difficult situation regarding an old friend...

Ginabean42712

I could use some advice on what to do. 

I was really good friends with this girl since freshman year of hs (we are now 30).  We stayed close while away at college, and remained good friends up until about two years ago.  She was having trouble finding a teaching job so she decided to go to South Korea for a year to teach english as a second language.  Well the year she was there, she met a guy, got engaged, never told me and came home a completely different person.  She kept trying to start fights with me over stupid things.  A few months later I even ended up finding out on facebook that she got married at her town's court house.  This turned into another fight beween us, and when i got engaged a few weeks later she said some extremely hurtful things to me and we ended up ending our friendship.  Havent had any contact in over two years.

Fast forward to last week, I went on my town's local website, as I always do to read the latest news, and came across an article that said her mother's body was found dead under a waterfull in Pa. and that her death was considered suspicious  (We live in NJ).  My heart sank.  I knew her mother very well and was so devisated to hear this awful news.  
So my question is, when they have her wake, do you think it's appropriate for me to show up?  In my heart I can never forgive or forget the things she said to me that ultimately ended our friendship, however I just can't get past the fact that we were once great friends, and I knew her mother very well.  I can't even imagine the amount of pain she is going through right now, and don't want to upset her or her family if I show up.  
Could you give me some advise of what you would do in my situation? TIA

MLE2010

I would send a floral arrangement and nothing else. Death is a tragic event usually but this seems to be more so. It can bring out the worst in people trying to do the best. Flowers are a wonderful way to show respect. You aren't close to her anymore so f

Kimbus22

I would send a note of condolence letting her know I was sorry for her loss but I wouldn't show up at the wake. 

EastCoastBride

I agree w/ the others.  As it often said, wakes/funerals are for the living.  And as such, for you to show up, you could really upset your friend when she's already really upset.  Don't do that to her. 

You can remember her m

TarponMonoxide

That story is making big news by us. Sorry for your troubles.:(

If they are Catholic, get a Mass card. A floral arrangement sounds good, too.

Sue-n-Kevin

I am sorry to hear about this tragic situation. Terribly sad.

I have experienced what you are going through. I had a VERY best friend from HS who for reasons still unknown, stopped being my best friend. Each of us had brothers die 2 years apar

Greco1014

I just did a little bit of research...seems like your friend's mom lived just one town over from me. Holy cow...what a sad situation...

This is a tough decision to make, but my first thought was that you should go to the wake. My guess is whateve

FaithCaitlin

I'd go. You aren't going for her.. you're there to pay your respects to her mother whom you admired. If something good comes from attending, great. If not, well, you did what you were there to do. Sorry to hear about all the mess with her though!

doglove

You've gotten some good advice. I wanted to suggest taking the death details out of your OP because it's easy to find this story in the news and determine the mother's name. Keep this personal information private.