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Anyone a stay at home spouse?
in Married Life
Just wondering what that's like. I work an okay job, but there's no room for growth and I know my husband is being considered for a raise and promotion next year. Sometimes it's hard to keep up with making sure there's food to eat and that our place is clean because of the hours I work. I leave home at 8 and get back home around 8pm for work. I also do freelance work when I'm not too busy from my day job.
For those who do work at home/are homemakers, did you get negative response from others?
Re: Anyone a stay at home spouse?
I work from home and there is a certain ebb and flow to it. My husband totally gets it when I have to work evenings and weekends and when I have absolutely no work. I typically make dinner simply because I'm here but if I'm too busy he stops and grabs carry out. All of the housework is shared 50/50 unless work is slow for me, then I pick up more around the house because I have more free time.
I can't even imagine being a stay at home spouse simply because I feel that I can't keep up with housework. As Kruus said, is your husband putting in as much time working on the house as you are? I would suggest hiring a cleaning company before not working to stay at home to cook and clean. In periods that work for me has been slow, I've gone months with no work and taking lead on all of the cooking, cleaning and errands. It's a very lonely and thankless job.
**6.30.12** I have found the one whom my soul loves.
**6.30.12** I have found the one whom my soul loves.
I think stay at home Mom's and stay at home spouses get a bad rep. Even if you are not a mom yet, it doesn't mean you sit around all day doing nothing. There are a lot of things that go into making a home run smoothly. My husband just got a big pay raise, so we are starting to look at our options for me. I currently work with him at his families company. However we are wanting to have kids soon and our house is no where near kid friendly. If I choose to stay home I will be in charge of cleaning, cooking, laundry, and any home projects that don't involve to much skill. Along with my daily home chores I will be able to focus on my dream of being a writer. It is a blessing when a family can have someone stay home. That allows for more personal time with your love one when he returns home. However in choosing to stay home I would encourage you to make time in each day to do something that will get you closer to a dream you might have. Like with me I would set a side a time (same time everyday) to write and do research.
If both of you agree this is what is best for your family screw what others think, the truth is they are probably a little on the jealous side. I think people ignore how much stress having a job and a home to take care of can be. Sure you can do both, but if you don't have to why stress your marriage and yourself out.
In my opinion, I think it's kind of silly to be a "stay at home wife." Will your husband's promotion/raise cover all of your lost income? If not, why sacrifice that money?
I come from a family dynamic where the women work, kids or no kids. You work and pull your weight financially.... so it's kind of engrained in me. Plus - do you really think you could fill up an entire day/week with cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. when there are no kids in the mix? I'd get bored. I would at least have to have a part time job!
In your case, a 12 hour day is a long day (is that 5 days a week??). How much is your husband working? Is he also helping in maintaining the household?
I don't know what your plans are but if you are considering having kids any time in the near future, it's probably best to keep working and save as much money as possible. Are you able to start looking for a different job with better hours in the meantime?
I was a stay at home so, without kids, due to no one wanting to hire me for a good length of time. I kept the place very clean, ran all errands, laundry, cooking, and had time left over for me. I enjoyed it but there were times I was restless.
Now I have a chronic condition and very little energy. A job in my career field fell in my lap so I took it. I hardly had the energy before this job to do basic tasks around the place. Now that energy goes to my job.
I wish sometimes I just stayed a stay at home so. But I enjoy my job and still am working on finding a balance of home/ work/ rest. I did get side eyed over being a stay at home from people I met.
This was kind of my situation a year ago. My husband got a promotion that made up for what I made at a job I hated so I quit. Plus we are working on making a family so we figured it was a good time since we both wanted one of us to stay home with the kids. But now we aren't due till August and I have gotten pretty bored being home, but if you are doing freelancing that probably won't be as big a problem for you.
Most people I talk to have been more impressed with the fact we can afford to live on 1 income then judge that I stay home. As long as you will be able to keep busy without kids and still afford to do things (now that I stay home alone, I have more need to go out and meet people for coffee/lunch for socialization) I say go for it.
A great thing is that it gives you the time to do stuff you really enjoy. You could continue to do your freelance work to bring in some money, and maybe even expand your freelance hours if that's what you enjoy doing. Or you could take the time to go into some other field that maybe you didn't feel was an option before.
I now have had the opportunity to learn all about online editing and I am a freelance film critic, and I enjoy both of these jobs even though they don't bring me too much money. However, I am building a career here in Germany that I would never have even thought an option when I was in the States.
My DH also realizes that I am not a house elf, so while I cook him dinner every night and try to keep the house clean, I am not forced to. If I have a day where the thought of roasting a chicken makes me wince, he is totally accepting of it. So really it depends on the dynamic of your relationship and what you see yourself doing in your career/future.
I'm curious about this as well.
I think being a stay at home spouse would be extremely boring--a SAHM has a completely different purpose. As PPs said, there is only so much cooking, cleaning, and laundry that can be done before there is nothing else to do. I would feel very inadequate if my only job was household chores.
I work 14 hour shifts/day and I'm on my feet constantly. My job also takes a lot of mental work so I'm mentally AND physically exhausted. There are times I come home and don't cook or clean at all but there are other times I do.
