Would you go on vacation without your s/o?

EmilyK1116

Hello!  I'm looking for a little advice.  I've been married to my husband for two years this month, so we're not right-off-the-altar newlyweds, but we're still in the honeymoon phase.  My family always does a big vacation in the summer, usually to visit my grandma and go to the beach. This would be the first year my husband is unable to go (he's in the middle of his busy season at work, and he only gets one day off per week, so vacation is out of the question).  He has gone alone to visit his parents before, but that was only for a few days and it wasn't what I'd call vacation.

Should I go?  All of my friends are surprised I'm even considering staying home.  He also seems totally for it, but I can't tell if he means it, or if he just doesn't want to stop me if I want to.  I feel like it's a little mean to go have fun while he's working his butt off.  One of my married guy friends told me he would miss his wife, but he'd enjoy his "bachelor" time - eating pizza and playing video games without anyone to worry about but himself. What do you think?

JNL$LSM

MIL goes on vacation without FIL all the time. It works for them. Personally I would miss DH too much to go on vacation without him. We would spend the time apart texting and calling one another. However, if DH and you agree then why not enjoy yourself.

Apollo11235

I've gone cross-country for a week or more to visit family without DH, but never on a "real" vacation, I guess. I know he misses me but doesn't mind the time alone. On the other hand, if he thought I was doing something way more fun that what he was doing, he would probably mind a bit more.

I'd say, just tell DH you want to make sure you get his honest answer as to how he would feel about it. If he tells you he wouldn't be upset, go ahead and believe him. He may be trying to spare your feelings, but it's a conscious choice on his part because he wants you to go and not feel guilty about it - right?

JemmaWRX

I don't think it's a big deal at all.  Of course I would rather be with my husband than without him, but this is a family tradition.  Rather than worry about what your friends think, or even how your husband feels... do you want to go?  Are you comfortable being without him?  Will you be able to have a good time without him?  He has given you the green light, now you have to decide what you want to do.

MommyLiberty5013

Absolutely. DH and I will be married 7 years at the end of the summer. We do this too - it's expecially acceptable since you're going with family.

anssett

of course. In general I'd say yes, but it's a no brainer when you're going to spend time with family.

vpine

We've been married 2 yrs, I felt weird going to my uncle's funeral in December for 3 days out of town without DH. I honestly wouldn't go on vacation without him and vice versa. My parents would understand because they're the same way, both go or no one goes. It just depends on your marriage and what works for you. 

julieandjojo

You should definitely go, and don't think twice about it! Have fun

amandamarie2

I'm with most of the PP's in thinking this is fine. A good friend of both mine and DH's is getting married in our hometown but unfortunately due to work commitments DH can't make it. At first I was only planning on going for the wedding but since it's a long way to travel and we don't get back very often, I'll be staying for about a week. I know I'll miss DH a lot since that will be the longest we've been apart since we got married a year ago but we've both agreed that I can't miss this chance to see my family and friends. Plus his work schedule is crazy the week I'm gone so we'd hardly see each other anyway.

Wulfgar

My now wife had to do this when I was working as a temporary hire for the company that I am now full time at.  He should understand that this is a long time tradition for your family and will understand.  I would say go.

EmilyK1116

Thanks everyone! This makes me feel much better. After talking to him some more, I think he's fine with it. He seems to really want me to go, especially since we go every year. I'm going to make sure to leave him a well stocked pantry and some of his favorite snacks, so hopefully he'll have a decent time too. 

EastCoastBride

Yes, go.  I wouldn't want to do it every year.  DH and I relaly like to travel together.  But once in a blue moon?  Yes.  DH has actually twice gone on a sialing trip to the BVI's w/ me over the years.  They were both kind of "one time chances" (that came twice!) so he went.

But again- this owuldn't ever be the norm for us.

Melissa51212

my H is a chef, I had to learn to be pretty independent and he doesn't want me sitting around waiting for him...I go away and do lots of things by myself, so I say go!

kipnus

I'd go for it. We split up for part of our Christmas holidays this year, even though it's only our first year of marriage.

laurakaz13

Yep. We've both gone away without each other. But we both have tons of vacation time from work. 

sillygoosegirl

Normally I don't, but I'm actually at the beach with my folks without DH right now.  We were both supposed to be here all week, but after not expressing any interest in when we went, we scheduled it and then he realized it wasn't a good time for him to take a whole week off.  

