Married Life
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
becoming Mrs. - what to do about the middle name?
Hi everyone,
Just got married April 20 and am about to embark on the name changing process. While I've decided to take my husband's last name, I keep going back and forth on whether to make my maiden name my new middle name, or to keep my original middle name and drop my maiden name altogether.
I like my current middle name, and think it flows better than subbing in my maiden name, however I'm concerned about losing the identity associated with my maiden name.
For any girls who dropped their maiden name completely, did you have any issues with employers or friends recognizing you? Did you informally do the hyphen last name at work? How was the transition?
Help!
Re: becoming Mrs. - what to do about the middle name?
I had planned on dropping my maiden name altogether, and I like the sound of FirstName NewLastName, but I was surprised to find that I had reservations about dropping my maiden name because 1: First Middle NewLast sounds clunky to me, and I've always loved the flow of First Middle Maiden; and 2: like you, I didn't want to lose the identity associated with my maiden name.
What I ended up doing was taking H's last name, and also changing my middle name to the two names Middle Maiden. So on my SS card and driver's license, my name is First Middle Maiden NewLast, but I introduce myself as First NewLast. My second middle name doesn't follow me everywhere (I have one initial/middle name on some of my banking info and school ID, two on other banks/IDs), and it can be a hassle sometimes. All in all, though, I'm glad I did it because I know in the back of my mind that my maiden name is still legally a part of my identity, and on the rare occasion that I say my full legal name, it still has the flow I'd grown to love.
As far as work, I didn't have a problem going from First Maiden to First NewLast, perhaps in part because DH works there as well, so everyone knew his name already and knew we were getting married. I did have a friend tell me that the first email I sent her after changing my "from" line almost got ignored, because she is a professor and it was the beginning of the term, so she assumed at first that I was a student hoping to add her class. I'm sure most people have weird little things like that happen, but I didn't personally have any real issues.
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussI changed my middle name to my maiden name, and I will warn you that when you go to change things they will give you a bit more grief when you do that. Some tried to tell me I needed a court order for that. Um no. I researched that beforehand thanks. So I started brining copies of the law that said that with me. Not a huge deal, but annoying at times.
As far as work, etc. I started off using my full name First Maiden Last, and gradually tapered off using the Maiden.
i dropped my maiden name completely. i didnt have any issues with people knowing who i was personally or professionally. I think on my work email right after in my signature i had put formally Christine Maiden Name and took it off after about a month or two.
I also never had a real attachment to my maiden name, i was very much looking forward to taking my husbands name
Why would friends not recognize you?
For work, I actually put a message in my signature space about how on ___ date, my name was going to change. It gave a lot of people warning. Even so, I did occasionally run into a person or two who would be like "OH- YOUR Mrs ECB! I didn't realize you had changed your name!".
But these were people I rarely interacted with (at the time, I did a lot of travel and work w/ branch offices so it was very sporadic when I'd see certain people).
But the people who I worked in the same building w/ and on a regular basis - they all "got it".
Women changing their names is something people are used to. It's really not THAT big of a deal (w/ people knowing who you are).
For the record, I dropped my maiden name. I know what it is, my family knows, my DH knows, my "old" friends all know. Keeping it as my middle name... eh. Most people I meet/know these days - they don't even know my middle name, regardless if it was my maiden name or not!
And my maiden name actually makes a good boys name and is now my DSs middle name.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Some names are not hypenated: John Fitzgerald Kennedy comes to mind. Fitzgerald was his mother's maiden name and was given as his middle name.
To be Mary Smith Jones versus Mary Jones is "about the same." People will eventually get it that this is your new name.
I ended up taking H's last name and made my maiden name my middle name (I didn't previously have a middle name). It was important to me to take H's name, but it was also important to keep my maiden name in some way, my way of honoring my father, who has passed away. I don't like hyphenating, so I went the route of making my maiden name my middle name. In my state it was a huge hassle and I had to get a court order to change my middle name, but in the end it was worth it.
