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Constant Guilt Trip from In-Laws about Quality Time
Generally, I love my in-laws. They are kind, wonderful people who have, for the most part, adopted me in to their family. All of my husband's immediate family live within 45 minutes of each other, so it's pretty easy to have family gatherings. Unfortunately, this close proximity has become a bit of an issue. His parents are CONSTANTLY "adjusting" plans that we make or trying to plan something at the very last minute- thinking it's not a big deal since we all live so close. I've been pretty flexible so far (even though that is totally not in my nature, ha) but it is really starting to get to me.
Several times, my MIL has texted my husband early on Friday morning to see if we can do something that night- and if we say that won't work for us, we get a major guilt trip about not spending enough time with them. This guilt snowballs on itself, because the next week the same thing will happen. They will ask (last minute) for us to come over, but we already have plans. And every time we try to initiate plans in advance, we get "let me check my schedule and let you know," and then we don't hear back until right before we'd set aside time to hang out (and usually, it's a "sorry, can't make it this time").
I've ask my husband to talk to them, and let them know that that whole "flying by the seat of your pants" thing doesn't really work for us, but, he's a pretty laid back guy and that kind of thing doesn't really bother him.
To make matters worse, whenever we are able to make plans that work, my MIL always changes something at the last minute. This has been annoying, but not a huge issue- until this week. We are going to the lake with them for the weekend, and while I was away at a conference, they decided that we were going to leave Thursday night instead of Friday. It was a pretty big issue for me and ensued in my husband and I getting in a fight about bad communication, and now I'm going into this trip with some bad feelings.
So- my big question here is how do I make plans with my in-laws without feeling like I'm going crazy?!
Re: Constant Guilt Trip from In-Laws about Quality Time
So do you give into them when they guilt trip you? If so, they are just following your lead over the doormat over your back.
If you DONT give into their last minute requests, then all you need to do is ignore it.
And if you DH
Guilt is a self-inflicted feeling. They can lay it on real thick, but whether or not it affects you... well, that's your call.
You can't control their actions, their behaviors, how they choose to make plans. But you can choose
I pretty much want to "ditto" what ALL the PPs have said!
If you feel guilty, that's on YOU. They can't "make" you feel guilty. DH and I deal w this w/ his parents, and really - we refuse to feel guilty when we can't adjust our
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
My parents are excellent at this.
I don't play any more. If they want to see us, we need plans in advance and they need to be concrete.This is a classic "you teach people how to treat you," thing.
I sometimes have a less extreme version of this. My husband's parents live 15 minutes away from us. Until we were married 1 1/2 years ago and he moved in with me, my husband lived with his parents (aside from a 1 year period where