I'm not convinced it was accidental and am a bit pissed off at him about it... Also, while he is busier than normal, we both work at the same company and I know he is just slacking a little less than usual; it's not like he's actually that busy.

cjspencer35

I have said no to vacation opportunities with friends, but mainly b/c my husband and I have yet to take our actual honeymoon so it would be wrong to A. go without him, and B. spend money on a solo trip.  However, this being an annual family trip seems very different.  I don't think you should feel guilty about going if you think your husband seems ok with it, and there are no financial reasons why you should not go.

FirstTyMom

MommyLiberty5013:

Absolutely. DH and I will be married 7 years at the end of the summer. We do this too - it's expecially acceptable since you're going with family.

 

This!  I think it's healthy for couples to spend some time apart.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder! 

shaina925

Absolutely.  Time apart is healthy. 

mrs.h2003

I've done it, and so has the hubby!  DH and I have been married for 9 1/2  yrs.  A little time apart is healthy!

fnsio

I think you should go and enjoy being with your family.  It's too bad he can't come with you this time, but it's also good to be able to do some things on your own. 

moonprincessd

I would go. I was engaged to my husband at the time my mom invited me to go with her to Taiwan for 2 weeks to visit family. He was okay with it. We skyped about every day though, usually my morning and his night. My mom sleeps in and I get up early, so it worked out. 

So you don't have to be totally without him, there's always skype or some other form of web chatting. 

And sure I still missed him from time to time, but I had a lot of fun (I was in another country after all!) and when I came back, it was like the "first time" all over again

spara38

It depends on how long the trip is. If it is a family tradition and you'd only be gone for like 2 or 3 days, I'd say go. Personally, I'd miss my DH like crazy so it wouldn't be fun but I'd tolerate being without him for up to about 3 days. Then I just get bored without him.

bride8622

I did a girls weekend to Nashville last year.

Kimbus22

I wouldn't purposely book a vacation when my DH couldn't go so I could go alone.  But I'd go on a vacation with my family if he couldn't come.  I have actually.  It was fun.

Ilumine

Of course I would vacation without my husband. When we got married, we did not merge into one person with be set of interests and needs. He loves bike week, I love flea markets. He loves military history, battle fields in particular and I love walking through towns and checking out museums. Sometimes these things can be combined but sometimes they cannot. Why shouldn't we go our separate ways to enjoy our interests without having the burdens or entertaining our uninterested spouses? I mean seriously, doing a poker run with me and my pea-sized bladder would be a downer for him and he would be bored to tears rummaging through an old barn.

haveyousetadate

I think for a family thing, yes go! Set up a time for a video call each day to keep connected, and do it.

I'd be fine with my husband going to be with family. If it was a social, friend-thing (i.e. Vegas)... I'd probably want both of us to be together.

SapphireCounselor

JemmaWRX said:

I don't think it's a big deal at all.  Of course I would rather be with my husband than without him, but this is a family tradition.  Rather than worry about what your friends think, or even how your husband feels... do you want to go?  Are you comfortable being without him?  Will you be able to have a good time without him?  He has given you the green light, now you have to decide what you want to do.

JemmaWRX said:

I don't think it's a big deal at all.  Of course I would rather be with my husband than without him, but this is a family tradition.  Rather than worry about what your friends think, or even how your husband feels... do you want to go?  Are you comfortable being without him?  Will you be able to have a good time without him?  He has given you the green light, now you have to decide what you want to do.

This is my opinion also.

littlevioletdress

I can understand not wanting to go.  I'm a home-body and I really like my routine.  I think I'd kind of feel bad if my partner had to work and I was off having fun.  That said, I know she would want me to go, and I likely would end up going.  Especially because you said your DH has to work a lot, it's not like you'd get to spend a lot of time with him if you stayed home.  If it was a wild girls weekend with single friends or something, I'd probably pass (just because I'm not super adventurous lol) but with the family, sure.