At work I originally just switched my maiden name to my last name on emails, but my boss requested that I put my have my work email appear as First Maiden Last so people wouldn't get confused.
I dropped my maiden name completely. Kept my first and middle name, took DH's last name. Why wouldn't my boss know who I was because I changed my name?
And for friends I hadn't seen in a while after we first got married, I'd use my maiden name, then say well, now FirstName DH'sLastName.
I had a really easy transition. Started at the DMV with marriage certificate, then went to the SS office (if I remember correctly).
I changed my name legally to Emily Maiden HusbandName. Not hyphenated or anything. I go by just Emily HusbandName, but sometimes I wish I would have kept my given middle name. Of course, both names have meaning but it still sounds so new. PLUS, my maiden name and new last name both begin with the same letter and have two syllables/sound similar. It always reminds me of Amy Farrah Fowler on Big Bang Theory.
I heard way to many stories about changing maiden name to the middle name. I was not attached to my maiden name so it was not a big deal to change it. I was not going to hyphoniate (SP) I know I jacked that up, because my first name is 8 letters and DH last name is 8 letters and adding my 5 maiden name was like NOPE not doing it.
No one had problems with my new last name, DH and I work for the same company so a bunch of people new that we were getting married so no big deal. Now we have been married almost 4 years, everyone knows my name. My masters has my married name and my bachelors have my maiden name. I think people do not think twice about because women get married every day and chang their names.
my maiden name was Greek so it was like i couldnt wait to get rid of it, it was 11 letters and my first name is 9, AND i have a middle name, which i really dont use. So i was happy to inherit my new last name which is only 7 letters
I took my H's last name, and made my maiden name my middle name. I just couldn't give up my maiden name completely because it was such a part of my identity for so long. I do think that my name would flow better if I had kept my middle name and dropped my maiden name, but I just couldn't do it.
I will say this. Changing my last name hasn't been much of a problem, but when I changed my last name with my employer, I didn't even think to tell them my middle name had changed, so my middle initial was incorrect on all paperwork, including my insurance card. Then my doctor's office wouldn't let me change my middle initial with them because they said my name had to match my insurance card. When I changed my last name on my student loans, they told me they didn't have the authorization to change my middle initial in the system, so I still get mail with the incorrect middle initial. All of this could've been avoided if I would've just kept my original middle name.
April 20th was our 8th wedding anniversary
I just dropped the LN and kept my FN MN combo. It sounded better and I was more attached to my MN than my LN. (Due to my mom's divorce/remarriage, I was on my 3rd LN when I got married anyway.) I didn't hyphenate or anything. Just switched straight up to DH's LN.
The only problem I had was when my dad sent flowers at work to my maiden name and the secretary send them away saying no one worked there by the name. Hehe.
TeamBLT - firstly, Congrats!
I just got married on the 13th of April and am nearing the end of the name-change process. For me I was anxious to get all the logistics over with, but before we got married I knew I'd want to change my name as I wanted us to be an official family unit and I didn't mind leaving my maiden name behind so I could get a little distance from my somewhat dysfunctional family.
I'm a healthcare professional so I had a LOT of things to change (two professional licenses and two forms of professional identification cards on top of all the usual stuff). For the initial part of the transition I included my new last name as well as my old last name on paperwork, for example:
"Firstname Lastname (Maidenname)"
That helped a lot! I haven't gotten a lot of confusion around it, except for a co-worker who's been on leave for the last few weeks: she saw my new name (minus my maiden name) on something and thought "Who is THAT?! Do we have a new employee?"
Although, I couldn't find my name at a conference yesterday because I didn't think they would have changed it yet...so my co-workers aren't any more confused than I am. :P
My advice: do what works for you and make the rest of the world deal for a month.
Lastly, a word of caution: my insurance required that I put my husband on my plan within 30 days of the marriage. I'd check in on that and make two trips if I had to.