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Am I over-reacting?
We temporarily have some friends who are a married couple living with us. I was hesitant about doing this from the get-go because I'm not a huge fan of Mr Roommate. I adore Mrs Roommate, and I felt bad for their situation though and so we allowed them to move in when they asked.
Things have been going ok over the past 3 months...not great, but ok... until this past weekend. Mrs. Roommate got caught holding my DH's hand and putting her head on his shoulder all while telling him what a good person he was in a drunken heart to heart talk at 5am while everyone else was in bed and DH was on the verge of passing out. She also took it upon herself to take pictures (G rated) of him falling asleep at the table and before that, trim his moustache and goatee...She also felt the need to tell my other friend who was visiting from out of town that her husband was "hot" and while practically sitting on his lap, rub his back and upper thigh.
DH says he was so drunk he didn't know what was going on and doesn't remember any of it and assures me that nothing ever has or would happen between them. He agrees that if the situation were reversed, he would be hurt too. In the 7 years he and I have been together, he's never so much as checked out another girl in front of me. No jealousy, no cheating and complete trust, until now.
I'm livid with both her and my husband and want to throw Mr and Mrs Roommates out, like, yesterday. I feel like she disrespected me and my friend and not only crossed the line, but stomped all over it. I feel like no good is going to come from them staying any longer because I can't trust her and am questioning what kind of friend she even is and clearly, have some issues to work out with my husband. Problem is, when I say all this outloud, I feel like it sounds trivial, and I'm sure it is to some with real infidelity problems. Its too close for my comfort to real infidelity problems for my liking. Am I blowing this out of proportion? Or should they be out on their asses ASAP?
Thanks for your help, Nesties 
Re: Am I over-reacting?
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussHmmmm....I think throwing the H out might be slightly overreacting....but....that would depend on whether or not OP is absolutely certain that she trusts him. In the sense where has she noticed any 'odd' behavior or interaction between her H & this woman or other women etc etc. to make her feel like something was going on. But only OP would truly know this. Based on what she has said, it seems like her H has never given her any reason to mistrust him or think that he would cheat or has a 'wandering eye'....or has he?
x10000
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
TTC since September 2012
We temporarily have some friends who are a married couple living with us. I was hesitant about doing this from the get-go because I'm not a huge fan of Mr Roommate. I adore Mrs Roommate, and I felt bad for their situation though and so we allowed them to move in when they asked.
Never a good idea to have any type of roommie. I don't care if it's your nana. NO roommates.
Things have been going ok over the past 3 months...not great, but ok... until this past weekend. Mrs. Roommate got caught holding my DH's hand and putting her head on his shoulder all while telling him what a good person he was in a drunken heart to heart talk at 5am while everyone else was in bed and DH was on the verge of passing out. She also took it upon herself to take pictures (G rated) of him falling asleep at the table and before that, trim his moustache and goatee...She also felt the need to tell my other friend who was visiting from out of town that her husband was "hot" and while practically sitting on his lap, rub his back and upper thigh.
Are you running a nice middle class household...or a brothel?
The roommates need to go...and so does your husband....
DH says he was so drunk he didn't know what was going on and doesn't remember any of it and assures me that nothing ever has or would happen between them. He agrees that if the situation were reversed, he would be hurt too. In the 7 years he and I have been together, he's never so much as checked out another girl in front of me. No jealousy, no cheating and complete trust, until now.
Your H needs to go.
Why is he drunk, period, let alone at 5 am and why is he so cozy with the female roommate???
You need to get rid of her AND him. Sorry...alcohol is a truth serum and if he was indeed "that drunk" that he did not rememver, he's got an alcohol problem, too.
See this for what this is: a husband with cheating on his mind.
Not to mention a husband with a drinking problem. No normal person gets drunk.
I'm livid with both her and my husband and want to throw Mr and Mrs Roommates out, like, yesterday. I feel like she disrespected me and my friend and not only crossed the line, but stomped all over it. I feel like no good is going to come from them staying any longer because I can't trust her and am questioning what kind of friend she even is and clearly, have some issues to work out with my husband. Problem is, when I say all this outloud, I feel like it sounds trivial, and I'm sure it is to some with real infidelity problems. Its too close for my comfort to real infidelity problems for my liking. Am I blowing this out of proportion? Or should they be out on their asses ASAP?
This is infidelity.
Show him the door. And her, too, while you are at it.
