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So now what...
I am going to try to make the story short.
Married since 2009, had a baby in 2010. DH has never been lovey dovey but enough to make me happy. In the past year or 2 our sex life has gone from ok to BAD! And he barely notices me. We fight a lot about it, I am always the one that starts everything in the bedroom. He comes home from work and barely says hello, once in a while he will kiss me and most of the time is because I ask for it. We don't cuddle in the sofa watching TV anymore and when he goes to bed he's so tired he passes out super fast and maybe I get a kiss good night.
I am 30 he is 43. I understand he has a very demanding job so I am not asking that we do it everyday, but we do it maybe twice a month...
We fight a lot about this and he always makes it my problem, "I am emotionally immature" (because I get upset that he doesn't kiss me good night, or when he comes home), I just want to acknowledged. He says "it's not in him" I know he's not romantic and lovey but he used to be better at it than now and I was happy with that. He says "I put too much pressure on him when it come to sex"... Is it that hard to have sex with me???? I am fit and keep myself looking good, I am the same size I was before I got pregnant!!
And the last thing he said yesterday during our fight was "I guess I am not the guy for you"
I don't know where to go from here. I think I deserve better, but we have a daughter together and I would hate to do that tower because I am not happy in my marriage, then in the other side I think if I am miserable that's all my daughter is going to see and what kind of example I am giving her.
I am so confused and scared. This morning I suggested therapy/counseling and he refuses.
Re: So now what...
Hmmm...sorry for your troubles
The first thing I was going to suggest was seeing a counselor before just throwing in the towel, but I see that you've already suggested that and that your H has refused. I'm a bit concerned by your H's lack of wanting to do the counseling too. I realize that it might not be the ideal situation, but if you are wanting to work on your marriage and make it stronger, why say no to this? Did he give a reason why he doesn't want to do counseling?
I don't want to jump to conclusions either, but you don't think he's having an affair, do you? Other than what you've said, has he been behaving strangely with anything else?
I really don't think he's having an affair.
He blames everything to his work and the pressure he's on there.
He didn't give me any specific reason this time about the lack of interest in seeking help. All I can think of is that he always says he doesn't believe in therapy. He was very depressed at some point of his life, long time ago and he went to different therapist and now he hates them and he won't go to one again.
Hmmm...well that's a lame excuse on his part. He should want to fight for your marriage. Granted work stress can affect relationships and marriage will always have its ups and downs, but he should not be letting your marriage suffer because he's having a difficult time at work. Nor should he be giving some excuse about why counseling doesn't work because without at least trying (the 2 of you together), how will he ever know.
The reason I asked about the affair is just the fact that he flat out is refusing to do any counseling....
Again, sorry you are going through this....I wish I had some other suggestion for you
a marriage takes 2 people to make it work, in your case only 1 wants to try.
there isn't much left for you to do...
stay like this
or remove yourself and start a new life...a happy one
Are all the other things about being married to him worth staying for? Do you care about each other, outside the bedroom? Does he treat you well? If you really want HIM, not just want to avoid breaking up your daughter's home, consider asking about an open relationship. If he really wants to come home to you every day, but doesn't want to kiss you or make love to you, that's an option for some people.
If that's not an option for him you get to decide if you want this forever (and no, it won't change until HE changes), or you want to be happy. Happy means leaving. It means pain now and payoff later.
I wonder if he has a medical issue, like low testerone. The lack of sex drive and the fact he is so tired and his age could be symptoms. Tell him you are concerned and get him to go get a psychical and blood work.
As for him being affectionate you knew he wasn't that way when you married him.
Aces for him. What a brilliant thing to say to a wife. He's got all the tact of a fart in a crowded elevator.
And his comment went over as well as one, too.
And I find this disturbing that he said "I guess I am not the guy for you."
What you need to do:
Have somebody watch the kiddo for the day and then initiate a conversation with him --- make it clear he needs to participate and that he owes it to you to discuss the problem with you and fix it, together with you.
My spidey sense also tells me something is flukey with him. Maybe he's no longer emotionally committed, maybe this relationship is over, maybe he is having an affair.
Give him a deadline to start working on this with you --- it should be as of immediately --- and if he doesn't ante up in the specified time, you decide where you wish to go from here.
I do not like the discord, or the lack of tact, or lack of respect, that he has for you. Hoping you get this problem resolved. GL.