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Old friends...
My significant other and I have been friends for many years, and began to date after we both became separated from our spouses. However, we kept it to ourselves because we wanted our divorces to play out. His marriage was very long and he has an adult child who did not react well to the divorce...she will need time to accept that he will date--let alone that he has someone special.
But the end is near, and we are beginning to step into the light, "coming out" to trusted friends only. The experiment has been a great success. Our friends are happy for us and the new people I have met have embraced me with open arms.
As a result, he wanted me to meet a small group of his very old friends who live out of town when they happened to be visiting the city where we live. I don't know how he introduced the topic of a new friend to them, but my reception was chilly and awkward at best.
My attempts at conversation were either ignored or glossed over. When my significant other left the room, there was awkward silence. No one asked a question about me and when I asked them questions I got very brief responses. I'm a very friendly open person, and rarely meet a stranger. It was a really unusual and disappointing experience.
A majority of friends in this group are woman and while I feel confident there is no romantic history, perhaps they feel territorial. Or maybe they really loved or feel loyal to his ex (though I think this is less likely as they are friends of his that predate the ex).
We both know it didn't go well, and we are both wondering if this is normal...can we expect more of this? Any advice as to how he can address his friends individually? He loves his friends and I certainly don't want to be a wedge but this isn't an experience I am excited about repeating (with them or anyone else!!!)
Re: Old friends...
Even if their relationship predates his wife, the majority of their friendship was when she was a part of their life. They probably feel a strong bond with her and built a friendship with her over the years.
I'm one of the younger ones around here--24, but my parents went through something similar. They divorced after 25 years of marriage. Both had friends and family from before the marriage but over those years, friendships formed between everyone. My dad is closer to my mom's sister/her husband than my mom is to her own sister after the divorce.
There is not type of talk or sit down you can have with these people that will make them automatically like you. From what you said, they weren't mean, they simply weren't receptive. It's a natural human thing to be apprehensive about someone new especially given the situation. Time will change their reactions. Continue your willingness to get to know them, be yourself, and over time you'll develop relationships with them. It may feel very one-sided for a while but it will slowly turn around.
When it comes to meeting his daughter--be prepared. This will probably go the same way. When I met my mom's boyfriend (she calls him friend but she's also 50-something so she doesn't feel the need to say BOYfriend), I was not an easy person to get to know. I was short with him, I wouldn't talk to him much, and it took about 3 years before I was warm and welcoming. I'm sure it was trying on their relationship but it took a long time for me to adjust (I was 15 at the time). Now, I call him my step-dad because *I* want to. I respect him so much, I love him, and we have a great relationship. We go out and do things together--he's currently teaching me to ride my bike (a road bike, I already know how to physically ride a bike). It took time and patience for both of us but we're closer than ever. One thing he never tried to do was be my father. I have one of those. He was a role model but knew when the issue I was bringing to the table for one for my mom to deal with vs. one they would deal with together. He did not and still doesn't stay the night with my mom when I'm around. He does this out of respect for me. I'm not stupid, I know they share a bed when I'm not around but he does it to make me more comfortable. Simply--be respectful. Understand it will take time and she may take a while to realize you're not trying to replace her mother. Also--while you know you were both faithful in your marriage and the relationship started afterwards, it may take her a while to understand this. That was one of the biggest hurdles I faced as a child of divorce with a parent in a serious relationship soon after the divorce.