Married Life
MsPiggy37
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Puppy love?
in Married Life
I'm feeling a little guilty lately because hubby keeps asking for a puppy and I really don't want one. I have never been a dog person and besides not actually wanting one I really would not like the added responsibilities such as feeding, grooming, vaccinations, and figuring out babysitters when we want to stay a weekend outside of the house. If he would be willing to say hell take care of it 100% maybe I would be more willing, but he says it will have to be 80-20 for it to work. That there is no way I won't have any responsibility with a dog that lives with us. What does everyone think? His bday is in August and I think he will expect a puppy by then. Am I an evil wife? Should I just say yes to the idea? We don't have kids but will start trying in a couple of years. I'm afraid if bringing babies into a family with a dog!
Re: Puppy love?
While I too think it's odd when someone doesn't like animals, I don't think you should get a dog. They are lifetime commitments and having one person in the family not want it, isn't going to fair well for the dog later on. You will just grow to resent it and taking care of it. This is how pets end up at shelters. You are already worried how it will be with kids.
Another option is check with your local rescues. Many of them have foster programs, where you can help a dog but on a temporary basis while they wait for their forever home. This way your DH could get his dog fix and you get the temporary dog that you do't really want. It's a great way to help and if you do find the perfect dog that you actually fall in love with, you can adopt it.
Growing up I lived with cats and a dog. We got her free from the grocery store.
When I lived on my own I knew I needed a companion and was tossing around the idea of a cat or a small dog. I got a cat because my work schedule was so erratic and I would go off for impromptu weekends away.
Then my husband came along. He got the package deal of me and a cat. He's wanted a dog for the past 5 years and I keep nixing it because we live in a one bed room apartment with no yard and a cat that rules the roost.
We've compromised that once we have a yard then we can discuss being a dog owner but not before then. Not to mention I have the concern that the cat would terrorize the poor thing to death. (She's intimidated a full size poodle and a beagle that have come visiting in the past.)
I've been trying to talk my husband into getting a small dog to go traveling with him while he works. He drives a big rig and is gone a few weeks at a time. Interestingly enough, he doesn't seem keen on the idea now.
Ultimately, if as a couple you can't agree to be good pet owners then the answer should be no. Have you two considered a different type of pet instead?
This is going to sound harsh, but if it were me I wouldn't have married you. I know nondog people don't get it, and we all may seem crazy to you, but for dog people, we just can't imagine not having a dog in our lives. I respect that you aren't one, but I hope your H knew that all along.
Regarding the foster dogs, I admire those who do that, but I do have some things for you to think about. What if your husband gets attached? This is why I couldn't do it. He may want to keep the foster, or get upset when it leaves. Also, sometimes shelter dogs have behavioral issues because of past abuse or abandonment. Just something to keep in mind.
It is also unreasonable to expect him to do 100 percent of the work. So what happens if he needs to go somewhere and you are home alone? Are you just going to ignore it? Not feed it? A dog is a part of the family. If you can't feel that way, then you shouldn't get one.
A pet is a lifetime commitment, if one person is not on board then you don't get a pet. You like animals so maybe now just isn't the right time. What happens if there is a large medical expense? The person that didn't want the pet is going to have a different set of expectations. Or the person who agrees to be primary gets sick, travels for work, etc. Also, when you have kids will you SAH? Then you'd be primary during the day. Just don't do it.
Dogs and kids are not the same things, thats just ridiculous. If OP heart is not in it then no matter how wonderful a dog it just isn't going to work. Same for parents, if one didn't really want to be a parent then it is going to be a horrible and resentful situation. Don't say yes until you are ready for the responsibility, saying yes and not really meaning it is a recipe for disaster.
Can you pet sit? Just a thought but when we were first married it cured DH from wanting a dog. I love dogs but didn't want the lifestyle that goes with a dog. DH didn't realize how much work his mom put in with their family dog until that week. We adopted 2 cats, both have since past away and we adopted another one 2 months ago.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
I agree with PP's who say that you should not get a pet unless both of you are on board. However, please consider reevaluating your position and agreeing to get a dog, at some point. Doesn't have to be right now. Maybe you guys could wait a few years, have kids first, and then adopt a dog as a family. That way, the kids would be old enough to take on some of the responsibility, and it would be good for them to have the experience of owning a pet.
Look, I know where you are coming from, even though I have the reverse situation. When DH and I got married and moved in together, I brought my cat along. DH is not a cat person and he hates that we have a cat, but I was not willing to give my cat away (and DH would never realistically ask me to). So for now, we have a cat. SOmetimes I think that if I'd known, from the start how incompatible my DH and I would be on this one issue, I might not have become seriously involved with him in the first place. But we're married now, and we have a great relationship otherwise, so for now we just have to find away to work around this issue as best we can.
When this cat eventually dies (she's already 9 years old), we're going to have a problem because I'll eventually want another cat, and DH never will. I figure that when my cat passes on, I'll wait several years and give the whole situation some time, so that DH can have a break from cats--but I wouldn't be willing to say that I'll never have a cat again, ever, for the rest of my life. We're just going to have to play it by ear, and figure that in all the years that we'll be married, we'll be cat owners for some part of that time. And for the rest of the time, we won't.
So again, maybe you guys aren't ready right now, as a couple, to get a dog--but please consider it for someday. You may not ever be completely in love with the idea, but you may be able to deal with it, especially when you see how happy the dog makes your husband and kids. Also, kudos to you for saying you'd rescue a dog! I like the idea of rescuing an older dog (I've always thought about rescuing an older cat down the road). ANd of course, as I'm sure you already know, realize that if and when you do get any pet, it's a commitment for the rest of that pet's life, however long that may be.
