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Money
I just had a huge fight over money matters. Upon checking checks and balances, 1/3 of his money he earned in the last 6 months exactly $6,000.00 is missing from the bank. He gets cash and at first he's been giving me the whole amount but after 4 weeks, he's been depositing it himself. He deposited twice a month and of those times sometimes, not the whole amount.
When I confronted my husband about this, he totally shocked me. He said that's his money and I have no right to ask him. Is e right?
I have an income as well, on the joint account and that was supposed to be saved and not touched, but because he deposited only portions of his pay, my deposits have been depleted!
He also added we should separate the joint account, and do not ask him where his money goes to.
Re: Money
He's an @sshole and he's hiding something. When you decide to join finances, that becomes your (as in the collective "your") money. Together. Many couples may have "fun money" that they get to keep and spend on whatever they want, but that is something that is agreed upon beforehand. And no way is it $1,000 a month!!!
Look, you know this isn't right. Something is going on here. Drugs, gambling, another woman? Who knows? But he's looking to hide his spending from you, and it is a huge red flag.
That is crazy! You're married, you're supposed to have a financial plan together and both know what's going on and how the money is being spent.
Sure, separate some of your money, but then both partners get the same amount at the same time, to spend how they like. There should be a common pool that you agree on how to spend, and nothing should be going missing from it without your agreement.
This is very suspicious and controlling. Please don't ignore this problem. Maybe see a financial counsellor together?
I agree with PPs, something sounds fishy. We have direct deposits for our day job paychecks into a joint account. He's the only one who has access to our small business account, and I have a personal account for royalties from writing. But if I asked him to see the account (or vice versa) there's be no hesitation. Keeping secrets from your spouse about money matters is bad news.
Definitely try talking to him, but it sounds like that might not be well received. Just remember to stay calm and rational. Don't accuse him of anything. Use a lot of "I" language and not "you" language ('I feel this...' instead of 'You need to tell me...' or What do you think you're doing...' etc)
Holy cow. How disturbing, all of this.
No.
What you need to do:
Demand why he has not deposited what should be there and you need to know where that money went.
This is big trouble. He could have blown it on who knows what, or he could have a drug or alcohol problem or maybe he is keeping somebody on the side and that money is going to him/her.
ANd maybe he spent it on something just to spite you.
Check all of the credit card statements; if there is a charge you cannot identify, find out via dialing the number and asking what the service is for.
That money's gone somewhere and he knows precisely where it has gone.
And he needs to be honest no matter what the cost.
You're married to a middle schooler. I don't know how you are going to get him to grow up.
If he will not say where it went, rethink this guy. He's trouble. And this is a full and complete lack of respect for you.