Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Community theater while married - is kissing ok?
Hello, I have a friend who is getting into community theater and has been offered a role in a performance - there's a scene in which her character has to kiss her male stage-partner. My friend's husband is extremely upset that she's even considering taking this role, and it has sparked a lot of conversation on whether or not it's "cheating" if it's in the name of art. Add to that, if one is ok with stage-kissing, do you draw the line at kissing on stage, or are other types of romantic scenes ok?
I'm interested in your (and your spouse's) thoughts on this. Personally, I think my friend's husband is overreacting, since it seems to me that acting isn't real life and it's for a higher art. But I can see his point. I've also listened to actors talk about having partners who support their art no matter the type of role, so it's an interesting conundrum.
Re: Community theater while married - is kissing ok?
Your friend's husband sounds like a 5 year old. an immature 5 year old!
Really kissing in a play is cheating?
My spouse just lol and said no, it wouldn't bother him at all because he is a grown, educated man, not a jealous little boy.
I do community theatre. I haven't been in this position before, but I have talked to DH about it, and he doesn't care. Because it's not real.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
Your friend's H is over reacting. He needs to calm down and see it for what it is: a role in a show.
I think this is more of an issue concerning the husband's sense of security. At this point, my fiance could have a love scene on stage and I really wouldn't care. What's important is that your friend still goes back to her husband at night. What really should be a concern to the husband is how your friend (his wife) is going to feel about him if he starts to set limits on her opportunities because of his insecurity.
I literally laughed out loud at this title. I do community theater and my husband lovingly support that passion of mine. To think he'd OBJECT to me doing an innocent part of my scripted role is beyond imagination.
For someone who participates in art, how can you marry someone who objects to the art you love? I think that's setting yourself up for disaster.
Personally I think he's overreacting. It's acting. Not cheating.
My opinion aside, if he's upset she has to take his feelings into consideration. If she can't talk him into it, she needs to not do it. Her marriage should be more important than a amateur performance.
Also? If you absolutely have to dignify the "OMG, SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN!!!!!" mentality with a response (Which, seriously, it's acting. You really don't): Most guys that do community theatre aren't looking to steal somebody's wife/girlfriend.
Yes, there are guys out there that might want to move in, but for the most part whomever she'd end up kissing will be professional enough to know that the "romantic" relationship begins and ends within the fourth wall ... if they're even into vaginas (It may not be the most PC thing to say, but seriously).
As for the minority of creeps out there that would see no problem with hitting on a co-star, if another actor gets fresh with her, it's not like she can't say "Back off, mister" or let the director know what's going on.
If your friend's husband trust his wife, there's absolutely no reason why this should be an issue.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
My fiance is an opera singer, and he's had a few roles now that have required him to do romantic scenes of some sort. The first time this happened while we were dating, it was really difficult. The idea of seeing him on stage with someone else wasn't fun or easy, regardless of how "not real" it was. Fast forward to now, and it's a total non-issue, but only because we were able to talk about it openly and make our feelings known, and because we trust and respect each other. He always knew it was part of the job, but I had to catch up.
It's not fair to say that someone needs to grow up or stop overreacting to something that he or she is completely unfamiliar with or whose gut reaction is telling them something bad. What I would suggest to your friend is to not be dismissive about the whole thing, but instead talk it out with her husband and respect his feelings on the issue, so long as he's respecting her art form.
I'll admit that my husband kissing and/or making out with another woman as part of a play / movie / tv show would make me jealous. I know that it is irrational, but there it is.
I would hope that we could talk about it openly and honestly so that I would feel more comfortable about it. It would probably help if he told me all about what a complete cow this other woman was, her boobs are completely fake and her breath smells like old fish. And if he bought me presents. Lots and lots of presents, lol.
I think that this thing in general is and should be a non-issue. As long as you're not Jennifer Anniston, I guess.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Thanks for all the replies, everyone!
I'll share the board with my friend and hope that, if she decides to share it with her husband, it'll spark a conversation between them that shows flexibility on both sides, his toward trust, and hers toward understanding.