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Time Sucks (Just a Vent Really)
So, as a background: DH and I have been married for a year and a half, and I'll turn 29 in November. It is our plan to start TTC when I turn 30. In the meantime, we have bought a house, paid down some student loans, and doing some other things we want to do.
The thing is this. My grandma, who I'm very close to, is having health issues. My other grandma, who if I'm totally honest was not the greatest when she was in her right mind, has dementia. Even though we were never that close, it still stings when she doesn't remember me. DH's awesome grandma is also having health problems.
I know that they are getting older, just as I am. But I broke down a bit today because the thought of my son or daughter not getting to know these ladies really breaks my heart. I know that's not a good reason to move up TTC. We won't. I know that they may still get to see my kid. I hope so. But you know, time does just suck sometimes.
Not really much of a question here, although I'll take any thoughts you have. Just needed to get it out.
Re: Time Sucks (Just a Vent Really)
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. It is horribly painful.
My mother was a children's teacher, musician, and poet when she was alive. Her retirement plan was to care for my kids while I work. We were unbelievably close. I lost her to cancer 7 years ago. I can't express how the waves of recurring sadness I feel knowing she won't be here in person to be part of my future children's lives. But I have her recordings, and poems, and stories about her, and I will get to share that with my babies.
Thanks for the sympathy guys. It has been one of those weeks where it is one piece of bad news after another. I'm going to start being proactive about collecting stories, pictures, etc. so that I don't regret not doing it later. And I know I can pass down the traditions that we have together, and remember them in that way.
I'm sorry. It's really difficult dealing with and/or planning for the loss of a loved one. I had a really hard time coping with the death of my grandfathers. Likewise my husband was really close to his grandmother - I had the pleasure of meeting her once before she passed.
You have to remember that even though your grandmothers might not be physically present in your future kids lives, their legacy will be passed on. These women have had an impact in your lives and therefore will help you in how you shape your children's lives. If, heaven forbid, they pass before you have kids - tell them stories, show them pictures, shares laughs, etc. I know it's not the same as them being physically there, but they will live on. For example, I only got to meet my husband's grandmother once but I feel like I knew her because of all of the great stories I've heard! It's nice.
And if you're into it - pop on "Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley and have a margarita or a glass of wine - this ALWAYS cheers me up when I'm down!
I'm really sorry you are dealing with this. Even though I know every situation is different, I can relate. My husband and I are both the youngest in our families. Our grandparents were HUGE parts of our lives growing up and it is really hard to imagine what our children will experience. Luckily, they will have far more responsible parents than we had (we were both practically raised by grandparents due to bad parenting) but still I wonder what it will be like for them. Both of my grandfathers have passed, and both of my grandmas and DH's grandparents are in their mid to late 70s. They are already at the "average age" of death... so, really anything can happen. DH's two sisters had children a decade ago and those kids got to have his grandparents run around with them, go to the beach, etc. and there is no way that would happen even if we had a baby right this second. They are just too old.
My dad passed away a little over a month ago. We weren't very close, but we had rebuilt a relationship over the last few years and I get really upset when I think about my kids never even knowing him. I am totally estranged from my mother (not by my choice). DH's situation isn't too much different. Between the two of us, really only my MIL would be anything close to a grandma and she acts like she is in her 20s. It is depressing to think our kids won't have any type of traditional grandparents like we had the privilege of having... however, that is just life. We aren't going to rush having a baby so that the child has a photograph of themselves being held by great grandparents - not even the grandparents would want that! We are still in early/mid 20s and plan to wait a few years still.
Just wanted to let you know that most people can relate to this on some level. It totally stinks, but just know that as people who love you move out of your life others will fill the holes. Your child will be loved by so many and you will be able to preserve the memory of loved ones by sharing pictures and stories. In some ways that can even be better if they didn't always show their best side!