Friends having babies, you're not..has it changed friendships for you?

boston bride

Hi,

 

My husband and I are not interested in having kids. Most of my friends are having children, have them or are planning on it. I am a little afraid of whats to come to our social life.  Will we be all alone, with no one to hang with?  

Has anyone been through this and has it changed friendships?  How did you deal or keep things the same?

 

Thanks!

BeckyOff

It definitely changes.  I've lost most of my good friends to the motherhood.    On the other hand, if they were that good of friends, we'd still be friends???

 I have precious few friends who are willing to leave the kids with dad to hang out at all.  What surprised me the most is that even when I asked if I could bring lunch over to their house and play with their kid, they still made excuses for why it wouldn't work.

Maybe it's just me???

I'm trying to keep in touch with some on the off chance that things improve when the kids get older... but I'm not holding my breath.

Lesley&Prakash

My husband and I are in the not interested in having kids camp and the majority of our friends have kids.  Our social life with said friends still exists but it's changed.  Instead of what would have been a typical night out it's turned into hanging out at their house.  If we want to plan going out together, it has to be planned weeks in advance.  DH and I have enjoyed becoming professional "aunt and uncle."  

 

ashleybunny8

We didn't hang out with friends when they still had a little baby, but started doing things with them again when their LO reached 2 1/2 -3 years old. Like PP mentioned, we hang out at their house after they put LO to bed or plan nights out weeks in advance so they can get a sitter.

Melissa51212

I feel like my friends have the baby plague and I am in protective gear haah...but we make it work. It changes and we still hang out way more with our few friends who are no kids but it a lot planning in advance and willing to understand their life is totally changed. 

raulraiy

Many of my friends also have kids, I feel the relationship toward more and more closer between them and me, though my wife is not pragnant yet. Be honest, there is little change of their life style, some activities which we've joined may now they would decline to join in.

KonaCoffeeBean

In the past year, my group of friends have been having babies like crazy. I don't think it has changed the friendships much at all. At first, obviously, they've just had a major medical event, and aren't up for leaving the house much. But after that, we still get together pretty often. Small things have changed, like they may go home earlier than in the past, but nothing that has affected the friendship.

dancingphalanges

Most of my friends and all of my siblings (including my younger sister) have children, so DH and I are probably the only couple within our social circle that doesn't have children.  We don't plan on having them for awhile--if ever (we are enjoying our freedom and just being together, and that may never change)--and we get a lot of comments about when we are planning to conceive, since on the surface it would seem we are ready for them.  I think it has changed our friendships, in that many of the social engagements are geared around the kids or include them.  We do still spend time with them without the children, but it isn't as often as before.  We do still connect with our friends and I completely understand that they have their children to look after, but yes, it has changed.  DH and I are a more introverted couple anyway, though, so we don't mind going out just the two of us if our friends aren't available. 

Malvagia

My best friend started having kids years ago and I hardly get to see her.  If I do I have to go to her house.

My other friend does hang out with me but prefers to bring her kids along which limits what we can talk about.  I'm in my early thirties and it's hard to meet people my age without kids.

jessica290

DH and I aren't planning on ever having kids and most of our friends now have kids. Things have changed for sure. We used to out to bars, eachothers houses, but now we get the ocassional phone call just to check in. We've been invited over 2 of our friends houses for the kids-bday parties or just to hang out which is fine, but it's def not the same. Although we never invite them over either bcuz we have an ankle biter dog and no toys for the kids...bad excuse I guess, I'm just not a kid person. We have 2 couples left- 1 doesn't plan on having kids but we only see them once every 2-3 months, and another couple who we used to be really close with but since she became a teacher and got engaged last year (they are getting married this fall), we hardly see them anymore and they do plan on having kids eventually.

So overall, I know hubby's bummed about the whole change, but I'm fine with it as I am very close with my family and I don't mind it being the 2 of us. We do find ourselves bored a lot, but you get used to it. I guess we could make more effort......but I'm over it.

ef24tg24

Many people love babies much than their partner!

ef24tg24

Maybe,they will spend more time on the babies!

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prettygirl06

Not all of our friends have kids but the majority do. I think at a certain level most 'do' change but it is to be expected. Obviously we don't hang until the wee hours of the morning or do trips/events with them on a whim.

