married..living apart.. what next?

misskvig

Ill try to do my best to shorten the story- Been together 10 years, married almost 3.  The last 2 years have been pretty crappy- we ve suffered 2 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy.  I felt alone thru it all and never felt he was there and supported me thru this all- he know i feel this way and aknowledges he wasnt there as he should have been.  I addressed going to counseling over a year ago and he didnt see it was necessary.  He is also an alcoholic and that causes a great deal of fighting amongst us.   Things got worse thru the last couple months and we both agreed it would be best to separate- he moved into his own place for the 1st time ever in his life (he is 33).  I don't know what i expected after we decided not to live together; but not how it is.  We don't talk nor see each other except to exchange mail and stuff.  I somehow thought it would help make things better for us- the space and time.  I feel more at peace not worry about his drinking and behavior bc its not in my face.  Im starting to sleep finally and get back to being me, just confused and dont know what to do now... 

tiffanysbride

Go to counseling, make calls on Monday and make an appointment. Let your DH know that you are beginning counseling and you need to know what if any steps he is going to take in order to save your marriage.

Being in separate homes is a good thing

misskvig

I know  Icannot change him and just recently learned that, so ive detached the best I can bc his addiction was making me sicker then him.  We continued to try because Ive always wanted a child and thought that after the loss if we could have a s

always4278

I think you should take the time right now to get yourself in a better place.  You stated that you're finally sleeping and getting back to being you and I think that's the best thing you can do right now.  Without having yourself more together i

Manther1222

always4278:

I think you should take the time right now to get yourself in a better place.  You stated that you're finally sle

TarponMonoxide

Did you and he get any type of counseling -- bereavement, in particular -- after the loss you both incurred?

Too bad you did not; it could have helped immensely.

Leave him because he is a drunk.

Alcoholism and any other addiction is a

magsugar13

Divorce

misskvig

no we did not, i could not do it alone and he was not willing to go with me i think id still like to go on my own, i feel like i have to bc im stuck in grief.  He's said he does not have a problem drinking- (he is a drug and alcohol counselor iron

tiffanysbride

misskvig:

no we did not, i could not do it alone and he was not willing to go with me i think id still like to go on my own, i

cinderin

I am going to give you advice as if you were me. 

get divorced.

the miscarriage lack of support is something that I think a couple can work through. After all, he was hurting too and and I think counseling and change could happen here

budsy123

Please my dear, get a divorce and seek counseling.

 Alcoholism for many is a death sentence, it will only get worse not better.  My father and just about every male in my family is an alcoholic or addict.  Sure he may be able to ma

TarponMonoxide

misskvig:

no we did not, i could not do it alone and he was not willing to go with me i think id still like to go on my own, i

JemmaWRX

I feel more at peace not worry about his drinking and behavior bc its not in my face.  Im starting to sleep finally and get back to being me

Enough said.  You are better off without him.  I'd suggest individual therapy and

misskvig

thank you all appreciate all the input