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need some advice..sorry its long
I am a little new around here but I need some advice. I don't have anyone to turn to so here I am.
I have been with my fiance for a little over 2 and a half years. Everything has been going super good or so I thought. I was looking through the phone records because a lot of minutes were getting used and I wanted to see why. I found out that he was calling a certain number all the time. I called the number and it turns out to be this woman that I used to know.
I don't really know this woman very well so I became suspicious. I asked my fiance about it and he said that they have been friends for a really long time and nothing was going on. He wouldn't look me in the eyes so I knew he was lying. I asked him to stop talking to her. He did for a long time.
I decided to install a tracker on his phone. I wanted to make sure that he was telling me the truth. He was until recently. The tracker that I installed records all phone calls.
He started calling her again and I have it all recorded. Him telling her that he loves her and that they have to be careful. There is some other stuff but it isn't very appropriate or things I want to repeat.
I confronted him about it but he denies it. He tried making me look like I was crazy. I honestly don't know what to do. I know I should probably leave but a part of me doesn't. I want to make it work. I do. I just don't know how.
Re: need some advice..sorry its long
You want to make it work? Really? Why? He's cheating on you and has been. For awhile!
This is who he is. Even when caught, he still went back and is continuing this "affair". Again - this is who he is. He's showing you loud and clear.
If you stay with him ,then you are signing up for alife of not trusting him. Good luck w/ that.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
How do you not know what to do?!
He is cheating on you AND YOU HAVE PROOF!
You may want it to work, but it is obvious that he does not feel the same way.
Leave his sorry butt and move on with your life.
Leave this relationship while you still have some dignity. Take it from someone who spent long period of time with the wrong men, there is someone out there who will treat you well and give you the life you deserve. It is easier financially and emotionally to end an engagement rather than a marriage.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Well, ya sure know that you do not need to step outside to see if it is raining.
Show him the door, cancel the wedding and cancel HIM.
You know the definition of friend. A friend is somebody you can count on, who does good things for you, who is loyal and stands by you no matter what --- this chick is no "friend."
Even if he is only *talking* to her, his behavior is not appropriate and not reflective of a man who is supposed to be happily engaged and getting ready for a future with you. A decent man who is engaged does not indulge in anything inappropriate with another woman and this is as inappropriate as it gets.
Do not, above all, marry this guy. he is telling you loud and clear that he does not want to have a one on one committed relationship with you and you alone.
Wishing you the best -- even if the guy is a cheating SOB it never is easy to break up with somebody.
There's got to be somebody you can stay with -- an aunt, an uncle, a college friend, a granmother or a coworker? Above all, don't stay with him.
By gentleman's agreement, he needs to leave and you can stay in the dwelling you shared with him. This way, you won't be locked out in the cold.
Look, if you have to install a tracker on his phone there really is no hope for this relationship. I wonder why you are hanging on to this guy. Do you know there are a gazillion more men out there who won't cheat on you?
Please get yourself into individual therapy ASAP.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Yes!
Move on. This isn't the kind of man to have a future with, build a home with and make babies with. He will give you nothing but a lifetime of misery.
Leave him and talk to a counselor about why you have such low standards for yourself.
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussTry your best to pick up more hours at your current job. Also look for more work so you can support yourself and not rely on someone else to pay the bills.
When you can't live with your mom anymore, look for roomates. That can really help with paying the bills.
Maybe take a class at a trade school or community college and start building up your resume.
Bottom Line : Do what you have to do in order to be independent.
A good general rule of thumb is to never marry someone if you feel like you need to install a tracker on their phone.
Leave. Be glad you found out before leaving involved a divorce attorney.
Sweetie, I know you feel like you owe him because He has helped you in the past. But listen, you DON'T owe him ANYTHING! He cheated/still is cheating on YOU! He's the one who owes you! If this has been going on for this long...I'm ABSOLUTELY positive that He Will NEVER change. He needs to leave your house, and find somewhere else to live, you should not have to leave. You aren't the one who did wrong! Kick him OUT. You have EVERY right too. As for, if you're pregnant. Don't worry, you'll be an awesome Mom. You'll be everything that baby ever needs, and what that baby needs...is for you to be happy. What's best for Mommy is always what's best for her children. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here you can add me on facebook if you'd like. Http://www.facebook.com/janiegdawson/
Http://www.facebook.com/groups/gettinghealthywithjanie/
He tried to make you feel crazy...when you had a recording? I mean, even if he wasn't cheating on you, that alone would be horrible...you have hard evidence and he won't come out and confess. He has to have his way despite the facts...
I wish you luck in figuring out your situation. A lot of luck. If you're in LA, downtown is cheaper and has gotten better...
Wow! Sounds just like my ex-husband. Believe me, you DON'T want to stay. It won't get any better. Especially if he's denying it and making you feel like you are crazy. My ex did the exact same thing, even though I had the text messages to prove it. You will feel much better once you move on. If you decide to stay, all you will do is worry if he's telling the truth and if he's still talk to "her".