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Friend Advice
One of bfs, H, lives in Los Angeles. We saw each other in September, when I was in LA but prior to that my wedding was our last visit. We talk almost daily on the phone. She complains about how lonely she is and how she misses her good friends (most of us have moved out of state). I ask her to come visit but she always tells me she is too poor. She is a graduate student and isn't working right now, so yes, she is poor and I understand.
However this week she informed me she is going to Mexico for a week to go cave diving. Scuba diving is her passion and something she will use in her career so I understand her wanting to go on this trip. But the flight to Mexico was just as much as a flight to come visit me.
I realize we all have different priorities in life and she choose hers. But then what do I say when she starts saying how much she misses me and wishes she could visit? Umm...you could, but you picked Mexico?
Re: Friend Advice
Janet,
That's really rough, however, I can completely understand! I have been in this situation before.
When my friend started nagging me about how she couldn't see me but wanted to, and then said she was going to go to xxx.
I simply said 'Well, maybe after this trip, you can save some money and you'll be able to see me in a few months'.
I left the ball in her court.
do you know the details of the trip? maybe she's getting a deal that was too good to pass up, or free lodging somewhere, or is going as part of a group tour. maybe it applies for credit toward her degree or she's doing some research since you said it's something she'll use in her career, i know my school has some trips like that. also, california is closer to mexico than new york, so perhaps the distance is a factor. i'm not saying you shouldn't feel hurt (i certainly would), but maybe there are things that factored into her decision that you aren't aware of or she didn't think to tell you.
i think rikki's suggestion is good, although i'm not sure what i would do.
Her lodging is free, although it would be free here too. And her airfare was just over $400 which is more than LA to Albany runs. I know it's a great experience for her and not a chance that comes up often.
I went through the same thing when we moved away to California. All of our friends missed us and wanted to come see us, but never did...
But they went on trips here and there. I didn't take it personally. I know that we are important to each other. I know if I REALLY needed a good friend that they would be there NO MATTER WHAT!
I agree. It's not so much that my feelings are hurt. I think it's more of a frustration. And it's my own frustration so I shouldn't put it on her. I don't think she can afford to visit me OR go to Mexico. And when I think about my feelings I'm having a more difficult time with her financial responsibility (or lack of). I know the only reason it's bothering me is because I've worked so hard the last ~6 months to really establish a living budget and trying to make life fun on my limited income. To see her financing a boob job and going to Mexico when she has no income is what gets to me and I need to just deal with it on my own.
Thanks for the advice!