Crockpots can be your best friend when it comes to meal prep on long days at work. Toss a load of laundry in the washer before bed, put it in the dryer as you're getting ready and another in the washer as you're getting ready. It's easy to keep up on laundry this way--I know, I do it this way. Cleaning--pick a room a day and do maintenance cleaning, or one room each (two rooms/night WOOHOO!!). Pick up, dust the big stuff, and rid the room of clutter. Do deep cleaning (vacuuming, heavy dusting, mop floors, etc) one weekend day/month. If it's only you & your H, it shouldn't be too messy.
Another thing--these tasks can (and SHOULD) be shared with your H. You are not the only one who can do laundry, cook, and clean. He should help out around the house as well. Housework is not a woman's job and any man who tells you different should get kicked.
I started working from home full-time in January. And I really truly thought that by doing this, the apartment would FINALLY be clean and I could FINALLY cook dinner every night. HA!!! I work more hours now than I did while working at a full time job!
I will say DH has gotten pretty lax about helping with chores, but he does notice that I work my butt off now. I'm trying to figure out a good work/life balance, but with freelance clients it's always a "Rush" and they always seem to email me late at night. Arg. But hey, I gotta keep bringing in some money not only for our savings, but also for my pride and sanity. I enjoy working (especially cause what I do is creative) and I wouldn't want to give it up for the sake of a spotless apartment.
OMG, you're right. Being an adult is SOOOO stressful :-(
Just a note: if you decided to do every meal from scratch that would take all day. I have a relative who has a maid who does this.
Heck, doing a lot of things from scratch take a long time. Refinishing furniture, making furniture/lamps/etc, growing food, harvesting and preparing food...there is a lot of neat home DIY stuff you can do, actually. And if you get good at it, you can make money off of it!
I'm currently staying at home for physical rehabilitation. Between studying, crafting(I do a lot of making/building/creating), and feeling crappy there is hardly time for anything! My life is in transition but I feel so happy(when I am not feeling crappy. Actually, then too).
My husband helps out a lot because of my current disabilities.
I would say-don't stay at home for a clean house. Learn skills! Learn how to make things, and pursue goals!
I say do what works for you. You can always try staying home and if you don't like it you can find a job you like better.
I'm a stay at home spouse right now (who does freelance once in a while). We don't have kids, so some think it's silly, but it works well for us. We can afford it, and I have the energy and time to work on the house (we're renovating an old home), and while he makes the living I make the living worthwhile by making a happy home.
I like this because I get to pursue my hobbies, exercise daily, volunteer, and spend time with family. Without the stress of work I have plenty of time to spend quality time with my husband. I think our marriage is stronger for it. He's happy that I take such good care of him and that I am able to do a lot of extra things to make his life better simply because I have more time to do them. I also have time to make meals from scratch and I take care of a few special needs pets that we took in because I have the time to devote to their care. I love doing that. I find that I am happier when I get to sleep whenever I choose and not have any commitments to take me away from pursuing my own interests and making a happy home. I never get bored, but I do get judged unfortunately. I think some people would be envious of others who have the option to stay home if they want to. I get the question "What do you DO all day?" a lot. Especially since we have no kids. Believe me, you don't need kids to keep you busy. I'm always working on some project, and I feel very fulfilled. I can go back to work anytime I want to or need to, so I don't feel like I am missing out on anything. I probably will return to work, but for now I am enjoying life this way.
This!
I would die of boredom. I have all the respect in the world for SAHM's, but I have no idea why anyone would just be a stay at home spouse (unless absolutely unable to get a paying job).
Cleaning a house and cooking are simple tasks, that one's husband can actually contribute to, and not contributing to your household income in any way does not make sense, unless there are kids in the mix.
Of course this is just my opinion. But yes, I would judge someone who was just a SAH wife. I would think you were lazy.
Hi there!
At this point in our marriage I work on a very part time basis. Once we have a baby, I will quit working all together. As it is now, I have sufficient time to get things done around the house such as cooking, cleaning, laundry and occasional errands. I tried not working at all when we first got married and I felt very bored on many days. I feel more balanced by having something to do right now. Once we have a child, I have no doubt that will keep me busy. My advice would be, sure, reduce your hours. But quitting all together is tricky because it leaves room for a lot of bordum through out the day, unless you have a really time consuming hobby you can do
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I am.. I stay home with our 2 boys and soon to be third child..
I like being home for my kids but I'll be honest I would be at work if not for my kids..
It has its dull moments sometimes. And I feel like sometimes I more clingy with my husband because I miss adult communication..
I didn't get much negative feedback because they knew I was leaving to raise my kids. Plus it doesn't matter who says anything if you and your DH are okay with you being a stay at home wife tell everyone else to ef off..
I am a complete Stay at home spouse, we like to joke that it is the 1950's up in here :P Truthfully? His grandfather was a huge impact on him growing up and we discussed early on how we wanted our marriage to be, modeling it after the gran's. yeah we live off of one income, but we save money on stuff, like only having one vehicle ( we live way, way out, so gas for me to get to a crap paying job in the nearest small town, not really feasible)
some people do make snide comments, seems that their is a big difference about staying home sans kids, however I count all of our livestock as our "youngin's" .
It may be archaic , but we split responsibilites , everything inside the house, cleaning etc. is my duty, I tend to the animals, garden and such, he works, and takes care of all outside the home duties , bill paying and so on.