Wedding/Gift Thank You Cards

ccavness

Hey Everyone, 

Wanted to know if you hand wrote a message to your guests or had a typed out message for your guests on your thank you cards? Mine said thank you for coming and thank you for your gift.

 My MIL recently emailed to tell me I should have hand written a message to each guests but I honestly didn't know before I sent out the cards. My mom is not well, and really did not help me or teach me about what the proper way to do the thank you cards.Should I re-write cards for everyone  and send them out? It's only been 2.5 months since the wedding. 

 Thanks in advance.  

Apollo11235

We hand-wrote ours and specifically named the gifts received in each note, which I think is pretty common practice. I learned that when I started writing thank-you cards for birthday gifts when I was like 7, and I was reminded when poking around on the knot while planning our wedding. As far as I'm concerned, your mother's illness has absolutely nothing to do with your ability to be polite to your guests.

I would be offended if we got a typed, super-generic thank you for a wedding gift, but not as offended as I've been by the people who just never sent thank-yous.

In your situation, I'm honestly not sure what to say. The notes you sent, in my opinion, are better than nothing. That said, I'm sure most people would appreciate a second, more personal note, and that's probably a good idea. But do you acknowledge the previous note and apologize for it? I feel like that's kind of awkward. 

ccavness

I never had birthday parties as a child because my mother was always sick and in and out of psychiatric facilities. 

 

I hand wrote messages for the bridal shower but when we did the stationary for the wedding, they had suggested that we do this. I feel like apologizing would be the best thing to do if I did write another pair of notes.  

Apollo11235

ccavness:

I never had birthday parties as a child because my mother was always sick and in and out of psychiatric facilities. 

I'm sorry to hear that, and I'm also sorry to hear that whoever made your stationery thought an identical note for everyone was okay. I still maintain that your mother's illness is not an excuse. Are people who grew up entirely without mothers exempt from basic etiquette? Nope, and neither are you.

BulgariHeart

I hand wrote a personalized message on every thank you note. Honestly, I'd feel bad telling you to do them all over, a typed out thank you is better than none at all. Plus it would be weird to receive a second card for the same event, maybe call your guests to once again thank them in person? 

dancingphalanges

I sent each guest or family a handwritten, personalized thank you note.  I would not call you rude for not realizing this one bit of etiquette, though, especially since you are concerned with making it right.  I would send out another thank you, this time handwritten and personalized to the guest, especially since it hasn't been that long since the wedding.  You can reference the previous note if you'd like.  

kipnus

I think it would be weird to send out a second batch of thank you cards now, but in the future, thank you cards should be handwritten and personalized.

EastCoastBride

kipnus:

I think it would be weird to send out a second batch of thank you cards now, but in the future, thank you cards should be handwritten and personalized.

I agree.  As much as it pains me that you sent out generic, preprinted thank you's, I'd find it really odd to get a 2nd thank you. 

MrsS728

We hand wrote our thank you cards and had them out within 2 months of the wedding. My cousin who got married 2 months before my wedding (they just celebrated their 1st wedding anniversary) never sent out thank yous and the whole family is annoyed....especially since it was a destination wedding (48 hour fly by).

Kimbus22

Thank you notes should always be hand written.  I mean, a pre-typed unpersonalized message is better than noting but only just barely.  I'd hand write them new notes and send them out.

doglove

I hand wrote mine. 

mrsB68

I actually think a combination would be good.

If you're going to see someone over the summer I wouldn't send a second note but instead when you see them next I would make a point to bring up what they gave you and thank them about it specifically.

For those which you won't see and don't talk to (or email) now and again I would probably send a second note with an "update" on the present if you can. For example, if someone gave you a comforter tell them how it's on the bed and how much you really are enjoying it.

If you email the person or are friends with them on a social network instead of sending a note in the mail I would just send a note however you normally converse with them eluding to how much you're enjoying the gift. For example, facebook a friend and say "just thinking of you, we had dinner on the beautiful china you gave us last night".

