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wedding planning stressed dont know what to do
so me and my fi are getting married next summer.. we put a 500 deposit down on the venue well he did 85.00 pp thats including tax its a 5 hour reception with full open bar cake dj and flower arangements are included in the package... money is super tight for me right now as my job cut my hours.. my fi thinks its up to me to supply all this money for the wedding he said hes only paying for his "guests" the wedding is more than guests its church, limo, photographer etc he said its 2,500 is going to have to cover his end and i have to come up with the rest we are inviting 130 people but know that not all will respond we need a minimum of 100 that would be 8500 for the reception venue only if only 100 responded.
i am just fusterated that hes only willing to give me 2,500 when he has a whole lot more money than that. he could pay for the whole thing if he wanted to but he refuses to. our deposit is non refundable so we would not get the 500 back.. i am wondering if we could change our package or not i know we signed a contract but i am unsure of those things
if anyone has signed a contract with a venue and then later change the package would love some feedback
Re: wedding planning stressed dont know what to do
Don't plan a wedding you can't afford. You both need to be on board with the guest list, the budget, etc. Just because he makes more money doesn't mean he's obligated to fork it over. Sit down and hash this out. If he wants to contribute a max of $2500, and you have nothing... you have a $2500 budget to work with. Nothing more.
BUT - I hope your FI understands that once you are married it's "our money." Not just his, not just yours. Plan on some pre-marital classes so this is discussed BEFORE you get married.
This would completely rub me the wrong way. You should both be on the same page about the wedding planning. If you are paying for it yourselves, it should be relatively equal in terms of who pays what, unless one person works less or in school or whatever. Does he not want the big wedding or is he just being cheap? If that's all he is willing to contribute, does he know that you both won't be able to have a big wedding? I agree that you shouldn't have a wedding you can't afford.
As for changing the package....wouldn't you still need to give a deposit for whatever package you choose? I'm sure they would let you apply the $500 towards a different package.
You and he are engaged. In all endeavors you and he are to be a united front. You are to make all decisions together --- not just for wedding planning and its related activities, it's in the case of everything that involves a joint decision: home purchase, major purchase, how your money and his will be spent and saved, how much to spend on gifts for the holidays, who will do what household chore, etc.
He has a problem also with "our money." This is a very big red flag.
When you marry, your money and his becomes "our money." it doesn't matter if he makes X a year and you make Y a year: the money belongs to the both of you, in essence, and jointly.
Your problem isn't a contract: your problem is HIM. He can't put you over a barrel and "run a tab"! What are you, a roommate? A business client???
Put the wedding on hold --- no more plans -- and postpone the date -- and get counseling for this money problem. Make it clear that this is joint counseling and he is to go with you. I'd also make it clear that if he does not go, that's the end of the relationship altogether.
If he won't go, or goes and it's to no avail, you ain't got a snowball's chance in hell with this guy. What are you going to do when it is time to JOINTLY pay the household bills? Is he going to nickel and dime you then, too, and leave you in the lurch? I would not risk this if I were you.
Wishing you luck. let us know what happens.
This to me is also a CONTROL issue. It's also immaturity and this guy doesn't see you as an equal. THis is very bad news. He also sounds stingy and cheap and he would, I will bet, make Shylock look like a rose. Am I right?
If this wedding ever goes down, the both of you need to understand you do not buy what you cannot afford -- and none of this "we will put it on our card" bullshit.
You plan the wedding you can afford RIGHT NOW. And that's with fund the both of you contribute toward the wedding day expenses.
I think you both need to talk. Again, don't plan a wedding you can't afford. If that means cutting down the guest list or finding a new venue, then that is what it means.
There are a few things going on here. Like others have mentioned, you both need to be on the same page when it comes to money. It is both of your money and both of you decide how to spend it. Just because one person makes more, that doesn't mean they have more say. That simply isn't fair.
On the other hand, this is his wedding too. If he doesn't want to go into debt or spend a lot of money on one day, than you need to listen and consider his opinion.
In addition, if that means losing the $500 deposit than consider that an expensive lesson learned for putting down the deposit before thoroughly discussing these important issues.
I would suggest to listen to this advice and think long and hard before marrying this person. The bolded section is extremely important and it is better to do the work now before you are married.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Ditto Tarpon and Tiffany's.
I don't know how you're having such a big wedding when your budget is: you=$0, FI=$2500 ...???
And that's not even the biggest problem. I also urge you to put the wedding on hold, it doesn't sound like you two have a healthy dynamic going on, which is precisely what needs to be addressed NOW. Good luck.
Think of that "lost" $500 as a very small price to pay for your freedom.
You should be positively livid that he is behaving the way he is behaving! His behavior is not acceptable and it isn't "becoming" of a man who is supposed to be in a partnership with the woman he is going to marry.
Scrap the suggestion of counseling and just ditch this loser. How dare he lord over "his" money when he knows full well you have fallen on hard financial times. Let Daddy Warbucks keep his fabulous millions; you head for the door and head for it at breakneck speed. I'm not kidding.
I changed our wedding venue contract, I added to it though, I went from buffet to sit down dinner and added some lights. To add to contract wasn't an issue but I imagine deducting items after contract is signed might be an issue - have you read their change policies in contract ?
When you and FI sat down to discuss wedding date, guest count, was it not discussed who would pay for the wedding expenses? If money is tight for you and he knows that and is still being an idiot, I wouldn't marry him. Imagine being married, he sounds like he'd pay for HIS expenses but leave you hanging if you couldn't take care of yours
This.
It sounds as if the wedding is more imprtant to you than the marriage. Think about if you can have a successful marriage with this guy. And does he even want to get married?