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Need help with a friend in a bad situation
Last year, a friend of mine moved across the country with a new boyfriend. She went because she was starting a new school, and her ex boyfriend had planned to move with her. I never met the new boyfriend before they left, since apparently he was afraid to meet me because my husband "is in law enforcement." She told me they had a plan - She would work part time while going to school, and he was going to get a part time job. I voiced my concerns, but she was moving primarily for school, so I hoped she knew what she was doing.
Well, I should have taken that whole "not wanting to meet my cop husband" deal as a sign that he was up to zero good. It didn't take long for the calls to start coming... He didn't get a job because of this or that. Once, his excuse was he couldn't speak Spanish, so no one would hire him. OOOOKKK dude. I felt bad for her, and so did her sister, mom and a few friends. We sent her a bit of money.
Then came the part where I found out that he was taking the money went sent for himself. He was taking all of her money, and they couldn't make rent. And what was he doing with the money? Going out and getting drunk.
And then, the worst part happened. After months of suspecting it was happening, but she denied it, and those 2,000 miles between us meant I just couldn't take a drive to check in on her, she finally told me. He's beating the hell out of her. He went to jail for it once, but she let him back in when he got out. One recent time, she hid from him and called me. He found her, and I was able to quickly convince her not to hang up. I heard it all. I called the cops twice last night. She told them she was fine.
I also know that she has since dropped out of school and not told her sister or mom. After one of the times he hit her, she needed reconstructive surgery on her jaw, and was given pain killers. I'm thinking she's developed a habit for those as well.
Tonight, he's drunk. She ran away, and I'm trying to convince her to go to a hotel and I'll pay for the room.
I need some advice here. What do I say? Do? I talk to her sister and the one friend frequently, and we're all trying to concoct a plan. I'm going to talk to her mother tomorrow.
Please don't tell me that she needs to figure this out on her own. I've been where she is, and I know that. I'm merely hoping for an idea, ANY idea, that would help bring her back home. At first, I was scared to lose a friend if I got her mad by telling her mom. Now, I would prefer to lose a friend, but her still be alive.
Re: Need help with a friend in a bad situation
I think your last line is what your heart is telling you to do. Go to her mom and sister - meet with them together if you can - tell them what has been going on. If it were me I'd drive across the country if I had to to pick her up and bring her home,
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I completely agree with Tofumonkey.
Sometimes in a situation like that, it gets hard to think straight and making huge, permanent decisions is frightening. Give her an option that's not as big a deal (going home for a visit) and hopefully b
While you say you have been in a similar situation, you may not fully understand what your friend is feeling. Abuse is not just about the physical torment, it is also emotional. Before you go to your friend I think you should call a DV hotline and get
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
If her mom is not convinced she needs help, maybe.
Abusive situations need people to slowly help the person recover. Beating is generally only accepted after self confidence and self are crushed by the abuser. Anger will not do anything. Thi