Married Life
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
how did you know you were ready for a baby?
Hi,
My husband and I have been married for over 2 years now and he has always wanted kids asap... I have been on the fence since we have started dating. Partially because I don't know if I will be able to conceive due to medical issues.
These past few weeks and maybe past two months I have been feeling that maybe it is time to start seriously planning for a baby. I know that just because I WANT something it doesn't necessarily mean that I am READY for one. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated. I just don't want to enter into being a parent light heartedly because I know that a baby is one of the most precious things in the world. I know my husband will be a great father and is a great uncle to my niece and nephew. Any advice or opinions welcome!!
THANKS FOR READING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: how did you know you were ready for a baby?
Hello there! I've asked myself (and the Nest) the same question! See my post below!
There is so much that goes into deciding if and when you're ready. In my opinion, being absolutely sure you want that responsibility is first and foremost. Children are great but they are also a HUGE commitment... you will make a lot of sacrifices for a long time. Maybe spend the next couple months doing some soul-searching before you decide, because it doesn't sound like you're 100% on board just yet.
Obviously, being financially sound is critical. I would do some research with your heath plan and determine your costs for labor and delivery, as well as office visits during your pregnancy. Make sure you have more than enough to cover that. I'd also recommend researching the expenses you will incur after baby arrives. Have you thought about breastfeeding vs. bottle, cloth vs. disposable diapers, day care options, etc.? How you choose to care for a baby will affect how expensive he/she is! For what it's worth, our goal is to have 5-6 months worth of household expenses in savings in addition to the actual costs of labor and delivery.
Regarding your medical issues - I'm not sure what they are (not that I'm prying!). But it couldn't hurt to talk to your OB or a fertility doctor about it and discuss the impact these issues might have on a pregnancy.
If I were you, I'd take the next few months to really think about it and discuss these things with your husband. And in the meantime, have fun! Go out when you're able, take an exotic vacation if finances permit! Take advantage of being able to pick and up go whenever you want to!
Best of luck to you, hope everything works out!
Also try Babies on the Brain over at the Bump. http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/4110108/ShowForum.aspx?MsdVisit=1
From what I see with my friends and family, there comes a time when "I want a baby" becomes like a trump card. It doesn't matter what obstacles anybody points out to you, wanting a baby is big enough to overrule.
Lots of people talk about having a bucket list of stuff to do before having a kid. Things like paying off some debt, having $x amount in a savings account, taking a "big" trip, losing weight, etc.
Talk to your H.
Good luck!
I never decided I was ready, but knew I always wanted to be a Mom.
I have 2 children, both concieved when I was using (obviously) defective birth control. I raised my son alone (I got pregnant when I was 31), and my daughter with her dad until we couldn't be together any longer.
They are now both adults. I never planned them, they happened. But, I was financially secure, had health insurance, and knew that they would bring wonderful things to my life..........along with stress, worry, intrusions into private time.
I'm not sure if anyone really knows they are ready. You don't always get what you want, and sometimes you get what is best for you, just not when you planned. Life is like that. I can tell you if you know you want to be a mother, you will be fine. When you and your husband are both ready, then just jump in and enjoy the ride! I do understand things are different in today's world than they were when my son was born 25 years ago.......but I have had not one regret that these are my children and that I decided to be their mother.
Best wishes.
Everyone is very different when it comes to this topic. There are some people who want 6 months of expenses in savings, no student loan or credit card debt, to own a home in the best school district, to be able for one parent to stay home full time afterwards, and to have already accomplished certain goals like traveling or moving up the career ladder. Then there is a camp of people who feel there "is no right time" and don't even feel the need to be able to support themselves before actively trying for a baby. Most people fall somewhere in the middle.
I have been married just at 2 years and my husband and I want to have kids so badly but then there are also days where we just relish sleeping 10 hours straight, watching rated r movies, or going out and not worrying about bringing a stroller and a crying baby along. I know when we have children we will absolutely love every stage of it - we just love children! But for now, we are pretty young (23 & 25) and are just trying to enjoy this time while checking off the boxes on our "before baby" list.
For most people the following items should be checked off of a list before actively trying:
1) stable employment/income
2) ability to afford prenatal and delivery costs
3) ability to afford the parenting style you hope to adopt (rather that be a stay at home parent, day care, or whatever works for you) without racking up debt
4) emotionally ready for the commitment of being parents
5) stable home environment - either owning a home or having a good landlord that you trust not to just evict you for a crying baby or whatever.
Best of luck deciding if now is the "right time!" I honestly think anyone who actually considers if they are ready are already far more prepared than parents who just leap forward without any thought.