Popping over from the Pets board - I agree with all of this. It is totally fine to not want to own a dog (or a cat, or a hamster, or whatever), and it's important to understand that if you get a dog, everyone in the household needs to and will be involved with the dog (feeding, training, exercising, bathing, vet care, etc.) because everyone needs to have a relationship with the dog in order for it to work. For example, if you don't help train the dog, it may not listen to you, which may cause unwanted behaviors.
DH and I have 2 dogs that we completely adore (both pugs, ages 5 and 6). I cannot imagine life without them. They are super-low maintenance compared to most dogs, but they still require a lot of time and energy (going out 4x a day including a long walk, feeding 2x a day, regular bathing and grooming, annual vet visits, boarding when we are out of town, etc.). I don't mind doing any of this because to me, they are 100% worth it. However, if I had never wanted the dogs and had only gotten them because DH insisted, I would probably feel differently. Make sure you're both on the same page, and until then, YH can volunteer at a shelter, dog-site every now and then, or something like that. GL!
WTF?
I am in shock at these responses. People don't trust people that don't want to be pet owners like it's something wrong with them? I've never heard that in my life? Not every family has a pet.
MH and I are not pet people and yet we are trying to have a baby. Some poster stated that having a baby is 100% more work than a baby. Of course it is. OP didn't say that she COULDN'T take car of a pet, she said she didn't WANT to take care of one. Not wanting a pet doesn't mean that you can't be a good mother. That comparision is ridiculous.
My best friend was raised with pets and she just got a dog for her daughter and I play with her dog when visiting her but I don't want one. One can respect animals and not own one. I would be a horrible pet owner and the animal deserves an owner that loves and wants them.
OP- I'm sorry that I don't have much advice because I feel like you and don't want a pet. It would be unfair to get a pet and then you want to get rid of it if you have a baby and it's also unfair for YH to demand you take responsibility for a pet that you don't want. You guys need to really talk about this some more. GL!
TTC since September 2012
I really would not like the added responsibilities such as feeding, grooming, vaccinations, and figuring out babysitters when we want to stay a weekend outside of the house.
Nurse Robinson- According to the above, the OP doesn't want these resposibilities....when you pop out a kid, you have to feed it, bathe it, take it to the docs for shots/healthcare, get a babysitter...if she's not willing to do it for a dog, then why the F*** would she do it for her baby???
You get a "WTF?", too.
I personally am a dog person. I love my dog as if she were a human being. She is part of my family and she means so very much to me. Thankfully, my H feels the same way. We already know that we will always have a dog in our house.
With that being said, not everyone is a dog person. My best friend doesn't like dogs. She is an awesome friend, and she is an AMAZING mother to her son. The fact that OP doesn't want to get a dog and take on the extra responsibilities associated with being a dog-owner does not mean she's a bad person or that she'd be a bad mother. In fact, the fact that she is even posting this shows that she cares about her husband's feelings and feels guilty that her lack of desire to own a dog conflicts with his strong desire to own one.
OP is a lot nicer than me. I hate cats and if my H wanted a cat I'd firmly say no and wouldn't give it another thought.
Because she wants a child, she does not want a dog. If she wanted a child but her husband was not ready everyone would be telling her that his lack of readiness trumps her desire. No where does she say she hates dogs, she just doesn't want one. If more people were honest with themselves and didn't get that cute puppy/dog then they wouldn't be dropping them off at shelters months later.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Are you kidding me? I don't want to feed a dog, bathe it, take it to the doc for shots, get a babysitter either and that has nothing to do with the ability to be a good mother to a child.
You can't be serious.
TTC since September 2012
Lol
TTC since September 2012
Whoa! If you don't want a dog, 100%, then don't get a dog.
Just because you don't want a dog, doesn't mean you shouldn't have children. Gez people - there IS a DIFFERENCE!
For instance - when you go away for a weekend, you can take your child much easier than a dog. When taking a dog, you have to find dog friendly places. Which isn't the only issue - say you want to go to dinner, go out somewhere, do SOMETHING while out of town or on vacation - then your dog stays at the hotel? In a crate? Or should you board your dog, instead?
Dogs are a LOT of work. I love mine. But they are not the same thing as children. Next time you fly, try to buy a seat for your dog. See if they'll let him sit up there next to you. Ohhhh righttt...they won't. Because its a DOG! Not a CHILD!
LOL!
DO NOT buy a dog from a petshop. They come from puppy mills and backyard breeders and the dogs are inbred. DOn't buy, adopt.
DO NOT pick out a puppy and hand it to him as a gift --- go to a shelter and see what kind of dogs they've got that are suitable for your lifestyle.
Puppies are a lot of work. They need somebody with them all day. If the both of you work, do not get a puppy.
There are tons of adult dogs that need great homes -- so do senior citizen dogs.:)
We recently got a puppy and she is a TON of work. And also super destructive (but she's so cute we just love her anyway). Puppies are a lot of work and if you don't want one then get him an even better birthday gift (that doesn't chew everything!).
My two cents.
I agree with this completely. DH and I knew as soon as we started dating that we wanted to get a puppy, but we waited until about a month and a half after we got married. It was something we both really wanted, so that was not an issue for us.
Having a puppy is A LOT of work. Ours is a 9-month old Golden Retriever and we love him more than anything, but things are very different from before when it was just the two of us. More expenses, not staying out of the house too long, etc. We were prepared for it, though.
I honestly don't see how someone can dislike animals... they are so loving and bring so much joy into your life, but if you really don't want an animal in your household, don't get one. I'm assuming your husband knew how you felt about animals before he married you... if he didn't, I feel for him. I dated someone a long time ago that didn't like animals, and I knew that if I spent the rest of my life with him, I would never be able to have a dog. That broke my heart.