Wait a second here....Tarpon, do you really think this guy cheated and has an alcohol problem? Look, I generally agree with you and the advice you give and I semi-agree with what you are saying here too, but OP stated that in the 7 years she's been with her H, he's never even so much as looked at another woman. That has to count for something, no? As far as the drinking, I don't know if I would say the guy is an alcoholic - I mean if he was drinking like this on a regular basis and blacking out, then maybe, but if it's not a regular occurance, then probably not.
Anyway, I'm a bit in the middle on the H in this....the roommate though, definitely not. She needs to go for sure. Again, I'm not trying to make this seem like its not a big deal either because I would be extremely p!ssed if this were me in this situation...
First, the roommates have to go. It is your house and this behavior is not okay. She is not a friend.
Second, why was your husband drunk at 5 am? Did he get drunk and then fall asleep on the couch? That still isn't okay, esp since you have people living with you. It just isn't smart. Unless he was black out drunk (which is a huge problem) he should have been able to get up and go to your room. I would want to work out why he was so drunk he didn't know what was going on.
Like you said you have things to work out and you cannot do that with other people living in your home. From you OP it doesn't sound like you were big on the idea in the first place, was your DH? Just wondering if he was more okay with it or you both just decided to say yes b/c you felt guilty doing otherwise. If he was a driving force in saying yes and then you have this incident, there could be more to work out.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Drunk at 5am, really?
Who with any sense and all growed up is drunk at 5 am???
I said he had a drinking problem. You do not necessarily have to be an alcoholic to have a drinking problem. If you drink to excess where you get drunk -- and you're drunk at what time --- he's got a drinking problem and he needs to avoid alcohol.
I would also be very angry with Mrs Roomate, though not necessarily husband. Though if husband is unable to defend himself against women while drunk, he shouldn't really be getting that drunk. It implies a general bordering on alarming lack of judgement ability.
However, it was 5 am, they are supposed to be good friends, it's easy to let your guard down in your own house. I think there were mitigating circumstances. I don't drink(and my husband doesn't now, too), so I don't know much about how much it is usual to drink, not remember, etc.
EDIT: As someone completely dry you can probably tell I am not the biggest fan of alchohol, but it is not a truth serum. That has been debunked.
This. I wasn't saying to let H off the hook completely either - I just am not quite sure he should be kicked out over this if this is not something that has happened before.
And you would be surprised at people I know who drink at a late hour....in Spain, this is actually quite normal since people (yes, even the grown ones) don't even go out until 2am, so I do not see this as a drinking problem. If it was something that was done on a regular basis, then yea, maybe I would say ok, but I would not be so quick to accuse people of it being a full on problem - especially when it's people we don't even know personally here. That is all. You're entitled to your opinions on the matter of drinking.....
Yeah I do agree that someone older than the undergrad years might have an issue if they drink enough to not remember things the next day. Getting drunk enough to pass out is not healthy adult behavior. It would make me think that he either has a drinking problem, or perhaps is lying when he says he can't even remember what happened. It's not the timing of the drinking that would concern me (5 am), it's the quantity and it would depend on how often he drinks to this level of stupor. So for me it would be roommates out the door now, and husband and wife in therapy to explore this more in depth.
However when you invite people to live with you, there are boundaries and things you just can't do. You can't walk around in your underwear, leave the door unlocked while in the shower, sleep on the couch drunk or otherwise when said roommate clearly drinks and is inappropriate with the opposite gender. I would not kick him out yet, but it would not be off the table. First, the roommates need to be gone this weekend.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
This is where I'm at. She absolutely crossed a line and they need gone now. But I feel like your DH placed himself in a bad situation. Drunken heart to hearts with a roommate about her husband, who also lives with you, is just a bad idea. I'm also wondering if your DH pressured you into this roommate thing despite your objections. That's a problem too.
Have you ever heard of the expression "cleaning house".
Sweetie. I'd clean house so squeaky, my H would be sitting in the curb by the trash.
It is so easy to see what she did wrong. The Harlot. But what is missed most in these situations is the man. What did he do? If your H acted in a way that was called for in this situation- you wouldn't have posted this. If he told this hussy to get bent I'd never know this happened.
Your H may have been "turned on" by the attention part only, but to me... He needs counseling and he needs your trust again. Good Luck to you. Honestly, everyone's crap would be waiting on the front lawn and the licks would be changed on Monday at 5pm.
This
Its not trivial. I would have told both roommates to leave already.
That is how a lot of infidelity starts...I didn't mean to...I was drunk...I didnt know what was going on...yada yada..stupid excuses in my book. Don't put yourself in situations that are asking for trouble, I would consider this one of those situations.
How does Mr. Roommate feel about all of this? Especially since this isn't the only man his wife has come onto.
**6.30.12** I have found the one whom my soul loves.
I agree