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getting a child to initiate words
Dena's post reminded me that I've been meaning to ask... it's been a while, and we never experienced this with my daughter, so I'm not quite sure how to proceed. But Ben is 20 months, and while he can say many different words, he really only does so if prompted. Like we'll say "Say 'up" and he'll repeat it.
Rarely does he use words on his own. He can say a bunch of them (even "clean up" and "bless you" which cracks me up) but for the most part, he still points and uses babble. He totally gets everything we ask of him, so I know it isn't an understanding barrier. I know he's supposed to be using 2 words by this stage - "Mama, up" or " more cup" etc. That isn't happening at all.
We try to make him use his words, like when he wants picked up, we say "say 'up' " to him. We only pick him up once he says it. But he still doesn't initiate on his own. Cori was a chatterbox and we never had any issues.
Any ideas on how we can get him to talk more? I know I can call my ped too, but as much as I love them, they are ususally pretty laid back and take the stance that he'll come around. I'm just not a patient person. TIA!
Re: getting a child to initiate words
so this is more anecdotal than anything but I used to babysit two boys who were just a couple years apart in age. The older was a huge talker, and his brother was also quite late to using his words. either his brother talked for him, or he would use other means to communicate what he wanted. I think part of it was just a personality difference between the two boys. The younger did eventually come around and basically just started talking in sentences!
When EJ was little and grunting for something I would remind her to use her words. Mostly just because I hated being grunted at when I knew she had the vocabulary.
I agree with Amanda (just from seeing my own kids) that sometimes it seems as though the younger one talks later. Noah talked for Brody a lot. I would also remind him if he was pointing or whatever, to "use your words". A lot of it, too, is personality. Noah started talking before he was a year old, and he hasn't shut up since! Other kids just don't talk as much, which isn't bad. Our old babysitter's son just didn't talk. They were really worried about him going to kindy. (He could and understood, he just choose not to talk much). He still doesn't talk much, but he did change a bit in class when it was needed.
I guess at this point, I wouldn't worry too much about it. He's still little.
Liam has always been slower at doing things than Jake was with all of the major milestones so far but he always seems to catch up, just as I'm starting to worry! Liam has a lot of words, but as it seems is the case for many kids this age, he falls back on pointing and grunting a lot, so we do the same thing and remind him to use the words.
If it continues and you're worried about it, you can always have him evaluated (which we did when he was 10/11 months old and showing no signs of movement at all, no crawling, barely rolling, no walking) He didn't end up qualifying for services (and of course, started to crawl just after the evaluation), but it did help for my own peace of mind.
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
Garrett is in speech therapy, so I can share some things that we've learned!
Garrett was a professional babbler. He had a handful of words he used, but a lot of them he would say once, and then not use them regularly. He was really good at saying two-three word phrases (where is it, all done, I get it, etc.), but didn't seem to be using a lot of single words (dog, ball - words we say all of the time). He seemed to have an easier time saying something that was sing-songy, than a single word. He also understood everything we said, and could follow instruction, so I knew the words were there, he just wasn't using them.
Mason was really advanced in his language skills at that age, so I couldn't tell if it was just Garrett's pace of development, or if it was something to be concerned with. Our pediatrician wasn't overly concerned, but suggested he be evaluated by Early Intervention (our program is just in Allegheny County).
At his evaluation, I learned a few helpful things. Garrett scored above his age in all areas but expressive speech. They said that for kids who have higher cognitive/motor skills/etc. it is not uncommon for them to have lower expressive speech since they do not need to rely on it as much. This made sense for us since Garrett was always pretty independent, doing things for himself, good at showing us what he needed w/out words, etc. So it was helpful for us to be more aware of this, and even if Garrett was insistent on doing things himself, to walk him through what he was doing with words.
The second thing was being the 2nd child and not needing to rely on words as much because of an older sibling. They brought up that it's not always the older sibling doing the talking for the younger, but sometimes situations where we might take Mason's lead to then do something for Garrett. For ex. if Mason asks for a drink or snack, we usually get both Mason and Garrett a drink and snack, etc. So this was also something that was helpful for us to be aware of, because I know it was probably something we did more than we noticed.