I think this way it doesn't come across as strange, but more that you're continuing to think about the present and appreciate their gift to you guys for the wedding. Either way, don't sweat it, do you even remember what the last thank you card you got said? Everyone knows wedding thank yous are a chore!

Good luck  

Melissa51212

I hand wrote mine, however I received a ton of ones with just their photo and a thank you.  I don't think anyone is really going to judge you, I know I don't as long as I get one. I would not send out other one I think that would come across as odd. Most people look at them and throw them out. I wouldn't worry too much about it. These people you invited to your wedding should be your closet friends and family, they should know you didn't do it to be rude. 

cakergirl

mrsB68:

I actually think a combination would be good.

If you're going to see someone over the summer I wouldn't send a second note but instead when you see them next I would make a point to bring up what they gave you and thank them about it specifically.

For those which you won't see and don't talk to (or email) now and again I would probably send a second note with an "update" on the present if you can. For example, if someone gave you a comforter tell them how it's on the bed and how much you really are enjoying it.

If you email the person or are friends with them on a social network instead of sending a note in the mail I would just send a note however you normally converse with them eluding to how much you're enjoying the gift. For example, facebook a friend and say "just thinking of you, we had dinner on the beautiful china you gave us last night".

I think this way it doesn't come across as strange, but more that you're continuing to think about the present and appreciate their gift to you guys for the wedding. Either way, don't sweat it, do you even remember what the last thank you card you got said? Everyone knows wedding thank yous are a chore!

Good luck  

 

Yay!  I think this is the best advice on here.  It offers a more personal acknowledgement of each gift without the wierdness of a second set of notes.l. too late for that.

 To the OP: I would consider maybe acknowledging the gifts whenever you send out Christmas/holiday cards this year.  If you don't send them out, then just send some this year anyway and be sure to write in there something "Dear Aunt Jenny and Uncle Kevin, I hope all is well with you this holiday season!  I just wanted to thank you again for the knife set.  They have been very useful around the kitchen.  Hope to see you soon.  Happy holidays!"

 

To everyone else : Some people aren't blessed to have parents with all the social graces and the ability to  throw a "proper" birthday party with proper invitations and thank you notes.  And not everyone spends hours drooling over wedding magazines and websites.  Who cares. It sounds like the poor girl just didn't know what the ettiquette was, realized the err of her ways, and would like to correct it.  Those you you poopooing her are no more polite than the people who don't send out thank you notes at all.  I was always taught not to be rude and that its rude to point out the etiquette flaws of others even if you are minding your own manners.  Yes I know she asked for advice but being rude about it and telling her all the reasons why she "should have known better " doesn't help.

Apollo11235

I second MrsB's suggestions.

eywj:

To everyone else : Some people aren't blessed to have parents with all the social graces and the ability to  throw a "proper" birthday party with proper invitations and thank you notes.  And not everyone spends hours drooling over wedding magazines and websites.  Who cares. It sounds like the poor girl just didn't know what the ettiquette was, realized the err of her ways, and would like to correct it.  Those you you  her are no more polite than the people who don't send out thank you notes at all.  I was always taught not to be rude and that its rude to point out the etiquette flaws of others even if you are minding your own manners.  Yes I know she asked for advice but being rude about it and telling her all the reasons why she "should have known better " doesn't help.

Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure "everyone else" is just how you like to say "that one rude PP, Apollo." Do you think you have a fair picture of my upbringing and wedding porn tendencies based on my admission that I had a 7th birthday party and was a member of the knot while engaged?

Honestly though, I agree with your assessment of the OP's situation/intentions, and I didn't intend to be rude at all. I simply meant to offer my interpretation of common etiquette, then state that I didn't see the relevance of her mother's health given that there are all kinds of polite people out there with all kinds of family histories, and finish with my thoughts on how she might be able to rectify the situation - though granted, I didn't have a solution. Good thing MrsB came along! I understand that I could have been more sensitive when I saw that she had clearly missed my (apparently mal-articulated) point. We all make mistakes. I apologize if I offended you, OP.

Btw, I like how you just did the very thing you're saying was rude of me by pointing out that you thought it was rude. The difference? She's the only one who asked for advice.