Politics & Current Events
KellyBensimon
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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WP: Mother's Day Plea to Stop Equating Adoption w/Abandonment
I thought this piece was very interesting. I always try to say something when I see someone posting about a woman "giving up" her baby. That's archaic language. "Making an adoption plan" is the newer terminology that's more sensitive and less loaded.
now i know how Nancy Kerrigan felt. that's insight into SCARY ISLAND. you have no clue what really went down.
Re: WP: Mother's Day Plea to Stop Equating Adoption w/Abandonment
It matters to me. I had an adoption disrupt after five days due to lies perpetuated by a manipulative child on a power trip and agencies who didn't get the proper info. At the time we thought she was excited to come live with us, she was calling out-of-state relatives of the foster family, saying that she'd live with us until they got the paperwork done.
"Giving me up" is loaded language and should not be used because it has the whiff of negativity...
I hated the five days of motherhood, the only such days I will ever have in my life.
I am so sorry that happened to you. I can't begin to imagine the heartache...
I agree "giving me up" is loaded language. But it sounds like your situation would not have been different by a change of language.
We need to do something to make it more "cool" for women to consider adoption instead of other alternatives. Because, the are great women like you who are wanting to be Moms...and there are tons more kids like me who are waiting for women to be their Mom.
How would you do that, though? Placing a child for adoption is a terribly painful experience for many women. Women tend to choose abortion when they not only don't want a baby but they don't want to go through pregnancy, and if they choose to go through pregnancy, more women than ever are choosing to keep their own babies now that we don't have the social stigma of unwed motherhood. I'm not sure how you would really change this. I am not at all comfortable with the idea of pressuring women not to keep custody of their own wanted children.
That's very nice of you, GeraldoRivera. :-) I appreciate it.
I think that adoption is great in many instances, but in many others it's fraught on all sides. I am not looking forward to the Baby Veronica Supreme Court case. I believe the adoptive parents will lose the child.
I feel that I have to give the caveat "it's wonderful sometimes" about adoption, then go full barrel into the fact that I think that it can be a total freaking racket from the point of view of an adoptive parent.
#1 When people say "just adopt," you really just want to punch them in the face. If the "children need homes" argument is so compelling, and you should "just adopt," then all the fertiles should've adopted instead of getting pregnant.
It ticks me off when people talk about Giuliana Rancic and others should've "just adopted" instead of going the route they took. I don't blame them for having a children of their blood who wasn't mired in dysfunction and God knows what. The RAD alone can kill you and tear your life apart for eternity.
#2 I'm not kind enough, not a good Christian, to deal with what's surrounding domestic infant adoption. I wouldn't want to put out $25 grand just on faith, when you really might never adopt a child. I could financially do it, but it seems like such a risk. Then you have to worry about being scammed or being asked to pay some bsc amount of expenses---not normal expenses but this and that.
I realized too late that I was not cut out for adoption, but I won't make the same mistake again.
I hope it works out, too. The whole thing from the perspective of an adoptive parent is really scary and fraught up until the very end. I couldn't risk it when a parent could change his or her mind days after...
uggh. I just read my friend's update on Facebook. Looks like the dad really wants the kid back and it could come down to the dad's word against the mom's. He is saying that she never told him she was pregnant. The dad is a deadbeat who just came back in the picture a month ago. So I guess the baby would go back to the mom and she would wait around for child support that would never come. She said the fight in court could cost them $10,000. I'm so hoping she gets this baby because they've been wanting one forever. They already have his room ready and clothes bought.
I hope to be wrong, but from my experience, the biological relative trumps. I'd say quite honestly, and it's brutal, but their chances of having the baby are between slim and none, and Slim just left town.
I am not being flippant. I just know the rules, esp. if the baby is not yet born, which is the case, right?
That's why I could never make the leap of faith to do the domestic infant adoption. The risk of losing the child at the last minute was too great, and it happens a lot. I just got an email from my adoption worker, and every time I do, I feel terrible. It was an email simply asking if I was willing to attempt an adoption out of our county, which we did before with disastrous, traumatic results. I told her that we didn't want to close the door altogether but would probably never get to the point where we'd do it again. With older children, anything that sounds like a positive is code for something horrible. I'm shocked that it ever works. (I'm referring to code language in adoption profiles.)
I feel that when you do an older child adoption, instead of the child coming out of the dysfunction, your life is thrown into immense dysfunction, and there's no real attachment, only manipulation. Not for me, not for me. If only we could have our own kid. I am crushed that there's kid after kid after kid, just awful people in high school and former students of mine, who procreate so blithely, yet we can't. I really hate it hate it hate it.
One of her friends that also adopted said she spent $80,000 on attorney fees to fight for that baby. She said you would do anything for your kid which is true, but wow what a LOT of money.
I'm so nervous this won't end good. They got married in 2006 and didn't wait at all to start TTC. After a few months of not getting pregnant she went to the doctor where they determined she has PCOS and she started getting IVF treatments. Around that time she quit her job so her insurance stopped and they couldn't afford the treatments anymore. Then they went into foster care and they have fostered a little girl for quit some time now, but she has always wanted to adopt. she already has 3 registries online and I want to get her something off of it, but after reading about the stresses the "dad" is causing I think I may wait until the baby is in their hands for sure.
We have another friend who had no problems adopting from russia before it was stopped. They have 2 russian boys who are absolute darlings.
My first mom didn't "make an adoption plan". She was forced to "give me up" or "surrender" me for adoption. I'm allowed to use whatever term I wish to describe what happened to me. "Made and adoption plan" may sound nicer but in my case wasn't accurate. I will never sugar coat things to avoid make others uncomfortable.
The adoption industry already works very hard to maintain a steady supply of product (healthy white babies) for their customers (adopters). No one needs to do anything to make it seem "cool" to place a child for adoption. Sometimes adoption can be the best choice to a hard situation but adoption is never "cool". Even if the best of situations at least one person is experiencing a huge loss.
The article made me want to gag. It is loaded with pro-adoption bias.
I am also an adult adoptee. I think adoption is "cool', I was blessed with wonderful adoptive parents and never have had the desire to search for my birthparents (although I will always have a tremendous amount of respect for her decision). I am sorry your experience wasn't the same.
I do agree that nicer sounding words won't erase the pain that a birthparent may experience.