In saying that dh and I now see (more than ever) how great a decision we made in not having kids. We typically plan weekend getaways on a whim, we stay out as late as we want, and sleep in on the weekends. Our friends with kids envy that but are happy with their decisions. We know that scheduling is a must for them and we don't gripe about their availability. I have noticed that sometimes conversations can turn to, 'Oh my goodness, Jakey did THE cutest thing today!" I usually don't mind because I understand how the dynamics of a family can change.

We haven't gotten the boot nor have we given our friends one. I love having a variety of friends, those with kids and those without! 

boston bride

Thank you! Great insight! It is good to have a variety of friends. I just plan on being their for my friends that are new moms and hopefully our friendships will still be there!

bishopreid

Well my friends are are young, and they dont have kids but i feel as though we see them and spend time with them less then we do our friends with kids. my friends are caught up in their bf. my honeys friends most all have kids and while things did change they didnt get crazy, like we still hangout with them. a few currently have pregnant gf's, and i feel they are harder to hangout with while their woman are pregnant then they were when they just had their kids.  

queenofhearts1728

boston bride said:

Hi,

 

My husband and I are not interested in having kids. Most of my friends are having children, have them or are planning on it. I am a little afraid of whats to come to our social life.  Will we be all alone, with no one to hang with?  

Has anyone been through this and has it changed friendships?  How did you deal or keep things the same?

 

Thanks!

I don't plan on having kids.  My close friends will still make some time for me, but it's not nearly as frequent as it once was.  I'm OK with that though as I've become kind of a home-body lately.

The only thing that has been putting pressure on my friendships is my friends thinking I will change my mind of having kids.  Sometimes they'll ask when, sometimes they'll make offhanded comments about "when YOU have kids....." etc. It's really hard to explain WHY i don't want them when they've never felt that way.

gpeeples

I'm not ready for kids yet, but I do want them eventually.  I'm on the other end of the situation.  I only have a few close friends, and NONE of them want children.  It kind of scares me that when we are ready to have children, we might end up drifting away from our friends, especially since most of our hang-outs include drinking.  I'm hoping when I eventually have kids, my friends will understand that I won't really be able to go to the bar with them as much, and maybe they can learn to tolerate my children.

CowgirlK39

We are kind of in the in between stage. We do not have kids yet but will some day, and are basically homebodies. Our close friends do not have kids and mostly aren't even married. The couple we hang out with the most is actually older than us and have teen/adult children who are rarely there when we are. BUT we do have one friend who is dating a girl with a son, and she brings him and her nieces/nephews to things without telling us. She just shows up with kids and then expects everyone to entertain them. It's stuff like this that makes me wish she would just stay home and "be a mom" instead of doing what she does. Then we have some friends who get mad at us because we do not go out and party like we are 21. I think when people aren't in the same mode, it changes everything, and no matter how close you are, you just don't have the same things in common.

irishprincess331

It changes them. They won't be available, and with my friends I pretty much only can text with them or occasionally see them if I go to them. Its very hard, I no longer can try and plan a Saturday night(or any night) out with my girl friends. When my husband goes away I am literally all alone besides my dogs because no one will or can go out!

NoneForUs

Some of my friendships changed because they women became very condescending and smug just because they had kids. They changed their mind about being childfree. 

One of them gladly took all of the extensive help and support I offered during her pregnancies and miscarriage, yet when I needed support during some health issues, she was suddenly too busy with her children. I ended that friendship because I don't appreciate users and takers. 

I have other friends with children and even though we rarely see each other, we keep in touch and that is good enough for me. Just the fact that they make the effort means so much. I'm also glad that these friends do not give me a hard time about being childfree. 

Knottie41058335

I want to have kids eventually, but not for a few more years. People around here seem to start having babies young, so most of my friends are pregnant or have kids.

It's definitely changed things a lot and I hardly see some of my friends because of it. They all make new mommy friends that they do things with.
One of my childhood best friends had a baby a few months ago but has consistently made the effort to still hang out. Even if we might not see each other all the time, she hasn't completely dropped off the earth like lots of other moms I know.

dutchgirl76

We don't have any kids and don't plan on having any. I feel like we don't get invited to as much including kid birthday parties which is weird to me. We like other people's kids, just don't want any of our own. I understand parents are busy, but I don't get why they tend to hang out with other parents when they get a break for a night out, we'd love to see you too.