Trouble in Paradise
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Fiance broke of engagement

My fiance and I have been planning our wedding for about a month now. And it has been very stressful. He is deployed here in DC from florida. In July, once his deployment was up, he was moving here to DC. He has a large family, great friends, and his whole unit that he has been with for 9 years all in Florida. Up until this point, he was sad about having to leave them but told me that he was 100% sure that what he wanted to do was be with me, here. I cannot move to FL because I have a six year old here that I share joint custody with her father. He would never let me take full custody, I could never leave her, and I wouldnt want her away from her father. Last night he told me that for the last two weeks he has been having major doubts about moving here and getting married. He has said in the past that marriage is not what's important to him, just being with me is. He said he really does love me, and he really doesnt want to lose me, he just feels like if he was here in DC he would not be happy. I told him that being with me should be what makes him happy...and we would be visiting his family several times a year. When he moves home typically after deployment, he says hes there for two weeks before he cant wait to leave again. There are no jobs... and the family that he misses so much, drives him crazy. Well apparently now, that's where he wants to be. He said that he wants a few days to think about it but most likely his feelings aren't going to change and maybe hes just not ready. I told him that a few days wouldn't change anything, and how would i know if he decides he DOES want to be with me that he isn't going to just change his mind again. Could I please get some constructive feedback? Its a very high likelihood that he will come back in the next few days wanting to be with me. if that is the case, what parameters should I set up to try and make it work. I recognize that giving up his family, his friends, and his unit, not to mention moving to another state, and changing his career is extremely stressful on top of getting married... so I dont know maybe if this is a normal reaction that I dont know how to deal with.

Re: Fiance broke of engagement

  • I'm sorry this is happening, but I think you're stuck in a "unstoppable force meets inanimate object" scenario.

    You can't leave the DC area.  He doesn't want to be in the DC area.  You cannot choose him and

  • Essentially thats what I did. I wasnt mean... just resolved. I want him to be happy. I recognize that neither one of us want a relationship where there is resentment, or the other is miserable just for the sake of being together. But what i wonder, is the
  • imagekaitiemcgehee:
    Essentially thats what I did. I wasnt mean... just resolved. I want him to be happy. I recognize that neither one o
  • imageneverblushed:

    imagekaitiemcgehee
  • I would just accept that the relationship is likely over.  That's ok.  It is sad but it happens. 

  • Everyone thank you for your support and sold "girl talk" answers. This is one of the most difficult situations ive ever tried to navigate. I appreciate you not bashing me like I'm a dumb woman who can see what's right in front of her face. Because I
  • Sometimes 2 peoplewho love each other just cant make it work. Thats what this sounds like.

    Honestly even if he came back now knowing what you do...would you ever feel 100% secure in the relationship? I'd be wating for him to change his mind agai



  • imagekaitiemcgehee:
    Everyone thank you for your support and sold "girl talk" answers. This is one of the most difficult situations ive e
  • I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.This means there is something bigger and better for you. It's better that he is realizing this now and not after you get married and he moves to DC to only be miserable. There is always a possibli
  • I'm so sorry you're going through this.  Having had to break off an engagement once myself, I know how devastating it is.  You plan a life together and get into that mental space and then all of a sudden there's this huge change in plans

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