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Being a good friend?
My 1st serious bf and 1st love and i broke up 7 years ago after a 5 year relationship and engagement.Same on his end for relationship and love. I ended the relationship due to having that feelinbg like it just wasn't going to work. He was a wonderful man and someone I shared so much with and did love, but not in the right way. However, I just couldn't see a future. I met my now husband 6 months later and after 3 years we were married. We have been married 4 years and i couldn't be happier. My ex and I have a forever connection since we were so important to each other and keep in touch about once a year thru a brief email or phone call. Mainly updating each other on major life news or sharing a funny memory. My husband knows we're distant friends because of such an intense past as is 100% ok with it. We even met up with his family last summer on a vacation. My husband thinks it's great we can all be friends. I'm blessed to have such an incredible husband.
However, my ex is recently seperated from his wife of 2 years and now I feel like he is looking for more. He still has fb pictures of us up, o fb you can be the devil sometimes! and when we were talking last week he was bringing up some things that just weren't appropriate in my book. Talking about past romantic experiences we had and if we saw each other and things were different we could pick right back up.
I can see how much he is hurting from his speration because i know the type of person he is. I want to be a friend to him because all his friends walked out on him after the seperation. He was an amazing friend to me when we broke up and even when i met my husband he encouraged me to go for it. I really feel like he needs a friend, but I want to be sure I'm doing the right thing. any thoughts?
Re: Being a good friend?
Doglove is correct, a yearly email does not constitute a friendship. He clearly does not respect your marriage or he would not be talking inappropriately. Leave him in the past, you should not be there for him at all. Chances are if his friends really left him due to the break up then he did something to deserve that treatment. You do not know this guy, you know the much younger version. Leave this relationship in the past and more forward with your life.
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He is testing you, feeling you out and possibly grooming you for an affair. This is no friend and no matter how lonely and sad he might be, this is still unacceptable. If anything you should be insulted, not feeling sorry for him. What he said was highly inappropriate and he should have kept those thoughts to himself.
Nothing good would come from staying in contact with him.
This isn't a friend, he is a past love and for the health of your marriage it belongs in the past.
Well think of it this way. If he truly has lingering feelings for you, then the best thing for him to be able to move on is for you to be out of the picture.
By continuing to be a " good friend" you are just delaying the inevitable.