My husband and I will be married for two years in October and we are expecting our first child in July this year. We could not be happier!! My MIL lives an hour away from us and has just bought a new house and moved into it. We are buying her old house and we are planning on moving in September. We will be about 20 mins from my MIL, 1 hour from my parents, and 1 hour from my FIL. My mom is taking it very hard and keeps trying to make me feel guilty. (Whether she is doing it intentionally I do not know). She keeps making comments of that I will be close to my husbands family now and wont be close to her, she wont ever get to see the baby, she is just sad not mad,etc. We currently live in my parents other house, so I have also heard the comments of your dad has done so much to fix up that house and now you are just going to leave. Those comments hurt and they hurt to be quite honest. She has got to understand this is what we want. How do you deal with clingy parents that aren't open to any change at all? I dont want to be mean or hurtful to her but its not fair how she is making me feel about moving. I really wish she would just say Im happy for you, I want you to be happy, etc. I dont know if it is all the horomones from being pregnant but this really does upset me. Any advice would be so much appreciated!!!
Re: Moving 1 hour away
Well I think it is great that you can recognize that your mom is being unfair.
If I were you, I would be ok with that fact that your mom is sad that you moved away. That's ok. She is allowed to be sad about it. However, that doesn't mean the burden is on you to make her happy. You have to do what is best for your own little family. If that means being an hour away, so be it. Your priorities are your husband and your child, not your parents.
Next time she goes on about being an hour away ( which really isn't that far), shrug it off and say " I'm sorry you feel that way " and move on.
We currently live an hour away from my parents. For a while we considered moving back to my hometown, but in the end, that wasn't the best decision for us. So we are staying put. I know my parents are disappointed we won't be closer, but it is what it is. Staying here is what is best for our family. It is closer to my husband's work, closer to retail, closer to good churches and better schools. plus, it isn't like we never see them. We see them a few times a month and I think that is just fine.
Yeah you might not be getting that support. As nice as it would be for our parents to support and be excited about our decisions, sometimes it just doesn't happen.
Honestly, I wouldn't engage in any conversations with her about moving away. She starts on the guilt trips, quickly change the subject. If she won't let up, tell her you have to go. Do this every time and hopefully she will get the hint. Oh and don't give her the reasons why you are moving. That will only give her ammo to argue with you and try to prove you wrong. Simply put, this isn't up for discussion. You are moving, end of story.
Thanks! Thats a good idea. Not up for discussion. Its happenning. End of story. Get on board with it and be included or just dont.
As a parent it's our job to prepare our children the best we can to move away from us, physically or emotionally, whether that is an hour, 10 minutes, or a 5 hr plane ride away.
I agree with what's been said. You have some very good guidelines on what to say. It is really too bad you are being put on this guilt trip. Just remember this when your child wants to move away, because it is truly how it is supposed to be.
Good luck.
There are actually millions of people who drive an hour away for work, one way, every day.
If you live in the National Capital Region or LA, an hour travel is the norm to do daily outings.
Your mother is using this Guilt Trip (GT) to keep you a child because you are allowing the GT to bother you.
So stop entertaining her commentary. She will ramp it up, but eventually will learn that it doesn't get her the response she wants (attention) if YOU consistently ignore her.