BNOTB
prettygirl06
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Where do you stand?
in BNOTB
I have noticed that many posters have varying degrees on their stance on children. So my question, where do you stand on children or why are you on BNOTB?
Are you waiting until the right time, don't want children, on the fence? Since everyone seems to be so different I thought this post would help.
Re: Where do you stand?
We are on the fence, leaning more towards waiting on the right time. Since I am working on my PhD, hubby is active duty military working on graduate degree, we know this isn't a great time.
I also should add that we LOVE to travel, love our independence, and love the fact that we have been married so long with so many happy memories.
DH and I both want children. We have a check-list to complete before we start TTC:
DH done with school (about a year and a half to go)
One of us earning enough $ so the other can stay home with baby
Finish house renovations (about 2 years to go?)
And DH wants a puppy..
If I got ktfu tomorrow, we would be alright. But we want to be as ready as possible before we bring another life into the world. If we don't meet these goals in 7 years, though, we will start TTC anyway.
Don't know if any of that makes sense...
We wish we could have them right now, we really do. I have baby fever like crazy. However, we just are not financially ready yet and I would really like to buy a home to house a child in first. I believe in being completely responsible when bringing a child into the world and not just having one because we want it even though we have no way to care for it. There is WAY too much of that going on in this country.
My SIL is the definition of what I do NOT want to be. She is barely making ends meet, with no sign of improvement anytime soon, yet she is due with their first child in October. She is looking for two bedroom apartments but the ones she finds she cannot afford the initial fees (first month plus security, etc). IMO this is beyond irresponsible, especially knowing this wasn't an accident. What bothers me is that so many people think that this is okay and that waiting to be totally ready is stupid. Someone asked me once when we are having kids and when I said "when we can afford them" they laughed in my face and said no one can ever afford kids. I thinks that's not true at all.
This is pretty much where we are, except for the house part of it. We probably won't buy a house for a few more years, but we're planning on having enough in savings to feel comfortable TTC next year.
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussThis is basically my whole family. My sister got pg while we were in highschool (she was 17), but she lost the baby. She got really sad and then decided she wanted a baby anyway, so she got pg again (so easy for her!!!). She dropped out of school, had the baby (while still living at home with me, our mom, and our other sister). Her and the baby's dad broke up (he didn't want a kid at 18). My sister continued to party, party, party, because she had 3 live-in babysitters. Plus, her baby was the first grandchild, so everyone wanted to watch her. Once my niece was about 2 years old, DH and I got married. My sister was still constantly partying and often complained that she "didn't want" the baby anymore. Although it would have been tough, DH and I were | | this close to legally adopting her; I had already had a huge part in raising her, and she even called me "momsy" (still does today, actually). Then my sister met a guy online and convinced him to move across the country to be with her. He's a nice enough guy, and really loves my sis and her baby girl, so they got married. My niece's bio dad signed a paper giving up all rights to the kid, so now my sister's H is going through the adoption process. Three years later, they are "sort of" trying for another kid, even though my sister has a baking business and her H makes almost nothing doing pest control. They are on food stamps and other government assistance. They go out and party a lot, so my niece is bounced from house to house almost daily so someone can watch her.
Sorry for the life story. It just makes me so mad that people don't THINK before bringing another person into the world. And here DH and I are, waiting until we are financially stable and WE'RE the crazy ones!
We are firmly on the side of none at all, and H was snipped almost exactly a year ago.
If I either of us gets the itch we plan to volunteer to teach art classes at the community art program and foster / volunteer at the local animal shelter.
We are looking forward to being the token aunt and uncle too! I would love to spoil them but not have to deal with them all the time! LOL. We haven't talked about if one of us would get things taken care of permanently, I would like to at some point. We still have some time and I dont think a doctor would do it yet because of our ages.
h and I have a friend who always unloads her kid on people to party or brings him to parties. Stuff like this that you describe drives me INSANE.
As sexists as it is, the men I know that have been snipped were never told they couldn't because of age or any other reason for that matter. DH went in for a consultation and they scheduled him for his surgery. He said basically no questions asked.
Same. H got "How old are you? And you're sure? Okay, how's this day?"
that is good to know!! Thanks!
Well, my husband and i are sure that we want children one day, but for now, we are both 24 this year and we want to do some renovations (replacing windows and re doing the siding on our house), as well he will be finishing his last year of apprenticing to become a Mechanic next spring. So this year is a "get stuff done" year and then we will see what happens.
This comes as no surprise.
I feel this way completely. I understand when people say there is no perfect time for children but I refuse to consider expanding my family without the necessary goals being met.
This sounds so much like my younger sister. She intentionally got pregnant at 18 to keep her boyfriend of 4 months from breaking up with her. They were both unemployed, living with my parents, with no car and no money to care for this child. Flash forward almost 3 years and they are now married, and still unemployed, with no car and no money to care for this child. They would still be living with my parents if not for section 8. They are on food stamps and WIC and need help from family members to provide basic necessities to my nephew. They love to party so the baby is regularly left with my mom, sometimes for days. I was talking to her the other day and she said that they want another, and I was speechless. What?? You can't even take care of the one you have, and your marriage is barely hanging on a thread (and I know this because they blast their business to everyone they know). Please don't have a baby.
As far as the original question, we do want children, just very far into the future. We do get the baby question a lot, and I suppose in comparison to my siblings, we seem more than ready for a child, since we are already married, have jobs, insurance, etc. I also get the same response when I say I want to be more financially secure--that no one is ever ready to have a baby. I actually think that you can--and should--be ready for this. It's a big decision to make, both as an individual and as a couple, whether or not to become a parent and it's so strange how opinionated people are.
**6.30.12** I have found the one whom my soul loves.
Me and soon to be husband had the "baby talk" a few years ago. We have been together for ten years living together for 3ish. I knew I never wanted kids so I thought it would only be fair to him to tell him before we tied the knot that it wasn't going to happen. He took it hard but after talking we decided that we our huge family would have enough kids without us having them.
For me personally I just haven't ever looked at a baby and been like I HAVE TO HAVE THIS. I would rather focus my life to my job and being an awesome wife then being a so so mom.
It's so nice to see that others feel the same way we do. We LOVE being the auntie and uncle that spoil the kids but are perfectly fine with getting our 'baby fix' and then coming home to our quiet house. I am slightly on the fence as to whether or not I will want them but at 28 I'm in no rush to have any right now and not sure that I'll want them in the future either? The most annoying thing I find is that once you get married, people immediately ask when you're going to have babies. I told my husband I would've rather just never gotten married so that we didn't have to deal with that question on a regular basis. I get that people are curious when others are having babies and some of it seems like a 'misery loves company' kind of thing but it's a personal thing and you have no idea if those people can't have kids, don't want kids or have been trying for years. I also completely agree with being financially stable before bringing a child into your life and that many aren't even thinking twice before having multiple children. I do feel selfish at times when I see others with adorable little babies but at the same time I have no desire to be up all night and spending thousands of dollars on someone when I can't afford to buy things I'd love to have for myself, or go on great vacations with my husband and enjoy our lives. Some have said that you get to do what you want when your kids graduate and are out of the house, but what if something happens and you're not able to do that? Would you resent having those kids and not doing what you wanted to do with your life? You only live once.