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Newlyweds with slow sex life.
Hey all,
I have been married now for two months and my husband and I are having issues in the bedroom. We lived together for a year before we got married, and this should have just made it better, but now he is working 70 hour weeks and is always extremely tired and not in the mood as he puts it. I am very sexual, like to dress up and would like it everyday, however I put a limit on the amount of times I ask as I do not like to be turned down as much as I do. I would even walk around nude or kiss his neck, etc. and still he will tell me he is just not in the mood. I am not sure if it is the stress of starting a family or what, but I can not live like this. We will have sex max 2 or 3 times a week. That is if I am lucky.
He tells me I am just pressuring him to much. If I don't ask him or say anything I feel as though nothing would happen. Am I wrong to ask once every other day or should we see someone. What should my next move be, because I feel as though I am not getting through to him when I get upset because he turns me down. Thank you for looking.
Re: Newlyweds with slow sex life.
YOu need to sit down with him and talk to him about this problem. This is what being partners is about: you discuss it like 2 adults and you and he jointly work on a solution.
Twice a week is great! How about masturbation for you? Your arms didn't drop off when this problem began, I assure you.:)
Try this: when you are in the shower, invite him in --- or you jump in with him. Let nature take its course.:)
I also suggest the nice-hot-bath-for-2 solution! How can you go wrong with that? Make up a nice hot bath, add some music and candlelight and some munchies and wine and invite him in with you.
This. He is working a lot and being tired and stressed sounds valid. Stop TTC, he works too much to be much help with a family so why add that stress. How long will this pace keep up?
Every couple has ups and downs and this sounds like one of those times. BTW kids decrease your sex life. It's hard to have sex while your kid is awake, leaving a small window of time before you need to sleep.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
So you are not officially ttc but you still say it's the stress of starting a family.
Which one is it???
What you 2 need to do:
Sit down and discuss why he "needs" to work 2 jobs if you and he are perfectly solvent with just one of his salaries coming in.
This may be another problem altogether: he may be running away from the fact he is married -- hence, his "having" to work all those hours -- or he may simply be hung up on the importance of the guy being the provider and breadmaker.
If you do not need the money and you and he are fine with just his salary from one job and yours, from one job, he needs to quit those jobs. If he's got extra energy and he still wants something to do, he can find things to do with you: dance lessons, vounteering for a good cause, taking an adult school class with you, etc.
If he says no to quitting the job despite the fact you've said otherwise, you've got an even bigger problem on your hands. GL.
Why does he feel like he needs to work so much? That would be the first thing I would try to figure out. Does he feel like he needs to in order to make ends meet? He should not be working so much.
As far as your question, I don't think you have a slow sex life, imo. 2-3 times a week seems pretty average to me, that's how much DH and I usually have it, and we are both satisfied with our sex life. I am almost certain the reason he doesn't want sex as often is because the man is exhausted. I am actually surprised you get it as much as you do.
**6.30.12** I have found the one whom my soul loves.
Yep. I'm trying to come up with anyone I can think of who would consider 2-3 times a week a slow sex life and I'm coming up empty. I think this is about work, not sex.
I am sorry, but when a guy is working 70 hours a week he is tired and stressed out which is a mood killer. I should know I did 50 hours a week work while going taking 10 credit hours at college.
If this is a temporary thing then things should improve once he reduces his hours. Also, once you have children you can pretty much say good buy to daily sex.
I tend to have a higher sex drive then my wife but she understands if I have too much work stress or other things going on and I also understand when she is just not in the mood because of our child etc.
My H works 70+ hours a week also, and has for the past 3 years. We still have sex close to every other day. We just take advantage of the days he is off. I also never push him to do it on a weeknight. He goes to bed around 8-9pm, and is up at 3am for work. So we will go for it around 5pm while dinner is cooking, or when he gets in the shower. But we have communicated what our needs are, and what is possible with his schedule. Do not push him to do this more than he feels like it, or it will begin to feel like a chore to him and another thing on his "to-do" list.
Also, what is wrong with doing things yourself? If you would like it every night, then do it yourself on the nights where he is exhausted.
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system.
Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340 Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
Riley Elaine born 2/16/15
TTC 2.0 6/15
Chemical Pregnancy 9/15
Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
BFP 9/16 EDD 6/3/17
Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548
www.5yearstonever.blogspot.com
Wow. I just can't even wrap my head around this. I don't mean that in a bad way - just in a 'this would never work for me' way. If I'm making dinner, then I'm making dinner and trying to get it done. If I'm showering, then I'm trying to shower and get it done. I can't even think about sex until all the necessaries of every day are done.
OP - it sounds like your husband has a lot on his plate. Pushing him and being sad that 2-3 times a week isn't enough means that he will start to think of sex as a chore and not something fun. Tread carefully.