Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
He doesnt want to have sex anymore!!!
I don't know what to do or how to fix our relationship!!!. We've been together for almost 6 years and have a daughter that's almost 2. We used to have sex all the time and now maybe once or twice a month. For the last 2 or 3 years its been getting worse and worse and so is our relationship. Every time I ask him he makes some excuse, "oh I don't feel good" or "Im tired" ect... I know everyone would say "oh he must be cheating on you" but I swear theres no way he is. WE talk about everything else all the time but not really about "us" and our "problems" He doesn't act like he loves me even though he says he does. He doesn't like to cuddle with me and i cant even tell you the last time we kissed more than a peck. I always try and sit down with him or mention it when were laying in bed, and talk about "us" and all he has to say is "IDN" or "im sry" and then nothing ever changes. I just don't understand and its driving me NUTS!!! 
I want to be with him more than anything and he says the same but his actions speak differently. So what do you think could be going on in his head?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Re: He doesnt want to have sex anymore!!!
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussAs i said, it is likely this relationship is over.
Pity --- that there is a kid in the picture makes this whole situation all the more difficult.
Your relationship with him might be over but what is not over: the fact you are tied to him for the next 16 years or so, until your daughter reaches majority.
Do yourself a favor: cut bait and go. And find yourself a guy who thinks you're hotter than hell and who cannot keep his hands off you, along with telling you "I love you" and how much he appreciates you. And oh yeah, a guiy who loves to make out with you.:)
Wishing you success. Ending a relationship is never easy, even if the relationship is unofficially over and done.
ETA: You could pursue this -- I wouldn't suggest it -- but if you do, he owes it to you to fix what is wrong. He needs to show you he is fixing it by actively engaging in sex with you again.
He can't keep making promises or insist that nothing is wrong or he is too tired.
I still think the relationship is over.
You would be wise to say goodbye to him and go. See an attorney to get child support straightened out and to get visitation rights stipulated. GL.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
These 2 are not married.
I am positive the original title was "Boyfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore!!!"
I'm very surprised to see people advising this woman to cut her ties and that the relationship is over. Relationships are hard work, the fact that people "cut their ties" is the reason the divorce rate is so high.
I know you've tried the talking approach but I wonder if you went about it a different way. Maybe see if someone can watch the baby for the night and tell him that it's very important to you that you have this conversation. Explain to him that his actions are making you feel very unloved and you really want to understand what's happening. When he says nothing is wrong explain to him that maybe he feels that way but this is very real to you and if he's hiding something from you whether he's unhappy or stressed, then he owes it to you to tell you about it. Regardless of whether or not he feels there is a problem or not he needs to open up to you.
I know it's such a horrible feeling and I wish we could be of more help but unfortunately none of us know what's going on inside his brain. I know that for my husband, when he's stressed, the last thing he wants to do is have sex but he's still very loving.
I would honestly have a talk with him, don't just throw a "Hey honey, why don't we have sex" as you're eating dinner. Make a big deal of it so he understands the seriousness of it.
I wish you the best of luck and I truly hope everything works out.
How many times is the OP going to hear "I'm too tired" and other excuses?
Okay...she can sit him down and say to him -- outside of the bedroom, natch: "We used to have such hot sex but not anymore. How can we solve this problem?"
Then let him have the floor.
I get the ugly feeling that all she will get is lip service. And if that is the case, she needs to decide where she should go from here.
The OP said that this disconnect with sex has been going on for quite some time. Not only is there a problem with the sexual aspect of their relationship, there is also a problem where the relationship is worsening. This is why I tend to think the realtionship's run its course.
Ah, I did not see the original title. Depending on the other issues I might give it one last attempt b/c they have a child together. Sounds like the issues started when OP was pg or the child was a newborn.
From the timing it is very likely that you are trying to make something work that is over. The other option is that you never had a relationship with sound communication and having a child only made it more obvious.
Without knowing what the "other problems" are I would assume that this relationship may have already ended if a child were not part of the equation.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
I would like to start by saying that everyone here has offered great advice.
I have a simple idea for you to try. Play hard to get. Lose the aura of need, let him hunt you a bit. It may take some time, and it may even seem counter-productive. But see if you can get him to notice you again, you just have to be subtle.
One way to start is by focusing on some of those "back-burner" chores or activities. Sometimes a man seeing his wife involved in something can be very sexy, and he may not even realize why. For example, you may not see vacuuming Cheerios out your car as particularly attractive, but he may see a determined, on-point, busy, sexy momma bent over, getting things done! You may be surprised after a few of these, to find his interest is sparked.
Another way is the next time you have sex, throw in a game changer. For example, get vocal and tell him how much you want him to "give it to you" or do something that he isn't expecting. It can be a great way to jump start a lull and create some healthy lust and passion. He'll be back for more.
Give it a shot, what have you got to lose? At least your car will be clean! ;-)