Since he scored below for expressive language, he did qualify for services, but since he was just below, we could have gone either way. It was great for my peace of mind, because at that point, I didn't think that Garrett REALLY needed it, but did feel he could still use some help, so I didn't see any benefit in the wait and see approach. We have been doing therapy 2x a month since December. We have really noticed a difference - but even with the improvements, he also still relies on his babble talk - so I am glad that we decided to do it.
As for encouraging words,
-When you're talking to them, try to be at their eye level and use exaggerated facial expressions to enunciate the words your using. This is really to encourage them to model your language. We don't do this anymore, because I feel Garrett already does that. (but it is funny when he sometimes says words while using facial expressions.)
- Try to avoid saying "Say cup" and just say "cup". (Which I will add, is really difficult to not say!)
- Before giving them the item that they want,hold it up to your face, so they see the item while they are looking at you say it. (Ex. when I give Garrett a drink, I will hold the cup by my face and say "Cup? Do you want your cup of milk?" things like that.) It was also recommended to print pictures out to encourage them to use words/tell you want they want. Ex. using a picture of a banana, so they are not too distracted/excited by a real banana to say the word. (I will admit we haven't really done this part.)
- Before giving them something/doing something for them, you want to delay giving it to them for just a moment to encourage them to use their words. Try not to hold it from them until they say it or become frustrated.
- Associating words/pictures. We have been using a lot of those "first words" books.
- Being repetitive with words during play. Ex. We'll be playing cars, so I'll keep saying "Ready, set, go!" as I push a car to encourage him to say the same. Things like that.
Also, when doing these things, try to focus on things that motivate Ben. Whether it be food (which is Garrett, no surprise there), certain toys, etc.
Sorry that got so long - although I'm sure there's more, but that's what I'm remembering right now. Feel free to email me with any questions!
We did have a proud moment at dinner last night when he used a new phrase. He burped really loudly, started laughing, and said "Mew Me!" (excuse me) So I guess at least he has manners! haha!
I feel like Claire's a little behind in her speech, but she's been ahead in other areas so she probably just needs to catch up (which can be typical with kids, if they are ahead in some areas, other areas can lag). I have a mental note to say something to the pedi when we go to her 2 year appointment next month, but I've noticed she's been saying a LOT more the past week or 2, so I think it's working itself out.
I will also say that DH's younger sister didn't talk as much as he did when they were young because DH would speak for her. Since she didn't HAVE to talk, she wouldn't. Not sure if Cori speaks for Ben ever, but that could be something.
My nephew's speech therapist told may sister to do something similar to Amanda. When he wanted something, we had to tell him to use his words and until he did, we didn't respond if it was something we knew he could say.
I will add that my brother didn't talk much at all when he was a toddler because my sister (who is 2 year older) used to talk for him all the time.
Thank you all so much (esp Meghan for the detailed stuff - I'll probably be emailing you). We do tell him to use his words, and try not to give him what he wants until he says the word, but often it is very frustrating to us because he won't say it and then if we do not give it to him, he freaks. This happens a few times and then we finally give it to him because we are short on time & patience.
We've thought of getting him evaluated and school recommended it as Ben wasn't talking at all there for a while, but we've kind of had a wait and see approach thus far. It's hard to know when to worry and when to take action.
This is why our therapist recommended the 'delay' approach, because the other way would never have worked for Garrett. Just delay or pause before giving them want they want, but don't keep it from them until they say the word if it's going to result in a meltdown. Stuff like that is going to vary from child to child. As with anything, if the result is frustration for the child and parent, then it is not going to be effective.
Being in that stage of do I worry or not? is the worst! We went through the same thing with Garrett when he had torticollis as a newborn. I told myself I was just being cray cray newborn mom, but I'm glad I listened to my instincts then, so the decision to move forward with speech was much easier this time. If you keep questioning it, an evaluation might be helpful even just for a few tips that would work for Ben or for peace of mind.