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Tired of doing everything.....
I don't know if I'm in a rut or what, but I am getting tired of doing or being the one who starts all the daily household chores. I have tired everything to get my husband to help out without me having to ask him for help, but I just don't know what to do anymore. If I leave the laundry, the garbage can overfill, or let the house cleaning go, it either gets piled up or he calls me and asks me to start the laundry or cleaning.
I have suggested we make a chart up and to mark off when projects are completed each week, suggested we make a menu up for the week to help us with dinner plans, asked him to just do his laundry and nothing helps. He tells me after I do the task he was going to get to it, but I have tried letting things go and nothing works.
We work about the same amount of hours, my jobs is more mental and his job is more physical, so its not like either one of us is over worked.
I need help before I get too frustrated!!!
Re: Tired of doing everything.....
Okay. I was with you until you said he calls you and asks you to clean when it gets behind. That would get him in big trouble in my house.
My DH doesn't notice house things. Ever. He actually pointed to a vacant crack house on COPS the other night and said, "See! THAT house needs cleaning. Ours is always fine." So I do the bulk of the cleaning simply because I notice things and am bothered by them LONG before it would ever occur to him that it's an issue. But he knows better than to ask me to do shizz. He's aware that if he feels something needs attention and I haven't gotten to it yet, he can do it himself or keep his danged mouth shut.
Once when I was fed up with him, we kept a notebook on the counter, one page open for each of us. Every time we did something house related (dishes, laundry, etc.) we would write it on the list. After 1 day he started helping out more when he realized my page was full and his was empty. I never had to say a word.
I think what you do here is choose your battles and then sit him down (when you're both fine and not stressed) and talk to him very non-confrontationally. "I know you mean to help but a lot of times I feel like I'm taking on the bulk of the chores, which is frustrating to me. I'd like to spend more time just enjoying each other but can't because I always have a never ending list of things to get done first. If we took care of that stuff together it would go faster and we'd have more time for x,y and z." That type of thing. Then negotiate who does what chores. Then when he does them (be it 2 days late or not that way you would have) say nothing but thank you.
Look- some people don't "see" what needs to be done and if a simple "hey, honey, could you do ___ for me?" results in a "Sure!" and they get up and do it ... eh, roll with it.
BUT in your situation? He clearly SEES that stuff needs to be done but instead of doing it, he asks YOU to do it?
Again - WTF? You need to get pissed at him. You are his WIFE. Not his mommy. Stuff needs to be cleaned? Then he can step up and fricking do his share.
And be clear on this- I would fix this now (or figure out IF it can be fixed) before you have kids w/ this man. Because TRUST ME - you don't get things to change? You'll be doing all this AND also taking care of the baby while he sits around and picks his nose.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
what? Is he gone more than you are?
Did this man child ever have to clean up after himself before you got married? I find it baffling that he can't take out an overflowing garbage can or do his own laundry. Why did you marry this kind of man anyways?
Stop doing stuff for him ASAP. You are not his mother, you are his wife. He doesn't need to HELP you with the chores, he needs to contribute to them because you are both equal members of this partnership and household.
him "honey, the laundry needs to be done"
you "well you had better start it then, the washer is right behind you"
him"honey the trash can is full"
you "well you had better take it out, you will find trashbags under the sink"
otherwise, just clean up after yourself, he sounds like a ***