Ms. or Mrs.

linnae939

I have not changed my name, can I still use Mrs? I am excited to be married and want to show it off a bit...but since I am still Linnae A. and hubby is Carl B...Can I be Mrs. A? Or do I have to be Ms. A? This wouldn't bother me (nor would the name change) as much if I weren't a teacher...I feel most jobs your first name will suffice, but I am faced with my name change, or lack there of, 100 times a day. Thoughts?

TarponMonoxide

No, it would not make sense to use Mrs. in front of your maiden name. Not even correct, etiquette wise.

There are lots of married women who retain their maiden name. You'd be Ms. Linnae A and he'd be Mr. Carl B.

That is how all mail addressed jointly to the 2 of you would go.

chrisnjay05212010

Tarpon is right.

anssett

I've never heard this. Since he took my name does etiquette say I'm not a Mrs either? Is he not really a Mr? My point is, many 'rules of etiquette' aren't relevant anymore. You are married. I say you should call yourself whatever you want.

Joy2611

Tarpon is correct.

I also did not take my husband's last name.  Legally, I am Ms. MyLastName.  Socially, I am free to be Mrs. HisLastName.  But, I can never be Mrs. MyLastName.  It makes no sense.

MzBecky

anssett:

I've never heard this. Since he took my name....

Why did he do that? 

MzBecky

linnae939:

I have not changed my name, can I still use Mrs? I am excited to be married and want to show it off a bit...

Then why not just change your name? Problem solved. 

BulgariHeart

Joy2611:

Tarpon is correct.

I also did not take my husband's last name.  Legally, I am Ms. MyLastName.  Socially, I am free to be Mrs. HisLastName.  But, I can never be Mrs. MyLastName.  It makes no sense.

Same for me. I'm Ms MyLastName.

TarponMonoxide

anssett:

I've never heard this. Since he took my name does etiquette say I'm not a Mrs either? Is he not really a Mr? My point is, many 'rules of etiquette' aren't relevant anymore. You are married. I say you should call yourself whatever you want.

He took YOUR name?

Not unheard of --- if your given name was Mary Smith (the name you have been using since you were born) and he was John Doe before he took your name, he is now John Smith and you are Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.

Schools used to teach these rules of etiquette and decorum. Not anymore.

And NO you cannot call yourself what you wish! it's etiquette rules and it is decorum. You can't make up your own rule.

anssett

TarponMonoxide:

anssett:

I've never heard this. Since he took my name does etiquette say I'm not a Mrs either? Is he not really a Mr? My point is, many 'rules of etiquette' aren't relevant anymore. You are married. I say you should call yourself whatever you want.

He took YOUR name?

Not unheard of --- if your given name was Mary Smith (the name you have been using since you were born) and he was John Doe before he took your name, he is now John Smith and you are Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.

Schools used to teach these rules of etiquette and decorum. Not anymore.

And NO you cannot call yourself what you wish! it's etiquette rules and it is decorum. You can't make up your own rule.

 No, it's not unheard of. It's the 21st century. As society evolves so should the 'rules of decorum'. Many more women are choosing to not change their names, many men are choosing to take their wife's name, and many couples choose to pick a new name together. These changes reflect a new way of presenting themselves as couples. I believe the way society addresses them should adapt too.

MrsS728

I'm a teacher too and I changed my name last September after getting married in July. It was a smooth transition for the kids. Some (who I looped with) still call me Ms. Maiden name, while others call me Mrs. Married name. I answer to both.

UTHorn

I'm not changing my name and will go by Ms.  This will be used legally and socially. You've got your marriage license, pictures and memories of your day, your wedding ring for everyone to see. It's a very personal choice. I hope you find the right one for you.

TheCraftyKoala

Have you just not changed it yet because of your students? Or do you not plan to change it?

After you change your last name legally you can still receive official documents (pay checks, for example) under your maiden name. Just make sure your bank has both. I made my maiden name into my middle name which completely eliminates any issues... if I go to cash a check or something like that in my maiden name the maiden name is on my driver's license.

As for the students... if you are at least 3rd grade level they should be able to understand marriage and changing last names. You can write your new last name with Mrs. on the board and explain the change. The students can then decide if they want to call you by your maiden or new last name... it would be a transition year, not a huge deal. If they are younger than that, just don't tell them about the change and keep your paperwork at work all the same until the summer. No big deal at all.

Using MRS instead of MS but still using for maiden last name is not correct etiquette. It implies you did in fact get married but to someone with your same last name. Like if Mike Jones married Amy Jones, she could go by Mrs. Jones without legally changing anything.... but that is not what happened here. I hope that makes sense.

dalm0m

I didn't change my name either. I joke I have an alias. IRL / at work my name is my name & I have almost always used Ms. Nothing changed. Socially I use Mrs. his name.