement in all of this. "WE" are not moving, H and I and our son are moving. Does that make sense?
Grr.
Re: Am I being difficult?
TTC since June 2012
I would be the same way! I would want to see them too. It's not like it's something small that you can hide away in a closet, other than when she visits, haha. I'm kinda picky about the furniture in my house and who knows what you'd be getting.
Is your H (or you) okay with telling her no if you don't like any of them? Or will that made her be more difficult?
TTC since March 2012
BFP 3/14/13!!!
U/S 4/15: Identical twins!
Lost my angel boys at 10.5 weeks
My Chart***My TTC blog
He will ultimately leave it up to me, I'm pretty sure. He probably thinks I'm being silly because, hey, free dressers, but I am not in that camp obviously. Although it seems he definitely wants the one that he agreed to, so that's fine, I'll take it. He's made more than his fair share of concessions for me. I'll admit I can be a bit vocal about what I like and don't like for our home.
I'm sure she would somehow be insulted if we don't take them and I'm sure would find some way to make comment of it.
MIL and FIL helped us move one time and it was annoying as hell. I had to hide anything I wanted to bring to the dumpster so MIL didn't 'rescue' it.
I think you're fine. Don't take anything you don't want.
I definitely say you're allowed to want what you want. Don't feel bad about telling her you want to check them out first. Definitely don't take what you don't want. There are some cute ideas on Pinterest for things to do with old dressers, though. So maybe if you don't use it as a dresser you could re-purpose it... ?
DH has a dresser that his great uncle made. It's cedar or something and the wood smells sour. I can't stand the smell. It's empty right now and in a spare room, but anything that was in it in the old townhouse smells like that sour wood smell. He wanted to use it for the nursery. I quickly put an end to that one. So gross. No way my baby clothes were going in there. But... it means a lot to him, so at least it's still around.