BNOTB
wasianbanks
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
When did "having a baby" turn into "keeping up with the Jones's?"
in BNOTB
Ugh, the premise for this board is more of a rant.
Seriously, I'm getting annoyed with my father. Most of the time he talks to me, he keeps saying awkward comments about how he wants me to get pregnant and so that he can have grandchildren. If the conversation is about health-type topics, it spirals into talk about how I should be XYZ so that I can get pregnant and give him grandchildren. I am 24 and I'm engaged. I don't feel that I want children for at least another 4 to 5 years.
This is only coming up because my stepmother's (my dad's wife, obviously) son had a baby two years ago. So the pressure is coming from my dad because he says "I want a grandchild too to compete with [insert wife's name]." It's obnoxious. My uterus is not some conveyer belt so that he can keep up with his wife. My father feels left out that my stepmother has a grandchild, but that doesn't entitle him to dictate my important life decisions. What complicates this issue further is that my father is a severe alcoholic and our relationship has had an extensive history of abuse. So EVEN IF I have children, I am like 99% that I don't want him involved in my and my fiance's children's lives.
Anyone have similar experiences?
Seriously, I'm getting annoyed with my father. Most of the time he talks to me, he keeps saying awkward comments about how he wants me to get pregnant and so that he can have grandchildren. If the conversation is about health-type topics, it spirals into talk about how I should be XYZ so that I can get pregnant and give him grandchildren. I am 24 and I'm engaged. I don't feel that I want children for at least another 4 to 5 years.
This is only coming up because my stepmother's (my dad's wife, obviously) son had a baby two years ago. So the pressure is coming from my dad because he says "I want a grandchild too to compete with [insert wife's name]." It's obnoxious. My uterus is not some conveyer belt so that he can keep up with his wife. My father feels left out that my stepmother has a grandchild, but that doesn't entitle him to dictate my important life decisions. What complicates this issue further is that my father is a severe alcoholic and our relationship has had an extensive history of abuse. So EVEN IF I have children, I am like 99% that I don't want him involved in my and my fiance's children's lives.
Anyone have similar experiences?
Re: When did "having a baby" turn into "keeping up with the Jones's?"
Go all parental on him...
"And if stepmom's son jumped off a bridge, should I do that, too?"
I have said this numerous times but it astounds me that others feel they have a say in the family planning of others.
This is definitely the first I have heard of this particular scenario, I agree with pps. I would be honest and tell your father that this will be the last time you will be discussing your family planning with him. I would also be sure to let him know that having a baby is not a contest or an opportunity to 'one-up' his wife, having a child is a life-long commitment that requires planning and the agreement between both partners.
The closest I have gotten to this experience are my grandparents saying we should hurry and have kids before it became 'too difficult' for me because of my advanced age (28) and I was the only one of the married grands that had denied them the right to have more great-grandchildren.