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Flirting with friend
Hi everyone. I'm on tn normally under a different sn, not normally on this board, but I need someone to slap some sense into me. Kind long story, sorry in advance.
First, I'm bi. Dh knows and is cool with it. When we were first married (about 6 yrs ago), he was cool with me making out with other girls at parties. He'd probably still be cool with it, but we have a baby now and are TTC another one, so we just don't make it out to party much lol. We have had ongoing discussions about bringing someone else into the bedroom. Probably not right now, for a few reasons, the baby and potential future baby being big ones. But also we are trying to really strengthen our relationship right now, we've had a lot of stress in our lives over the past year, moving and job changes and such. Our "rule" was that we couldn't do anything sexual with someone else without both of us being there and without talking about it advance.
So, about 5 yrs ago, one of our friends (let's call her H) and I were basically making out every weekend. Dh knew and was totally fine with it. It escalated and we were getting pretty intense when alone at her place. We put the brakes on it, I told dh, it was a non-issue between us. H and I stopped hanging out. I spent a lot of time working to get past my intense attraction to her, focus on my marriage, ect.
Anyway, recently ran into H again. She's texting me and made me a mix cd and has outright told me that she wants to sleep together. I told her my family is my priority right now and she says she respects that. Then she gets drunk and tells me to send her naked pictures. Ok, its obvious as I type this that I'm in a big mess. Dh knows that we've hung out recently. We have NOT kissed or anything, even though she's asked. I am getting really overwhelmed by feeling the same way I did last time. I want to be with her. I thought now wasn't the right time, but now I can't stop thinking about her.
So, wwyd? Should I cut her back out of my life until I can handle this? Should I approach dh about moving forward with something with her? Should I suck it up and just get past this? Any and all sense-slapping is appreciated. tia.
Re: Flirting with friend
Well, I'd say that having an open marriage is actually a different issue than you being bi.
And for the fact that you actually want to be with this person, you need to back FAR away from her.
Work on your marriage, and then I think you need to really find out what it is that you and your DH are o.k. with. He may be cool w/ his wife getting some girl on girl action, but if he knew that this actually involved you falling for this person and wanting to be w/ them - I have to wonder how "cool" he'd really be with it.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Lol! Short and to the point
Sorry, I didn't mean to confuse being bi and having open marriage. I was just trying to be clear that I am good with my sexuality and what's going on with this girl isn't about me not knowing whether or not I'm into women, if that makes sense.
Also, by be with I really meant sleep with. I in now way want a relationship beyond friendship. Just maybe sex. Yes, I know how that sounds.
Tell her in person not to contact you anymore.
And if she keeps it up, consider going to the police.
This easily can turn into stalking or something else quite creepy.
End contact with her now; tell her you are not interested and not to contact you from there on in.
You need to end this relationship. It's no different if it were a man, you were heterosexual, and in a traditional/non-open marriage (is there a better term for that!?). Having sexual encounters with someone else (with your spouse's consent) is not the same as having intimate feelings for someone else. This could potentially destroy your family. The bottom line is your husband and your kids are your priority - not some chick you want to boink.
ETA - ok, read your response. So you don't want a relationship with this woman, fair enough. But if now isn't the right time, it's not the right time. And if you can't maintain a platonic relationship without the overwhelming feelings of wanting to sleep with her, it's still probably best to end the relationship.